A Very Argy Christmas

Er Carillion mon ami, vous as mistook AGA et Thor’s ensemble dans le cellar.
Thor jouer au the other side. Il est missing ils homme de compagnie Sven .
AGA as new homme Bjorn. Ou est Bjorn? ?

Je ne seen Bjorn pas all day. Maddy and I have brewed le poteen alone. We need him to heft the barrels up the steps as we are just femmes fragile.

J'espere que May hasn't got her hands on him as he will be fit for nothing after a day with her.

Merci pour la stick de lip Carillion. J'adore that shade de rouge.

Mon dieu Doodle vous etes kidding moi.

Non…..quelle horreure!! Is that Thor le massive est lost to moi?? Mais non Doodle vous tormentez moi, vous vixen,

And never parlez le noms de Sven at le crumpled hanky Bjorn encore.

Doodle, vous have plunged un grand stilleto into ma coeur.. aghhhh… je have indigestion now.

Je hope vous can live with that … vous tres naughty personne for that, je tighten le elastic sur votre costume.

Bonjour mes amies… I’m just a little bit how you say … sizzled , non sozzled I think after being out down town all day with Bjorn
Sorry beaucoup for keeping him out all day but it was worth it …

brook Bjorn est le mien! What a cad he is. A pretty face and he's off. There will be tears in the poteen tonight.

His when I whack him with the brewing stick.

Dropped by earlier to find an Inspector with a clipboard peering through the grimy windows.
Il cherchait le cave où on was making le poteen?
Zut alors

Où est vos certificates? il a dit.
'Elf and Safety', 'Food handling'.
Oops.

I got May to show him round - il était comme putty dans sa main, heuresement.

Un question- où est notre PPE pour nos visiteurs, svp?

They bring their own. Balaclavas so only the eyes show and a gap for drinking poteen and other beverages.
Many of them pop in here before their night time activities. Also gloves (fingerprints).

Hang on un minute I think I can hear the elf and safety inspector still locked in the cellar … best rescue him I’ll be back dans une minute

AGAA4

His when I whack him with the brewing stick.

Is that a bit like a rhythm stick? Hit me hit me hit me!
carillion we could get you a part time job in Madame Pom
Pom’s ( down by the gasworks) they speak a sort of French there too!
muse please get Mr M baking again, we need about seventy of those Christmas Dinner Pasties here at the Argy and about
300 for the Lemongrove Annual Ball.
If not....desperate times call for desperate measures and I and
Doodle and Aga ( the best bakers at the Argy) will have to put our pinnies on and get baking ASAP.
brook will you take over the bar and make some Christmas Cocktails, you will find my old recipe book under the kitchen Sink, if the mice haven’t eaten it.
ixion you are on man hunting duties.....strut your stuff down Pigstrotters Alley and bring some customers in, lure them with your lurex mini dress ( I mean that you should wear it, not wave it at them)....oh I don’t know though......
maddyone you are on the door as security, anyone who looks a bit dodgy will be a regular, so let them in, but keep out any riff raff like health inspectors, car parking attendants, and any tradesmen with a bill ( or anything else) in their hands.
Chop chop we don’t have all day.

Aye aye, Cap'n!

BRB

Carillion mes excuses. I had no idea you had your sights set on Thor. Oh dear.
Oh well AGA at least May didn’t get her hands on Bjorn. Brook would have been more gentle with him.
That brewing stick has seen plenty of action AGA I remember Lemon using it for sex play with Lord L.
Oh no Lemon not the baking again. Last time we poisoned half the punters and the rest couldn’t get off the toilet for weeks.
brook there is a bottle of Domestos under the sink with the cocktail book. It’s what we use for the colouring in the blue cocktails.
ixion ….. ixion…. You’ve got your dress on back to front again…I said you’ve ..sigh never mind but don’t blame me if you catch a chill on your chest.
muse have you for my rolling pin up there on top of the tree?
I hope those pine cones aren’t causing you a problem

Oooh La La, there are some very cheeky punters coming into the Argy tonight! I think my elf costume really geed them up, we should make a good profit tonight. I could do with an assistant on the door to ward them off, maybe Bjorn could help out.

Yup Doodle. That lurex number proved to be a tad chilly and was drawing ribald comments funny looks from those encountered on Pigstrotters Alley. Never mind, it did the trick - at least until I put my liberty bodice on over the top...

It was a brilliant idea to take a couple of Muses's pasties along as a lure to entice the punters in. They were happy to pay a fiver for each, not including drinks.

See you back at base.

Gnasher hates the 'elf and safety man and chased him round the Argy biting his bum. 'elf man was last seen haring down the dock road with Gnasher in hot pursuit.
The man boarded the Stiff Barnacle as she left port so we won't have any trouble with him for a while.

Gnasher is such a good llama. Extra poteen for him later.

He is good isn’t he AGA, unlike Madam.
Maddyone I’m sure Bjorn will help out on the door but if things get a bit too risqué then give me a shout and I’ll give them a whack with my rolling pin.
ixion I’m glad you were sensible with your liberty bodice on. We don’t want you having a cold. Next time try knickers too, to keep the draughts out. ?

Brrrrr just come in out of the cold and passed Bjorn at the door on the way in, he’s been doing a brilliant job and he’s been jingling his bells all afternoon whilst singing Frosty the Snowman
It’s looking really festive in here tonight with the twinkly lights - goodness is that Lord Lemon dressed as Santa?

I certainly hope not brook not with his wandering hands we all know what he’s like. Er ? don’t tell Lemon I said that ?

I should have thought of that Doodle, a rolling pin is definitely required. Some of this lot are extremely cheeky. Bjorn’s doing his best but he’s hampered a bit by his own wandering hands and eyes. Who gave him that tankard full of the viagra poteen?
How’s AGA doing in the cellar now I’ve come up to do bouncer duty?

Would someone please check on the llamas. I am at a critical point in the brewing and all the brewing staff are busy elsewhere so I can't go but there sounds as though they are having an argument. Probably started by Alarma.
I have added some mince pies and cranberry sauce to the brew as well as Viagra and pep pills. It should be lively tonight.
We are making a fortune on the Christmas poteen so thanks to all for your brilliant suggestions for additives.

Phew - I sorted them out AGA you were right it was Alarma having another one of her tantrums as her triple chocolate ice cream with chocolate sprinkles wasn’t chocolatey enough. Apparently she wanted chocolate sauce as well ?
Anyhow I took all the llamas down to Lemongrove Manor this afternoon to check on the new Ice skating rink near the paddock. It’s really drawing a crowd - think we could take some Christmas poteen down there later tonight and flog the lot

Great idea brook and if they drink enough poteen they won’t hurt themselves when they fall down.
Thanks for sorting out Madame . If she carries on like this I will be forced to issue the ultimate warning (zoo !!!)
Heard great things about the new range of poteen AGA , all going down a treat. The rum and raisin is proving popular as is the banana, baileys and cream de menthe. There don’t seem to be so many takers for the gaviscon and olive mix for some reason.
Er Maddyone did I hear you say Bjorn had drunk a tankard of the viagra mix and has wandering hands………. Why don’t you have a break from the door and help out in the bar for a bit. I may just wander up and check Bjorn things out.

Thanks brook. Alarms is a little madam.
Good idea to take some poteen to Lemongrove Manor. There will be a good crowd there tonight.

Well....the poteen has gone down a storm at the Ball, we are serving it mulled with cranberries and assorted bits and bobs floating in it.The crowd can’t get enough of it, even the gaviscon and olive mix is proving a big hit.The only downside is that our esteemed guests keep falling down ( and staying down) and a few have lost their eyesight.
A small price to pay though!

Yes Doodle, Bjorn had a tankard full of the viagra poteen earlier and it certainly geed him up, but someone gave him another one only half an hour ago. I’ve had my fill of him now, so you’re welcome to do door duty with him for a bit. I’m off to the bar for a bit and then I want to wander up to the Ball and have look at what’s going on up there. I’ll take some more of the poteen along with me. It’ll be running low by now at the rate they drink it.