I know,I said I need to be nicer...

It was a sort of break.
I still saw her twice a day for both days.

It's a strange thing, this situation; a bit like an abusive marriage.
It has gradually worn me down to the extent that I can't see a way past it.

MissAdventure

I might get a lion.

?
A python would be cheaper to feed. Not too big, though, obv. - you wouldn’t want to be dinner.

‘I can’t open the door, Neighbour dear, Percy Python’s having a slither around, he does enjoy his exercise, bless him.’

When she disappears there will just be me and Percy (who will have a neighbour shaped lump inside him)

What a difficult situation for you MissA. Is it just you she picks in or other neighbours too?

It's just me, but she will lose no opportunity to come and talk if I have a visitor.

It's like everyone is a potential audience.

Her flat is upstairs and mine is down, in a position where she can watch every move i make.

Oh dear you poor thing. It's stalking isn't it albeit without malicious intent.

The number of posts today show how effective a mention in Gransnet daily can be!

But why were you sitting outside writing the letter to the council instead of writing it inside your home with the doors locked?

Shoot her, poison her, push her off her balcony.
Will solve two problems, she won’t be around to bother you, you can move without it costing a penny. Actually three problems, you won’t need a watering can.
Sorted!

StarDreamer

The number of posts today show how effective a mention in Gransnet daily can be!

But why were you sitting outside writing the letter to the council instead of writing it inside your home with the doors locked?

Because I absolutely love being outside in a shaded area on pleasant days.
It is all I can manage these days too.
I don't want to spend all day locked in my flat.

MissAdventure wrote Her flat is upstairs and mine is down, in a position where she can watch every move i make.

Is she directly above you, or what please?

No, she is above the flat opposite me.
This is how she has a birds eye view of what goes on.
My backdoor is overlooked by her balcony and kitchen window.

MissAdventure

StarDreamer

The number of posts today show how effective a mention in Gransnet daily can be!

But why were you sitting outside writing the letter to the council instead of writing it inside your home with the doors locked?

Because I absolutely love being outside in a shaded area on pleasant days.
It is all I can manage these days too.
I don't want to spend all day locked in my flat.

> Because I absolutely love being outside in a shaded area on pleasant days.

And you have every right to do that in peace if you want to do so.

Could you try having a sign with

I am wrting a letter, please do not disturb

placed near you.

Although you don’t want to hide behind locked doors, who would, perhaps you could lock the back door for a couple of hours each morning and afternoon so that you can pretend to have a nap, as ordered by your doctor? And put a simple note with image of someone in bed, on both doors.

I doubt that this would stop her from knocking ( ignore her of course) but she won’t be able to walk in. Mind you, I bet she will be back later but at least you would get a break! Hopefully it won’t take long for her to become accustomed to making fewer visits if she no longer needs to help you ( with prescriptions and doctors notes etc) and cannot just walk in through your back door.

You shouldn’t have to cower in your own house but your health must come first, especially as now you finally seem to be sorting out your finances and getting UC sorted out. Perhaps when everything is finally settled, you might regain the mental strength and energy to deal with your neighbour, it’s hard to find the capacity to be firm when you are so worried.

I bet it is her who has your watering can, she probably used it to water your plants but then forgot to return it!

That is exactly how it is, currently.
I listened to her monologue about what she will say to the new meighbour (to be fair, so did the person who had stopped to ask after me) and I felt so helpless.

Why don’t you put a chain on your door to prevent anyone from just “popping” in without an invitation.

Because I like my door open in the summer.
It's my backdoor, and it opens onto my step, with my plants in pots, and a tiny bit of council owned grass.
It's really not unreasonable to want a degree of control over what I can and can't do.

Just a thought, could you put up a stairgate with a lock on it so you can have your back door open?

Excuse me if this has already been said. Have you ever actually told her to leave you alone? Or perhaps cannot bring yourself to do so?
Do you want her to really stop this ?
If so do you think you can say it to her, and would she take any notice?
You have all my sympathy.

Oh crikey .... I do feel for you. That would really wear me out. I'm trying to think outside the box here ...... are you in a position to go and stay with friends for a while? Maybe a break will get her out of the habit of constantly knocking on your door? it's long shot, but would be lovely if it worked.
I do tend to agree with those who think it my be early signs dementia, sadly. Good Luck xxx

The stairgate has been mentioned.

It's one of the best ideas, but I am imagining her just battling to get it open, calling me, and not for one minute thinking it is meant for her.

I haven't told her, no.

I have on occasions said "Sorry, I just need to get indoors", when she has wanted to talk.

Could happen to any of us sadly.
She may not remember what you say and may have to repeat it again and again.
Good wishes with this.

She doesn't have dementia.

It's one of the best ideas, but I am imagining her just battling to get it open, calling me, and not for one minute thinking it is meant for her.

That may well happen to start with but if you don't give in to it, she may well stop bothering.

When you are in a stressful situation like this and unwell to boot, it is easy to get in to a pessimistic frame of mind so you can't see a solution. Sometimes you have to just try ideas and hope!

Hi there

It really is difficult but take a deep breath and tell her the truth kindly and gently that you like to have time alone .. You could say that it would be lovely to see you on such and such day .. " do you have any ideas of what We can do" gardening,coffee ,Shopping,Walking etc etc .

Let us know how You get on .... Remember Your mental health is important ... You are important.

Hi MissA ?
do you have a straight talking friend or relative who can have a frank word with her?
Say how you need your privacy etc?
They could say how you couldn’t speak to her yourself as you didn’t want to upset her as you are very fond of her etc?

I remember my Nan had a neighbour exactly the same; and then when she was much older, she became that neighbour.
Unfortunately for my aunty (her daughter), it was her who she lived next door to!