Staying on topic- threads in general

if a transwoman is used for a man who has changed gender (and I think many of you want this)
No. I don't.
I want them to be called men.
Calling them transwomen is a compromise since they want to be differentiated from other men.

offered the opportunity to have their husbands back but as a transwoman

If you go to the transwidows website, and read some of their accounts of what happened, you'll see it's not as simple as that.
The transwoman is, often, not the person they believed they had married.

The game is available from Wordery, who also have many books celebrating women's achievements.

wordery.com/wonder-women-isabel-thomas-9781786272379?cTrk=MTg5NzI2NjIxfDYxNzY4ZTk3NjA5YjU6MToyOjYxNzY4ZTVkYjk3OGYwLjM4MDg1MzMwOjc3ZWNhMGZl

I havent supported Oxfam since the sexual abuse allegations.

It's ridiculous Lucca and I'm annoyed that Oxfam have done this. They should no better, working in countries where women and girls have little or no rights. It's a disgrace.

Galaxy

I havent supported Oxfam since the sexual abuse allegations.

I really wanted to withdraw support then, but convinced myself the good they can do just tipped the balance. This is the final straw and I've emailed them to tell them why all support (including a bequest in a will) is now being withdrawn.

oops that should be know better

FarNorth

^offered the opportunity to have their husbands back but as a transwoman^

If you go to the transwidows website, and read some of their accounts of what happened, you'll see it's not as simple as that.
The transwoman is, often, not the person they believed they had married.

A lot of women find that out FarNorth when they get beaten up, when they contract a sexual disease because their husband is promiscuous, when he walks out one day and never comes b back. None of those women are or have ever claimed to be widows. They divorce the man and are divorcees. There's thousands of them. Is it really worse if your huband transitions than if he threatens, or even tries to kill you?

That really is a daft comparison trisher, whether it’s worse if your husband transitions, or threatens/tries to kill you.
I can identify two trans women who threatened their wives and children regularly. Doesn’t mean all trans people do that but it does mean some trans people are capable of behaving abusively, just like everyone else

Who can say unless they've experienced it trisher? but surely a woman who finds herself in this position has the right to identify as and been known as a widow, just as her husband has the right to identify as and be known as a woman.

As I have said of you read the accounts the pattern of behaviour seems to follow a specific pattern. Its us a very specific demographic.

I'm baffled by your attitude trisher.

FarNorth

I'm baffled by your attitude trisher.

It’s nothing if not consistent, though. Women come last every time, and their rights count for nothing.

Doodledog

FarNorth

I'm baffled by your attitude trisher.

It’s nothing if not consistent, though. Women come last every time, and their rights count for nothing.

Could you try stopping saying this. I realise anything which contradicts your trans-bad. women -always good attitude is too complicated for you to understand. It is absolutely nothing to do with women I would have exactly the same complaint about a man who chose to call himself a transwidower.
Try addressing the language problem Trans is an accepted term for transitioning-changing gender. Trans therefore is used in transwomen and in transman. How can someone then be a transwidow unless they are perhaps someone who is transitioning?
I've been berated for supporting the term "person with a cervix" because it enables health information to be addressed to transmen. Apparently they are not worth considering (is it because the word 'man' appears in their ID?)
Told information about prostate cancer isn't addressed to transwomen- which it actually is as a little research revealed.
So try stop judging things with prejudice and open your mind. I realise it isn't simple and it requires thought and it is much easier to cry "woman hater" when someone challenges your preconceptions but perhaps a little thought might reveal there is slightly more to it.

Iam64

That really is a daft comparison trisher, whether it’s worse if your husband transitions, or threatens/tries to kill you.
I can identify two trans women who threatened their wives and children regularly. Doesn’t mean all trans people do that but it does mean some trans people are capable of behaving abusively, just like everyone else

I don't think I said they weren't Iam64 I simply said violent husbands were not a reason to call yourself a widow. Their chosen gender doesn't enter into it.

Could you try stopping saying this. I realise anything which contradicts your trans-bad. women -always good attitude is too complicated for you to understand.
There is no need to be rude, I understand English perfectly, thanks. What I don't understand is comments such as 'they can claim' to have a cervix/penis because they think they have.' You could help me out with that if you want to be helpful, and I'm sure that others would be pleased to hear an explanation too.

It is absolutely nothing to do with women I would have exactly the same complaint about a man who chose to call himself a transwidower.
The point that people are making is that you want women to adapt the language to suit transpeople, but object when they adapt it to suit themselves, even when they are the 'wronged' parties. That is when you come across as biased against women.

Try addressing the language problem
? I have been trying to do this for days, but unless we are given your definitions it is extremely difficult.

Trans is an accepted term for transitioning-changing gender. Trans therefore is used in transwomen and in transman. How can someone then be a transwidow unless they are perhaps someone who is transitioning?
Because it is the fact that their husbands have transitioned that has caused them to cease to exist as men, which means that the women have, in effect, lost their husbands, as widows do.

I've been berated for supporting the term "person with a cervix" because it enables health information to be addressed to transmen. Apparently they are not worth considering (is it because the word 'man' appears in their ID?)
If it enables info to be given to transmen, you are assuming that they wouldn't realise that the more usual term, 'women', would apply in their case, even though in your view, they are women because they claim to be. That being the case, why can't you accept that changing the language will potentially prevent the information being given to some women. This is the crux of the issue - it is ok for women to be overlooked, even though there are far more women with cervices than transwomen, but you 'support' the change because it includes men.

Told information about prostate cancer isn't addressed to transwomen- which it actually is as a little research revealed.
I can't help you there.

So try stop judging things with prejudice and open your mind. I realise it isn't simple and it requires thought and it is much easier to cry "woman hater" when someone challenges your preconceptions but perhaps a little thought might reveal there is slightly more to it.
Backacha, as the young ones say. I have never come across so much prejudice as on these threads, but you only see it as prejudice when anyone dares to say anything that questions the right of transpeople to ride roughshod over women. When you pre-judge posters who tell you they aren't transphobic, when you pre-judge that a trans family, simply by dint of being trans, are 'wonderful, loving, and similar, you don't see it as prejudice at all. Closed-mindedness is an understatement. If we arrive at the conclusion that you are a misogynist, we give evidence (see above). You shout 'transphobe', but refuse to define your terms or explain your more peculiar statements, such as the one mentioned above, where transmen can claim to have a penis because they believe they do, and transwomen can claim to have a cervix because they claim that. All we know about your definition of 'woman' is that it is someone who 'presents' as such, and who shares your politics. How can we understand how anyone can think themselves into being something that is not defined.

My mind is reasonably open, but unless you explain what things like that mean, I am going to struggle, as to me it seems, erm, impossible.

doodledog you have expressed the way I feel more eloquently than I could have done so thank you.

This is the problem I'm having in these discussions, that not aligning with some views makes me a hater of or not a supporter of women when I just want the freedom and the language to enable me to do both

VioletSky

This is the problem I'm having in these discussions, that not aligning with some views makes me a hater of or not a supporter of women when I just want the freedom and the language to enable me to do both

I'll add my thanks too Doodledog

That's the problem many of us have VS, that not aligning with some views gets us classified as hateful bigots and transphobes. Frustrating isn't it? It would help if people would post the definitions they are using for certain words, I know Doodledog has asked repeatedly for this but answer comes there none.

It's very difficult to be called something you are not.

You dont say.

VioletSky

This is the problem I'm having in these discussions, that not aligning with some views makes me a hater of or not a supporter of women when I just want the freedom and the language to enable me to do both

VS when has anyone called you a hater, or not a supporter of women? I think you are making this about you, when as far as I can see it's really not.

Ah, that old chestnut lol

Actually I lie. It used to be it's not anymore. I now completely ignore the words transphobe, terf etc. Those words are frequently also used about transpeople who wont toe the line so I feel in reasonably good company.

Thing is that I'm just sitting here sipping tea after a lovely visit with a good friend who doesn't agree with me on a lot of issues but does love the person I am and vice versa.

The animosity I have felt coming towards other views here (not about me) is hard to read.

We could have these talks as friends and achieve more tea sipping and possibly cake