What qualities do you most admire in your friends

The ability to put up with me

Loyalty, humour and just knowing they are there for you. Through lonely lockdowns I really learnt a lot about some of my friends and it really showed me the ones that actually care and the friendships that are really one sided.

I am so judgemental and picky. I like my friends to be interesting and have been somewhere and done something with themselves.
I certainly like them to be clean and not to have a dog or smoke. Although I do have a friend who adores dogs and is beyond soppy about them. I grit my teeth, which doesn’t do them much good. I also don’t like being licked by friends dogs or covered in dog hairs.
I like friends to have the same interests, so that precludes quite a few people.
I haven’t got masses of friends anyway as I am controlling. Others who are also controlling are out, for obvious reasons.
It’s helpful if they have roughly the same income as me, as when we go on trips I don’t worry about picking up all the tabs.

@ LauraNorderr. I need some help here?

My 19 year old GD lives with me and I would like to say we had a fab Nan and GD relationship? She came here as the result of an abusive BF. He was vile and threatened me. ‘Going to burn your house down, smash your car up, get you beaten up’ etc. Now I’m horrified to find she back with him. I’m worried about her and me. But I’ve secretly questioned her loyalty to me?

Silvertwigs. Mmm all the research about abusive relationships say that the person abused goes back to their abuser, around 9 times before they see the light.
There is absolutely nothing you can do except grit your teeth and wait and be supportive when your Granddaughter reappears. Surely his threats can be logged with the police? So they have a record for the future, as we all know it will happen again.
My philosophy now is not to allow myself to get upset about things I can’t do anything about. I don’t always follow my own advice, but as I am reaching the last few decades of my life…if I am asked to do something, I ask myself “ if you knew you were going to die tomorrow, would you worry about this? go there . Do this?
I can only send you a virtual hug and xxxxx I am so sorry that you are in this position as it’s a difficult one.

Gosh, silvertwigs you and your granddaughter do need some help. I would get in touch with your local police station, report your concerns and get proper advice on how to keep yourselves safe.
I hope your granddaughter sees sense soon and gets him out of your lives. Good luck.

One of my friends recently told me she felt she could truly be herself with me. I realised, seeing this post, that I have a circle of close friends, some I have known for decades, all of whom accept me just as I am, allowing me to be my true self with them....and thereby to pass the quality on. I am indeed fortunate!

Kindness, above all else.

Caring. Being there. Not gossiping. Ability to keep a secret. Ready to listen. Can cook - and will, for others, if necessary. Giving good advice. Never taking sides. Will ruin errands / do laundry / babysit if necessary. So... I do this... and so do many of my friends.

I have a very small circle of close friends. Infact two of them were in my class at school. They are there through the good times and bad times as well. I have had so called friends that ran when the going got tough.

Kindness, loyalty, honesty. Maybe the three go together. Loyal enough to tell you when you are out of line, honest enough to say it, kind enough to put it well. Resilient enough to accept it when you give back your honest opinions too. I have 2 friends who are a wonderful combination of those things and they compliment each other so well.

One of my friends has been a friend for over 40 years we worked together and became good friends. She was a support when my son died and I have been a support to her when she recently found out she had cancer, she’s so strong and I admire her the treatment was successful. She said how I coped with my sons death was amazing so I guess we are two string woman

Loyalty and a great sense of humour.

Reliability, very good sense of humour, kindness and the ability to listen as well as talk. Someone you could ring in the middle of the night in a crisis. Someone who doesn’t constantly talk about their wonderful grandchildren, which all of us have except one.

Definitely listening skills and a generousity of spirit.

I believe loyalty and compassion. Loyalty you know who you can rely on, compassion is the shoulder you can cry on.

I am lucky to have quite a few good friends. I hope I am a good friend to them. I value kindness, loyalty, sticking with me through bad patches, GSOH, ability to laugh at ourselves, understanding, compassion to others and open mindedness.

A good listener and someone who brings out the best in you. Someone kind and welcoming who is interested in you, who will say "come round for a cuppa this afternoon" (I imagine). I am told I am a good listener and I'm interested in the other person. Does true friendship take effort to nurture and maintain? I've always thought so. There are some lovely posts here about enduring friendships which are so heartwarming, especially the support given during lockdown. I'm quite sure I have been on the receiving end of people who 'cull' friends once they have outlived their 'usefulness' or who are not in the same socio-economic group any more, and I have often felt confused about the whole concept of friendship, especially those 'cliquey' friendships. I've learnt the painful lesson that you can't make people like you. I have also experienced 'ghosting' when going through a tough time. Not all of us are lucky enough to find a 'bosom friend', but that doesn't mean you can't make friends with yourself, though many would find that strange (but it is possible). My mother is at the stage of having lost nearly all her close friends, some friendships aving lasted over 80 years. It's very sad and she misses them dearly.

Reliability, I think. Otherwise I feel as if I am being used if someone doesn't turn up without letting me know. Surely this is bad manners. Consideration for others feelings follows this. Should we differentiate between friends and acquaintances?

Loyalty. Lockdown sorted the chaf from the wheat. Apparently my friends admire my ability to cut and split logs at the age of 70....hahaha

I am a good listener, but please can someone listen to me for a change? That’s why I come to GN ?

This article is interesting
socialpronow.com/blog/difference-friend-acquaintance/

The difference between a friend, acquaintance, close friend, and intimate friend
There are 4 stages of friendship – acquaintance, casual friend, close friend, and intimate friend:

An acquaintance is a person you know, but who is not a close friend.[2] It’s the person you run into in the hallway or feel comfortable meeting in a group setting, but usually not by yourself.
A casual friend is a person you are more emotionally attached to.[3] You feel comfortable meeting with this person one on one.
A close friend is a person you spend time with regularly and can depend on. You feel comfortable reaching out to this person at any time.
An intimate friend is someone you can share anything with.
One study found that the difference between friends and acquaintances is that we reveal much more of ourselves to a friend than an acquaintance, and we try harder to impress acquaintances than friends.[1]

Considering these two components can help you determine whether someone is your acquaintance or your true friend:

How much do I trust this person/how comfortable am I sharing the more personal details of my life with them?
How concerned am I with impressing this person/how comfortable am I being my true self around them?
Now let’s take a closer look at each of the different categories of friendship and how they play out on a day-to-day basis.

Shared sense of humour is absolutely vital

Well that is quite a feat Theoddbird? wielding an axe would be enough for me!

This is a hard one as I have many friends I have met across the years. They are not all local and I do not see them all regularly but I value them.
They are all very different. I am a tolerant person so do not analyse why I am still friends with these people. When I am with them I enjoy their company for different reasons.

Some have let me down at times but only one have I called it a day on as the others have redeemed themselves in different ways and I hate being judgemental.

Nobody is perfect all the time or can always live up to our expectations.