Silly Songs

If you’re feeling sad and glum
Stick your finger up your bum…

A favourite of my younger brother, but I can’t remember the rest.

Not a song, but a verse, a favourite of my father!

A sigh is a current of wind
Proceeding from the heart
But when it takes a southbound course
It’s commonly called a fart.

A fart is very welcome (?)
It gives the body ease
It warms the bed in winter
And suffocates the fleas.

Then of course in December we started on
"While shepherds washed their socks by night
All boiling in a pot
The angel of the Lord came down
And pinched the flippin' lot" ?

Hey diddle diddle
The cat did a piddle in the middle of the kitchen floor
The little dog had such fun
The cat did a little bit more

Audi10

What’s the time, half past nine, hang your britches on the line, when they are dry bring them in, put them in a biscuit tin ?

What’s the time
Half past nine
When a copper comes along
Hurry up and put them on

One day I took my mother-in-law a-swimming in the ocean
Oh how she screamed and splashed about
She made such a commotion!
I laughed ha-ha, he-he, ha-ha
Oh how I laughed and gloated
For one of her legs was made of Cork
And upside down she floated!

The song that comes to my mind any time there's a question about US states on pointless is What did Delaware boys by Perry Como.
She wore her New Jersey Boys
What did Idaho boys
She hoed her Maryland boys
She saw what Arkansaw boys
etc etc etc ...

My teacher has a bunion, a face like a pickled onion, a nose like a squased tomato and legs like matchsticks

We learned the Hitler one as:

Hitler has only got one ball,
Goering has two but very small,
Himmler has something similar,
But poor old Goebbels has no balls at all.

A song about cricket, of course…

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a bear,
I’ve often seen her little lamb,
But never seen her bear.

And a rhyme that was not adult approved:

My friend Billy had a ten foot Willy,
And he showed it to the girl next door.
She thought it was a snake and hit it with a rake,
So now it’s only six feet four.

Mary Jane had a wee wane and didn't know how to nurse it. She gave it some tea and it shouted wee wee and it's poor wee belly burst-ed.

No body likes me, every body hates me
Think I’ll go and eat worms
Long thin squiggly ones
Short fat wiggly ones
see how the little ones squirm

Bite their heads off
Suck all the juice out
Throw their skins away
No body knows how well we’ll thrive
On worms, three times a day

My grand daughter adored this

My mam used to say a one in the house when no one was around.

Fanny Blot and Bella Blah hole
Kissed the donkey’s A***hole!

I once told it to my teacher, haha! She wasn’t impressed!

Jingle bells, Batman smells,
Robin flew away
Uncle Billy lost his willy
On the motorway.

Also...

A bug and a flea
Went out to tea
Upon a reel of cotton
The bug got lost
The flea got found
Upon a lady's bottom.

Aunty Mary had a canary
up the leg of her drawers
When she farted, down it darted
With a round of applause

That little ditty is is now stuck in my head, it'll be days before I can get rid of it

A Welsh one?

Cosher Bailey's sister Maud
She thought babies came from God
But it was'n the Almighty
That lifted up her nightie....

And I just found this one I didn't know! :

Cosher Bailey's cousin Morgan
Played a very large organ
It was long and it was narrow
And he wheeled it in a barrow.

I remember this song from 'The Beezer' comic about Baby Crockett.

Born in a bungalow and not yet three,
The wildest babe in the whole country,
The terror of his ma and his pa is he,
And his grandpa feels safer up a tree.
Baby, baby Crockett, king of the family.

Just loving these ditties, so many memories especially popeye and the caravan, popeye the sailer man, went in a caravan, sat on the gas and burnt his xxxx haha. Thanks for the giggle on a grey day.

I love a sausage, a cooperative sausage,
I went out and bought one for my tea,
When I went along the lobby, to see my Uncle Bobby,
The sausage it followed me,

To the tune of 'I love a lassie'
This was 1 of my Dads silly songs ,

Sung to Herman Hermits ( I think) Sunshine Girl

Sunshine girl I'm looking down your bra
I see two round things
I wonder what they are
It would delight me
If you'd invite me
To squeeze them tightly
My sunshine girl

On top of Old Smokey
All covered in smoke.
There stands Betty Grable
Without any clothes.
Up comes Roy Rogers
Clippity Clop
Down come his trousers
And out come his c*

I had no idea about all of this when I sang it aged eight. My mother smacked me

Awww your version is a lot tamer ??

Love your version coco

On top of spaghetti all covered in cheese
I lost my poor meat ball when somebody sneezed
It rolled down the garden and into a bush
Then my poor meat ball was nothing but mush.

Midgey
My little granddaughters in Australia were actually taught that one at kindergarten along with the actions

Some ga with tartan britches,
Some ga with nin at oh,
Some ga with big bare arses marching through the snow.
Meant to be about Bonnie Prince Charlies' retreat through Cumberland.

Spider, spider on the wall
Have you got no sense at all
Can't you see that wall's been plastered
Come down here you silly spider