How to get visitors to leave?

Ah well.
I think we've come up with a pretty comprehensive list of ways to make visitors go.
We can leave the french knickers to one side...

I'll love you and leave you

Night night
??

Sleep well.

I stand up, turn on the taps, begin cleraring the table and say that I have a full day tomorrow... Any offeres to hel with the clearing up are refused... and of course, I take out a dish of food from the freezer and hand it over with a "Don't let it thaw unless yolu're going to bake it as soon as you get home" comment.

a modern day one worth trying is to suddenly look at your watch and say, oh heavens I organised a click and collect at tesco and must dash! If they believe you face value, it is worth having to go out and go round the block, to get rid of them. If they go out and then you dont go to your car, the penny will drop but what can they say? It is a bit of a white lie but either way they will at least get the message , or alternatively you say, sorry but I have to finish my online order before 11pm or whatever.

It would have looked a bit odd to be dashing out to collect a parcel at 10.45pm! Nice idea though.

"Would you like another coffee before you go" could work

We have a friend who is always first to leave and says " love your company but don't love your hours". That would work both ways, I think, if someone overstayed their welcome

Slightly different, but my mum and dad knew it was time to call a party to stop when the neighbour two doors down would roll under their sideboard and go to sleep!

I remember reading about a Victorian mother who visited her DD for exactly one hour every week. The carriage waited outside and when the time was up, off she went. Sounds ideal.
I love the idea of keeping a hat to put on if someone arrives unexpectedly, I’ll try that! I sometimes even hide…
I tried the old trick of wrapping a towel round my head once when someone turned up out of the blue. Unfortunately he noticed my hair wasn’t even wet.

I love this thread
BRILLIANT

My grandmother was born in an era when visits were traditionally kept short and formal. Even family were allocated a specific time slot.

I was taken to see my gran (as a very young child) for a two hour slot on the second sunday of every month. At the appointed time she would stand up and announce that visiting time was over! This continued to be her habit even when I grew older and went to visit her alone. Visits has a maximum time of two hours.

This became a sort of habit. I never visit people without an agreement and always announce on arrival what time I expect to leave. I would only stay longer if they asked me to - for example stay for a meal.

Now I never answer the door unless Im expecting someone.

Get a ring doorbell - well worth the expense.

Another thing I find annoying is when visitors annouce they are ready to go- and then stay, and stay, and stay. Just when you were feeling relieved it was over!

? oooh. Dearly me biglouis that was a very Victorian Grandma. Never met mine but seen her portrait photograph.
And that is enough.
I find some of these suggestions a bit disturbing.
And as long as I’m not being stalked
I hope I never need to employ them.