Silly Songs

After the ball was over
Nellie took out her glass eye
Put her false teeth in water
Corked up her bottle of dye
Put her false leg in the corner
Hung up her wig on the door
And all that was left went to bye byes
After the ball.

Thank you Hilly

@Audi10 I learned a different version:
"Hilter, has only got one ball,
Goering, has two but very small,
Himmler, has something sim'lar,
but poor old Goebbels has no balls at all!"

Hitler of course, not Hilter. Stupid arthritic fingers think they can still type as fast as they used to!

Beans, beans they go to your heart, the more you eat the more you fart

Changed to:
Beans beans they go to my heart, the more you eat the more you dance round the dining room
When adults made an appearance

Also an old music hall song by Leslie Sarony, Susanna’s a fumicle sow. Dad used to sing it to us as kids & Mum hated it because of the chorus noises “Susanna’s a fumicle sow (snort) ow, (raspberry) ow, (whistle) Ridley-dow.”

Idly-Dow!

Aunty Mary had a canary
Up the leg of her drawers
When she was weeping, I was peeping
Up the leg of her drawers.

This is one my nan used to sing….
“My artificial Rosie, my artificial Rose,
She snapped off her carbon nose
Unscrewed her leg as she went to repose
Out came her false teeth and the hair from off her head.
There’s half of my Rose on the table and the other half in bed!”

I’ve tried singing to my grandchildren but just end up in a fit of giggles ?

As I was walking past St.Pauls a woman grabbed me by the elbow
She said "you look a man of pluck, come inside and have a ham sandwich:
3d 6d 9d them all - it all depends on the size of your ham sandwich....

My aunt she died a month ago and left me all her riches
A feather bed and a wooden leg and a pair of calico britches
A coffee pot without a lid, a stoup without a handle
- - - - - - - - ? and half a farthing candle!

Can anyone produce the missing half line?

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
You look like a monkey
And you smell like one too.

And - sung in the bus after hockey matches:

I've got a cookie
A cooperative cookie
And ye cannae get near it for the smell
If ye spread it wi'butter
You'll hear the butter mutter
Mary, ma scots bluebell.

(a cookie was a Scottish kind of teacake; and Bluebell was, all those years ago, the Co-op's brand of margarine)

Thanks Anno = it's next week!

Arty farty at the party
All the farts were there
Tutti Frutti did a beauty
And they all came up for air..

How childish!
I love it!

AllieOxon
My aunt she died a month ago,
And left me all her riches,
A feather-bed and a wooden leg,
And a pair of calico breeches;
A coffee pot without a spout,
A mug without a handle,
A baccy box without a lid,
And half a farthing candle.

Found it via Google - at historum.com/t/nonsense-poetry-and-plain-silly-poetry.19413/page-2 along with lots more!

Thanks Elegran that feels right. I probably got my version via Scottish relatives - would explain "stoup".
I sing it to 'Yankee Doodle'.

The odd thing about this verse is that - the only thing I found online - is that it may have come down from very old mummers' songs!