Is marriage hard work?

i had 18 years with my husband before he died and i was widowed at 39, i was his carer for 7 years before he died, we had lots of great days but also bad times as my son was still young at the time and i could not always give my time to both of them. any relationship is hard work at times but the benefits can be fantastic, i never thought i would find someone else but i did and we had 18 years together until he died last year. i will be 59 this year and have decided i can't face loosing another partner/husband again so will stay on my own. people have to decide if they are willing to work at the relationship, if not it's over and will probably just get worse.

No relationship should be hard work. You need to work at it, yes, but it shouldn’t be hard.

My DD had a number of relationships before she met my SiL and they were hard work one way or another. It was when she met her DH she told me that she hadn’t realised that a good relationship was so easy.

As some one said making a marriage work should be fun.

I think life is hard work. Marriage is a part of life. Sometimes it will be challenging. Just like a job will, having children will, etc.

IMO, the first 10 years with young kids was hard work. Now at 20 years with teens, marriage is no longer hard, kids are. That may change when they teens leave home.

All relationships require mutual commitment, communication and compromise. Plus respect and patience. If that is not there, it will be harder than it should be.

I think some marriages can be very hard work, but by no means all. I observed my mother making all the effort with my father, giving and giving. He loved her, I’m sure, but expected her to defer to his wishes and make most of the concessions he asked for. In contrast, I saw my in-laws working as a well balanced, happy and loving team which impressed me hugely and I hoped would serve as a good example to their son, which it most certainly did not. He became more demanding and more selfish as he grew older and eventually completely uninterested in our relationship no matter what efforts I made. Certainly that was too hard for me and I am now peacefully alone. A little like GagaJo here, I feel no longer capable of giving my love, my care and my time any longer.

Yes, it is hard work.

With the wrong one it’s not hard it’s arduous, with the right one it’s easy, things fall in to place but we all have our moments.

Mine is!?

Very hard work. If I could go back in time I would definitely be on my own and be the person I would prefer to be.....

I am amazed that anyone can think any marriage can be easy all the time. People only live happily ever after in fairy tales.

I have been married 54 years and during that time we have individually and together faced all kinds of changes and cataastrophes, Changes and catastrophes that can change a person temporarily or for life, or cause mental health problems. There have been times when marriage has been hard work, but not all the time and when they are overcome our relationship is stronger because we know we can overcome problems.

It also helps to remember is that how ever faulty you see your other half, you are probably every bit as difficult to live with.

i must say, looking back over our 54 years together, i have never regretted marrying DH, although there have been occasions when I contemplated murdering him, but never considered divorce.

God yes, hard work every day.

Everything Grammaretto said.

Pammie1

Noreen3

It's better to be in a marriage that is hard work than to be a widow,that really is hard work.

Widowed nearly five years ago after nearly 4 years together. I wholeheartedly agree. I’m now in another relationship, but the sadness is still there deep down and sometimes the grief can still overwhelm me momentarily. It changes your life and you’re never the same person.

Sorry, that should have read 40 years together, not 4 !!

nexus63

i had 18 years with my husband before he died and i was widowed at 39, i was his carer for 7 years before he died, we had lots of great days but also bad times as my son was still young at the time and i could not always give my time to both of them. any relationship is hard work at times but the benefits can be fantastic, i never thought i would find someone else but i did and we had 18 years together until he died last year. i will be 59 this year and have decided i can't face loosing another partner/husband again so will stay on my own. people have to decide if they are willing to work at the relationship, if not it's over and will probably just get worse.

That’s very hard, I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of nearly 40 years almost five years ago. At the time I just wanted to die with him. Am now in a new relationship - getting hitched later this year in my early sixties. I’ve gone into my ‘second crack at life’ with eyes wide open and vowed never to take anything or anyone for granted ever again - like you, having experienced the loss, I never want to go through that again, and yet here I am about to put myself out there again.

Yes, marriage is hard work and requires compromises from each other. Also acceptance of each others faults.