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(35 Posts)
Esmay Tue 15-Mar-22 10:28:36

Whilst my father was in hospital for his first stay this year -I thought that it would be a nice gesture to prune my neighbour's horrendously overgrown roses as promised .

A lovely sunny morning - pruning them was a massive job .

I cleared away all the prunings filling my garden bin to capacity and with aching hands admired my efforts .

A bath later and off to the hospital - I thought how pleased she'd be .

That was over a fortnight ago .

There has been no phone call ,no note and no thank you .

Bibbity Tue 15-Mar-22 10:32:38

Isn't that a criminal offence?
Did you speak to them or consult them at all?

ninathenana Tue 15-Mar-22 10:39:16

Bibbity OP says she had promised to do it. So consultation must have taken place

Esmay Tue 15-Mar-22 10:50:06

I had promised her several times .
I wouldn't do anything illegal .

nanna8 Tue 15-Mar-22 10:51:57

Well don't do it again and put it down to experience.

MawtheMerrier Tue 15-Mar-22 10:52:12

You could always ring and ( disingenuously) ask if she is happy with what you have done?

H1954 Tue 15-Mar-22 10:52:42

Simple solution...........don't do it again. And if she asks for things to be done, just be far too busy.

Nannarose Tue 15-Mar-22 10:55:17

Oh dear, but you don't say why you were doing it. If your neighbour is unwell or frail (as I assume) they may not be quite thinking straight.
If it was a kind gesture to a busy gardening incompetent, who is in their right mind, then that's a shame and I wouldn't offer again.

paddyann54 Tue 15-Mar-22 10:59:09

Did you cut them back too much? Iasked myOH to cut back a cherry tree ,he ruined it and it had to be taken out .Check the neighbour is pleased or otherwise and get instructions about how much before you do it again

VioletSky Tue 15-Mar-22 11:02:02

Lots of reasons why you might nit have had a response

Why don't you check in with them and see if they are ok? It's been 2 weeks since you heard from them?

jaylucy Tue 15-Mar-22 11:02:42

I'd either ring them or even knock on the door and say that you had finally had time to prune the roses for her and was that ok or hoped that they are pleased with the result.
You would be surprised how many people just don't notice things that are right under their noses and unless they saw you doing the pruning, they may not have even noticed the difference!

Yammy Tue 15-Mar-22 11:04:46

Some people are takers and think it is their due, others are givers like you are.
I've had this done to me until I saw through it and it was about pruning in the garden like you. I paid for some large trees to be pruned, next door asked if the men would go round to their side, I arranged it. We got neither thanks nor something towards the cost, we got told it had not been done right.
After the third time, it now falls on deaf ears. A branch from their tree hangs over our gateway like Damacleses sword. When other neighbours point out the danger I just say tell next door .
Look after your father's side and let them have a rambling rose.

Esmay Tue 15-Mar-22 11:45:43

It was first mooted about 18 months ago .
The neighbour is hopeless at gardening and admits it .
She'd just paid a man a horrific amount to have a hedge trimmed .
She wasn't sure what to do with the roses .

I come from a family of avid gardeners .
My mother used to win prizes .
I said, my family have roses that bloom every year and have done for over 60 years .
I just prune and feed them .

She said, I don't mind what you do with them .

I've been pruning and propagating roses for about 45 years so I don't think that I spoilt them .

I hybridise some plants and belong to some specialist garden societies .
People often consult me about gardening .
I give a lot of plants away and plant them for elderly people
Some people ask me to go to plant nurseries with them and whilst I'm there other shoppers will ask me about plants
presuming that I work there !

I think that this neighbour is just completely indifferent .

Unfortunately ,she wasn't in and I had a spare couple of hours and felt guilty about the promise I'd made .
If I'm honest so many people take advantage of me when it comes to gardening .
My father always tells me off .

Esmay Tue 15-Mar-22 11:53:52

Thanks for your post Yammy .
You understand as it's been done to you . Thinking about it -it's really not the first time !
But it's going to be the last !

Callistemon21 Tue 15-Mar-22 12:43:46


Did you cut them back too much? Iasked myOH to cut back a cherry tree ,he ruined it and it had to be taken out .Check the neighbour is pleased or otherwise and get instructions about how much before you do it again

I'm not sure if you can prune roses too much - I'm a demon pruner and chopped ours back so much one year that DH said I'd killed them.

They grew back in a better shape and flowered better than ever.

However, mid-March is a bit late to prune roses - hope they are ok.

Elizabeth27 Tue 15-Mar-22 12:47:04

Maybe she has not noticed, if you want a thank you go and speak to her and tell her what you have done.

Callistemon21 Tue 15-Mar-22 12:47:40

Just read your next post Esmay - you do obviously know what you're doing!

We have a hedge between us and neighbours and have had it trimmed annually at our expense - no-one ever offers to help pay or even say thank you but they do say it's ok for us to do it (they get more sun if it's trimmed too!
One youngish neighbour complained about a few bits which fell on to his side and said he'd throw them back for us to deal with - he must be about 38 and we're getting on a bit.
Lazy lummock. He hasn't thrown them back yet though.

Pantglas2 Tue 15-Mar-22 12:48:22

I had roses in the front garden of the first house we bought and was advised that Grand National day was the last day to prune them!

They did thrive!

Zoejory Tue 15-Mar-22 12:51:28


Did you cut them back too much? Iasked myOH to cut back a cherry tree ,he ruined it and it had to be taken out .Check the neighbour is pleased or otherwise and get instructions about how much before you do it again

Just skim reading this thread and I thought you'd said that you'd had to take your DH out due to his excessive pruning!

I must say I've been very irritated by my DH going wild with the shears.

The worst thing we had was at my parents. My rather awful BiL decided my parents wisteria needed pruning. It was a fabulous plant. Years of care and training had it flowing over a beautiful archway that ran from the end of he house down into the sunken garden. Beautiful!

Sadly my father agreed and left him to it. Cannibalised it. Totally wrecked it. Nothing left! He may as well have just dug it up from the roots.

As to the OP is it possible they haven't even noticed? You have obviously done a good job and have lots of experience. As someone has said you could just ask if they're happy with your hard work.

Kim19 Tue 15-Mar-22 12:58:23

Isn't it great to be thanked or acknowledged?! However, presumably that wasn't the reason you did the pruning? I note you won't be doing it again. Sad but.....your decision, of course.

Lolo81 Tue 15-Mar-22 13:03:45

Agree with Zoe - perhaps she didn’t notice. I really dislike gardening and have someone cut my grass etc. I genuinely don’t notice these things in my garden - it’s just not my cup of tea!

Hithere Tue 15-Mar-22 13:50:28


Your passion for gardening comes through

Maybe your neighbor doesnt care that much?
Maybe your neighbour just let you do it as she/he knows you enjoy it?
Maybe the lack of pruning bothered you more than it bothered the neighbour?

I do detect a martyr vibe in your posts.
I also wonder what your expectations of thanks were.
Should neighbour say thanks? Absolutely!

Should you get so upset your hard work is not recognized for so long? Lessons learned.

ElaineI Tue 15-Mar-22 13:59:57

Maybe she was not all that bothered about the roses.I agree with Hithere's post. You do seem to have taken it upon yourself to do it especially if she wasn't in to check and maybe it was too much and she is upset. Sometimes people can appear a bit overbearing and it's difficult to say no or say what you really want.

Callistemon21 Tue 15-Mar-22 14:06:00

You say she's no gardener - so others may be right and perhaps she's not very observant either and just hasn't noticed.
Or she has no clue of the work involved.

You could just ask her if she's happy and offer her the bits back if she's not or is ungrateful.

I give a lot of plants away and plant them for elderly people

Do you live near me?
We're getting on a bit - do you like weeding?
And we'd pay!!
And say thank you.

Esmay Tue 15-Mar-22 23:25:02

Oh dear ,didn't realise that I came across as Joan of Arc - Hithere !

And maybe she really couldn't careless about the garden and only said yes because she felt obliged /was being polite .

Over the last three years I have a mobility problem and am slow otherwise I would love to help with your garden Callistemon !