table manners

I was bought up in a house where strict table manners were rigidly enforced and it made for tense meal times. My own 3 dreaded going to grandmas’ house due to her strictness! and I was therefore much more relaxed at home, yet somehow they managed to grow up successfully using the correct cutlery and eating politely!
It is possible to allow some relaxation of strict table etiquette and still turn out ok!
I have 6 DGC aged from 2 to 11,all of them use cutlery correctly (even the 2 year old tries) but they are not disciplined or punished but just watch the rest of the family at table and in restaurants. As a family we eat out a lot, and although the toddler years are messy I think social eating is very important
I also agree that many homes do not have room for a dining table let alone a dining room

Athenia, thanks, I think I will try that! that is just the sort of advice I was hoping for.I am amazed that some people think we shouldn't try to improve manners! Their parents are trying too and so we are on the same page. I think children do need boundaries and doing nothing just means more misery for the rest of us (and them). I am a very accommodating Gran and do everything I can to make them happy whilst in my house, but I'm afraid that I just can't stick bad table manners, the 'just enjoy them' approach doesn't work for me.

i would be interested to hear what people who are not english, or whose background heritage is not english, think.

We were relaxed but firm and I was gratified when a neighbour complimented my 2ds on their table manners. HOWEVER when they came down from Uni the table manners had gone out of the window. So good luck if you do manage a little "training" it might not last.

I have the same problem with my grandsons who are 9 and 11.they use the fork like a digger and haven't got a clue how to use a knife. I dispair and would be embarrassed to take them out. I am consistent with them. But unfortunately their parents are not

I hate to be the one to point this out, but to younger generations table manners aren't as important.

metro.co.uk/2019/12/05/young-adults-think-traditional-manners-like-saying-please-thank-outdated-11277824/

There is really nothing you can do to force your grandchildren to your way of doing things if their own parents do not reinforce it. You can model good behavior and even ask for better behavior at the table, but that doesn't mean they will comply.

Are table manners a marker of social class?

Basic table manners e.g. please & thank you, eating with mouth closed, not playing around or getting up and down from table, should be expected.

However not holding cutlery 'correctly' isn't a sin - they'll soon learn and there are worse crimes to commit.

Family food has changed since we were children - now there are wraps, burgers, pizzas which are basically finger-foods; and then we have risotto and curries which are best eaten with just a fork, shovel-style!

I think they sometimes are Caleo. They shouldn’t be of course.

Caleo

Are table manners a marker of social class?

Etiquette is, as in knowing your way around a formal table, but manners are universal, regardless of class.

Good one Riverwalk!

how or even whether cutlery is used varies greatly around the world.
i don't think it matters.
manners is what affects other people; not being gross, not impeding others, not gluttonously gobbling up everything in sight.

You have to just accept it really but I did tell mine I wouldn`t take them out to for a pizza/meal out/indian etc until they learnt how to behave at a table.
Good or bad that was my rule and the accepted it. We still haven`t been to a resturant together lol.