I know,I said I need to be nicer...

Daisydaisydaisy

Hi there

It really is difficult but take a deep breath and tell her the truth kindly and gently that you like to have time alone .. You could say that it would be lovely to see you on such and such day .. " do you have any ideas of what We can do" gardening,coffee ,Shopping,Walking etc etc .

Let us know how You get on .... Remember Your mental health is important ... You are important.

That sounds like a plan Daisy I think you just have to be firm and clear about things now MissA obviously tact and diplomacy is not working.
I would find this intrusive behaviour unbearable as well. I certainly would not have been as kind as you.

It won’t stop until you stop it. Just tell her. What’s the worst that can happen? Is that worse than what you have? I wouldn’t have stood it for a month. I fail to see why anyone would to be honest.

I agree MissA that your first step is that you (or a friend) should clearly ask your neighbour not to come round so often, rather than try to deal with one visit at a time or hope that she is put off by a gate.

Perhaps ask her to stick to coming round once a day, after tea or whenever suits you.

I can't garden, walk or shop.
I've become housebound in the last year or so, which is why it is so important for me to be able to do the one thing I can still manage.
Feeling some fresh air on my face.

No, fanny, no friends or relatives, I'm afraid.
My life has taken a very different few turns, and friends have fallen by the wayside along the way.
(Apart from a couple of gransnet friends. )
The only constant has been my neighbour, really.

Another reason to feel rotten for moaning.

This is why we live rurally with no neighbours.

When we first married and bought our first house in a new development in 1976 we had this from a ‘kindly’ busybody couple across the street….more than a dozen times a day between them.

While we might have shunned them until they got the message, it wasn’t possible as they were friendly with my late parents!!

MissAdventure

I can't garden, walk or shop.
I've become housebound in the last year or so, which is why it is so important for me to be able to do the one thing I can still manage.
Feeling some fresh air on my face.

No, fanny, no friends or relatives, I'm afraid.
My life has taken a very different few turns, and friends have fallen by the wayside along the way.
(Apart from a couple of gransnet friends. )
The only constant has been my neighbour, really.

Another reason to feel rotten for moaning.

No need to feel rotten, you have a lot to cope with. It's finding a balance which suits you both and you are lovely to try to do that.

Anyway, I need to stop being such a drip, and sort this out, I know.
I will try a multi pronged attack (not literally)

It has helped to have input from sensible people, so thanks all.

I’m in a very similar situation too MissA
It’s not easy is it.

It’s a shame we can’t get a straight talking GN er to speak to her…?
Who do you think would do the best job?

Several spring to mind.

Hi MissAdventure ,

I've just reread your posts .
I'd skimmed through them when I wrote my last post .
I now see what an intolerable position you are in .
I don't know what to suggest .
I just want to say how sorry I feel for you .

I could escape to my father's house (exchanging one lot of craziness for another ) and used to go on endless trips .

Wishing you good luck and hoping for a happy outcome .

I know it's hard to ignore the door and someone calling you . So if I was you I'd buy some headphones and try to listen to music or audio books. Then you can say honestly " sorry I didn't hear you , someone suggested this as relief from stress " then lock your door and relax . Eventually( hopefully) she will take the hint . But it will give you a break .

You know those two-sided signs on a piece of string that small shops in the door ...

Like this?

I believe in being nice to people but I think I would have to sort this out. I would have done it long ago, for the sake of my health.
Tell her you don't have the energy for chatting these days, you can't cope with so many visits and need time alone and when she comes, tell her you don't want to talk. Tell her you will have coffee once a week for a couple of hours and that's all you can manage.
You're going to have to be brave and just do it.
She will most likely be hurt/offended. But you can be nice to her and more interested if you meet less often at a prearranged time.
If she continues to come just tell her no, she can't come in and keep doing it.
I wish you good luck. It's an awful situation.

That is the bare bones of it.
I do find it exhausting, even though some visits are only 10 minutes or so.

Then it just infuriates me even more!

All the banging and shouting and phoning for a 10 minute catch up!

I am going to deal with this, one way or another.

Would all this pestering count as stalking or something similar? As a last resort there's always the police.

Actually, second to last resort might be to tell her you feel pestered and find her constant interruptions of your life distressing. Tell her to leave you alone or you'll have to call the police to get a restraining order.

I would do that if driven to it as I think you are being. Her persistence strikes me as very like stalking.

I am going to deal with this, one way or another.

Go for it, and remember, honesty is the best approach.

You absolutely should not have to put up with it, Mads

It is like stalking, I think.
She has no self awareness, though.

She would do it when I had been to the hospital with my girl for awful, terrible appointments. I feel bad for saying "she", but am trying to preserve some anonymity, at least. so gransnet thoughtfully put it in the daily email

I wonder you haven't gone completely mad - and also how you can rock up on here with a sense of humour from time to time. I salute you! Quite seriously your neighbour sounds like unmitigated hell, and from your fragmented posts today detailing what she does - you have described it as 'opening the flood gates' but it sounds like a strong dose of 'end of tether' to me - and I would certainly employ some of the excellent suggestions made here by other posters. I like the note on the door about the medically advised VERY long nap each afternoon. You have my heartfelt sympathy - although fat lot of good that is. I wish you luck. x

Just a thought - is there any chance she might me on this forum, reading this thread? Might not be a bad thing.

Sorry I'm full of typos today -might be on this forum and might not be a bad thing

She doesn't read well at all, not from the stroke.
She tells me she was always "thick".
I'm on my back doorstep, all defiant and full of pep, and have just realised she is out.
Bliss!

Oh that's a shame about the not reading as it might have saved you the problem of how to broach the matter with her. Maybe she is away shopping for a new watering can. Sorry but I've got lots of funny visions in my mind now that have become slightly intertwined along with " Home Alone" type antics that Kevin employed to keep the baddies out! I think I will go and get some fresh air and water my plants but out of respect will use the spray on the hose rather than my watering can.

I'm sitting where the bereaved can see me, in case they decide to rehome a watering can.