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A Very Argy Christmas

(392 Posts)
lemongrove Mon 06-Dec-21 14:46:55

Hello All,
Have been waiting for Doodle to open the old Argy up for the festive period, but she has gone to New York ( or possibly York) to do her Christmas shopping.She will be here anytime though, so until then, the doors are open, come in and ‘take the weight off’ and order one of our speciality cocktails or maybe a mulled poteen, and tell us what you’ve been up to.
Sitting on Santa’s knee? Ordering new killer heels?tchsmile

Doodle Thu 09-Dec-21 20:30:40

AGA for goodness sake we need some more poteen. Forget about going hard at it with Thor and get brewing. Really ?

AGAA4 Fri 10-Dec-21 11:10:09

I left 3 barrels full of poteen last night and they are all empty now.
The llamas are lying in a drunken heap on the cellar floor so there will be no llama rides today.
I will have to start brewing again now. Can anyone help please? Thor is nowhere to be seen and we have Tom tonight and he does enjoy a pint of poteen.

brook2704 Fri 10-Dec-21 11:50:34

Hang on in there Aga I’ll be down in a flash …

AGAA4 Fri 10-Dec-21 12:54:35

Thank you brook. I don't know how the llamas got down here as Thor said he had locked the cellar door.

They won't be getting any tlc from me with their hangovers.

lemongrove Fri 10-Dec-21 14:49:25

brook2704

Hang on in there Aga I’ll be down in a flash …

The Flash has all gone, I made some exotic cocktails with it this morning.blush
Has anyone cleaned the lavs? Doodle ?
Tom arrives about 5pm and requests a lie down in my boudoir as he needs a two hour nap before performances.

brook2704 Fri 10-Dec-21 15:08:37

Yep lemon I gave the lavs a good scrubbing this morning, they’re sparkling clean now - unlike the floor of the cellar ?‍♀️

ixion Fri 10-Dec-21 15:36:35

George and I will be otherwise engaged but, in honour of Sir Tom gracing our humble abode, I have made him some barry brith (think that's Welsh?) so he feels at home.

brook2704 Fri 10-Dec-21 16:21:07

Brilliant ixion I’m sure he’ll enjoy that - we just need to keep him away from the poteen until later….

AGAA4 Fri 10-Dec-21 17:01:47

I've thrown the llamas out of the cellar now and Thor has returned looking pleased with himself. Does anyone know why? Or where he has been all day?
He doesn't seem in the mood for brewing so it was a good job brook helped out or we wouldn't have had enough poteen for the big night with Tom.

brook2704 Fri 10-Dec-21 18:02:31

I saw him earlier today AGA traipsing down Pigstrotter Alley with Sven - he looked a bit sheepish to me

lemongrove Fri 10-Dec-21 18:30:54

I think Tom left Wales a very long time ago (2pm) ?
I have given him a plate of beans on toast, two pep pills and a Viagra ( so anything could happen).

A large glass of champagne please Thor! ??

Doodle Fri 10-Dec-21 23:41:17

Tom has decided he will perform in the Argy tomorrow. Tonight he did a un dress rehearsal for a select (ahem) audience and was too exhausted after to do his show.
This means another 24 hours to get the poteen ready and give an extra sparkle to the toilets. Has anyone seen the leopard skin faux fur toilet seat cover I ordered for Sir Tom?

brook2704 Sat 11-Dec-21 09:16:37

Great news Doodle - toilet seat cover is safe, it’s at the back of the bar next to the pork scratchings
Errrr May Hem showed up late last night, I’ve managed to keep her away from the Admiral until now but need some help please - she’s rather a handful to say the least

AGAA4 Sat 11-Dec-21 13:30:41

We can put May Hem in with Alarma. They are two of a kind. She can paint Alarma's nails and give her a facial. She is a little diva.

Phew! Glad we have more time to get the poteen ready. Thor still not much use talking all day about Sven.

Doodle Sat 11-Dec-21 19:34:45

AGA brilliant idea. May Hem and Alarma are certainly made to be together. Let’s hope they’re so occupied with their nails they don’t cause trouble.
I have heard the Captain is due back from his travels next week so perhaps he and the Admiral can keep each other chatting about their sea days.
AGA I have decided to give you your Christmas present early.
Thor is obviously off no use in the cellar whilst he’s obsessed with Sven . I present you with your new brewing assistant Bjorn. Blonde, muscular, handsome, and all for you. Please note he will not be interested in Thor or Sven if you get my drift……..although please keep May Hem and Alarma out of sight.
Brook thank you for keeping my precious toilet seat safe. I will go and put it in place for Tom now. His btm will never have been so pampered.
He is ready to go onstage soon and is taking requests………for songs girls, only for songs. ?

AGAA4 Sat 11-Dec-21 19:56:04

Thank you doodle for Bjorn. Blonde, muscular and handsome.....swoon ? Must keep my mind on the brewing.
I have made a special brew of poteen for Tom with some energy powder added
I think he will need it

Doodle Sat 11-Dec-21 20:02:30

Er can you slip him a double dose AGA. I think after last night he will certainly need it. I’ve seen Grannygravy in the queue for his attention and you know what she’s like ?

lemongrove Sat 11-Dec-21 20:28:33

Bad news girls! The beans clashed with the pep pills, viagra and a pint of poteen, poor Sir Tom has just gone to A&E in a taxi, so that’s him well out of it for tonight.We shall have to try and get him back next weekend.
Meanwhile, so that nobody is too disappointed, Steamy Stan is willing to take to the stage, strip off and sing What’s New Pussycat! 1...2....3....here he comes!

ixion Sat 11-Dec-21 20:38:44

You'd have thought that coming from the valleys, he'd have had more stamina...
I'll take him in some of my barry brith so he doesn't feel too homesick.

brook2704 Sat 11-Dec-21 20:39:36

Wot no Sir Tom?. .. ?

ixion Sat 11-Dec-21 20:39:51

Steamy Stan?
This is truly an assault on the senses - all of them?

lemongrove Sat 11-Dec-21 20:45:26

It may have been your baked offerings that tipped him over the edge ixion barry brith is a terrible substance, next time bring bara brith.?

brook2704 Sat 11-Dec-21 20:45:53

Let’s just get him off the stage now … where’s Bjorn he can sing can’t he?.

ixion Sat 11-Dec-21 20:48:13

But I harvested the seaweed for it from Barry, doodle, trying to make it proper aufentik.

lemongrove Sat 11-Dec-21 20:48:40

Wow! Just look at Steamy go!
He is being chased by a horde of screaming harpies throwing their bloomers at him.I expect he will gather them up later and take them to his laundry ( the bloomers not the harpies.)
That’s if he escapes....I see Big Brenda from the chip shop is gaining on him down Pigstrotters Alley.