A photo from 8 years ago came up on my feed.
It was a great picture of our daughter and two sons sitting outside a cafe in Kensington , they had not been together for over a year.
Despite 3 happy relaxed looking AC, I was having sleepless nights!
Youngest 19 had come back from a year of volunteering overseas and was refusing to talk about university or a career, middle one was living the high life in London and in my opinion drinking too heavily, daughter had come out of an 8 year relationship with a waste of space boyfriend who had dragged her down, she had been financially supporting him as he tried to “ make it in music” .
She barely weighed 8 stone and had a demanding job in the City.
8 years on their lives are so different and positive!
Youngest completed a degree overseas and now works abroad, middle one is married to a fabulous girl and has stopped the heavy drinking!
Daughter is in a great relationship and now mother to our beautiful GC and is a healthy weight.
I am never smug but seeing that picture and remembering our angst made me think how perhaps I should have been more relaxed and trusted in them all to make the right decisions.
Will I ever stop worrying?
I worry about them, their partners and their children far too much, I'm sure.
I've often thought I'd like to be immortal but, the rate our family is growing, I think the worry would kill me, even if natural causes didn't!!
I will be sixty in just over a year and my DM says she still worries about me.
I can remember when my daughter's marriage broke up in terrible circumstances, and I felt so sad for her I didn't think I would ever feel happy again.
Twenty years on she has happily re-married, had another three children and is at the top of her profession. I still worry though.
I have always told my grown up children that when you become a parent, no one supplies an OFF switch. You are permanently on duty 24/7 whatever the ages of your children.
Its the price you pay for the privilege of having them and of course Grandchildren
It all depends on the luck of the draw. I almost lost one last year. Home after two huge operations and months in hospital and waiting for a third op. Another has a brain tumour. I worry about both of them all the time and the fit ones too because I have seen how lives can turn in a second. If I had all thriving happy offfspring I wouldn’t need to worry.
Short answer... NO.
Now that my DS has children of his own, I worry about the children now and fear for their future in this crazy society.
At least half of my children have told their children I died. I have no contact any more so nothing to worry about.
No, never. Your children are always your children, however old they are. And you can't just break the habit of always worrying for them and about them because they are now adults.
I worry but I don't think my husband worries as much as I do
it never stops does it. its the grandchildren I worry about mostly though they're grown up now...
I don't think I will ever stop worrying about them. DD was a big worry at uni, always phoning in tears about a broken relationship or not coping with workload. Used to dread the phone ringing and jumped whenever it did. She is now married although they had big problems to start with, again constant phone calls and tears. Happily they are now fine and have 2 children so clearly turned out OK. DS is currently living at home, single and unemployed, made redundant during furlough. He does worry me and I really try hard not to nag too much. I'm hoping it won't be long before he is settled.
As an adult child with a surviving parent, I would be upset if I thought my dad was worrying about me. I hope we have an honest relationship, and even at 55, I want him to be proud of me and trust me.
I hope my AC think they can be completely honest with me too, although I suspect that isn’t always the case. I do worry sometimes, but equally, I want them to know I trust them.
I don’t think we do stop worrying. My oldest 32 now living in Canada for 1.5 yrs, my only worry with him is not seeing him much, his life is good and wholesome, though communication is v good via what’s app and FaceTime. He will be home May for 2.5 wks to catch up with friends & family. We go over to his wedding in August.
Youngest 29 son, lives about 5-8 miles away, works hard In hospitality, lives the life, always busy... has a heart of gold but doesn’t find much time for me. Like yourself alcohol plays a big part of his life & somehow all his socialising revolves around this, as his work, so yes for me a big worry. But nevertheless we will always worry about our AC. Mums can’t seem to let go.?
A lot of us don't have any to worry about!
The price of love. I was told 'You can be only as happy as your unhappiest child'. That was a wise comment - how true.
Sapphire24 hang on in there! This time last time last year we were all devastated at the end of our sons marriage and worried about the effect on our GC. He was at his very lowest and so desperately sad.
A year on, our GC have adjusted and seem to be absolutely fine. Our son has met a lovely girl who seems much better suited to him and life is good again.
Life gets good, then bad, sad then happy and we just need to hang on in there supporting our children when needed. So hope everything improves for you too.
Rosina absolutely, that was the saying that came to me while I was reading this. I once made the mistake of telling my DD who felt it put a lot of pressure on her and I regretted it.
Humptydumpty it is difficult; children can feel responsible for their parent's happiness. I can recall that particularly, and evidently children blame themselves for a divorce. How we beat ourselves up throughout life. How simple life would be without emotions!
I am taking great comfort from this post. My youngest rings me in the middle of the night (or early hours of the morning) sobbing because he feels so low. He has usually been drinking and, whilst his problems are valid reasons to be depressed, the alcohol just tips him over the edge. As such, I listen and comfort but it is so painful and distressing. He is waiting for an operation to put things right but a genetic abnormality means that he is likely to suffer the same again and it has such an impact on his life. When he sobs that he just wants to be normal, I feel so helpless. My other children tell me I should put a stop to the late night calls but I worry that if he can't turn to me, he will get desperate and do something stupid.
On the plus side, he sometimes rings me just because he is walking home at night on his own. On those occasions he is normally happy and chats away telling me all about what is going on in his life and his friend's lives. His brother tells me that he occasionally rings him as he doesn't feel that he can keep putting on me. Despite all his brother says about me putting a stop to the late night calls, his brother is more than happy to receive them!
My daughter , aged 41, recently apologised for being a disappointment! Nothing could be further from the truth ! She is kind, generous, fun, caring , has a very responsible job , runs her own home but us still hurting after the love of her life left her after 13 years! She says he stole her future as she placed so much Hope and faith on him!
I am just disappointed FOR her never WITH her ! One day somebody will see her for all she is Worthing I NEVER stop worrying about her ! However , she comes from a stock of strong females !
All this worrying! It doesn't change the situation or outcome at all.
StephLP
All this worrying! It doesn't change the situation or outcome at all.
try telling your brain that......
You never stop worrying no matter how old your Kids get if you love them that is!
I too feel your pain Sapphire as my son is going through the same as yours and like muse's DS does not communicate. Now if it was my DD going through what he is communication would be no problem! I just have to keep thinking no news is hopefully good news ?
NO
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join the discussion, watch threads and lots more.
Register now »Already registered? Log in with:
Gransnet »Get our top conversations, latest advice, fantastic competitions, and more, straight to your inbox. Sign up to our daily newsletter here.
