Inviting friend we don't know

This happened with a group of my friends. We met about once a month, and one of the group brought along a new lady because she felt a bit lonely. She was very nice, and we tried to include her - but she didn't quite fit in. She never came back, although we did invite her.

I see none of the 'Oh you're so unkind and cliquey' posters have answered my query Re school reunions. I'm genuinely curious as to why they think a group wanting to keep a reunion as a reunion and not as just another ordinary social event with others welcome is unfriendly and unkind.

I have a long standing group of friends and go away with quite often, just us. One of my other friends said she would like to join us, she didn’t know the others but I declined. I would have asked the others first if I had wanted her to join us anyway, but, the group has a lovely relationship, we all get on so well and know each other inside out so we keep it this way. I think your friend should have asked you all first, or not considered it in the first place. Good luck.

I wonder if the woman sort of invited herself along by exclaiming about the hotel and asking if she could come, too. Your friend may have felt that she had to invite her. I agree that it changes the group dynamic.

None of the people who have talked about cliques, being unkind, why wouldn't you want to welcome a new person to the gang etc have answered a question I've asked several times. Do you think that organising a school reunion and saying it's for past pupils only is mean , unfriendly, cliquey etc?
Would you be happy to tag along to a school reunion when you never attended the school?
Would really like an honest answer to this.

For many years we celebrated New Year with a group of friends. One year one couple asked if they could bring another along and none of us felt we could refuse.

Unfortunately, the extra couple changed the dynamics of the group. They were lovely people but it just wasn't the same.

Your friend should re-think.

Sago

I was invited to join colleagues for a weekend away, they had been going together for many years.
I declined as I felt it would spoil the dynamic.

I agree exactly! Throw one new person into the mix and who knows, very poor form to just invite friend along to an old established group get together

Anyone who is in favour of the friend coming has presumably no experience of belonging to a group of people with a long- standing common background.

If everyone invited a friend the group of five would split a few times.

It does seem an odd thing to do, without at least introducing this other lady at a meal or event beforehand. The other aspect is that topics of conversation and old boundaries and memories won't be understood by an outside person, things you can talk about freely without concern may not feel as comfortable in front of a stranger. Doesn't that defeat the object of being with people who you closely know, where you can be yourself? It's not about being unwelcoming, it's a trust and joint history between you situation. Would have been thoughtful to run it past everyone at the very least, and not in a way that made the group feel uncomfortable for saying no.

Maybe you could all suggest to your friend that she could stay an extra couple of days at the hotel and her friend joins her then or
Is this way of her saying that she has become bored with "meeting up" & so needs her friend to be there?
The only way is for one of you to ask her

I hadn't thought of that Pantglas

I'd be miffed ( being polite!!) I think she should have at least had the decency to run it past all in your group! Very rude not to! Maybe you should all get to know her and maybe include her in the future get togethers!

I think for me , the most annoying thing would be that your friend never asked people if they minded someone else tagging along.
It’s impolite.

I’d be miffed too! I don’t think the should have done that without running it past the rest of you.
It’s a bit weird I can’t imagine it’ll be very nice for this friend either. She might feel a bit awkward.

I think that folks who wonder how much reminiscing you can do with old school friends etc don’t really understand the nature of those get-togethers.

A lot of what my friends and I (different groups) catch up with is our health/marital/family situations with some rather personal stuff being exchanged. It’s not top secret but not for sharing with strangers etc.

Personally, I’m quite happy for all my friends to have other sets which I’m not a part of and expect that they don’t take offence when I do other things with other people. We can’t be at the involved in everything that’s going on in our friends lives!

In fact are you going to go on every thread currently running that isn't discussing 3rd world problems and rudely tell all the posters that they're mealy mouthed and petty?

You do realise most of us have problems and crap going on in our lives and come on here to enjoy a bit of escapist chit chat
So please don't speak to me like that again.

Cossy

You know what, I’ve read and re-read all the comments here, my conclusion - first world problem ! With those in this country choosing between heating and eating and those in the Ukraine and Afghanistan losing their homes and their lives I just find this petty and mealy-mouthed and think it’s shameful !!!!

I take it you won't be posting on Gransnet any more then, as 99% of the stuff discussed would qualify as a first world problem compared to Ukraine.

Cossy

You know what, I’ve read and re-read all the comments here, my conclusion - first world problem ! With those in this country choosing between heating and eating and those in the Ukraine and Afghanistan losing their homes and their lives I just find this petty and mealy-mouthed and think it’s shameful !!!!

I take it you won't bep

Well, Cossy, you've given us your opinion (but not on the topic asked for) and I hope you feel the better for the chastisement. At the moment it is still a free Country....kind of.

You know what, I’ve read and re-read all the comments here, my conclusion - first world problem ! With those in this country choosing between heating and eating and those in the Ukraine and Afghanistan losing their homes and their lives I just find this petty and mealy-mouthed and think it’s shameful !!!!

"gate crash" that's a bit strong.
If she knew how unwelcome she was I doubt she would join in.
How much more reminiscing is there to do after 30 years fgs.
I'm amazed at some comments here.

As the OP is so adamant how she feels about the situation I'm just wondering why she's asking. I too have a feeling that the friend felt pressurised by her friend, whom she probably sees more often than this group and interacts with her more.

It’s also very odd that this friend is happy to ‘gate crash’ an established group, a bit like being the third wheel

This is just rude. If you’re all agreed on that you should jointly ask the friend not to bring the other person. And really, why would this person want to come, knowing she’s not welcome? She can visit the hotel another time.