I know,I said I need to be nicer...

crazyH

When you see her coming, put your coat on and say “oh I was just on my way out” ?

Oh crazyH that took me back... I had a colleague once who kept coming into my office 'to compare notes''. It always seemed to be when I had a pile of paperwork to get through at the end of the day and there were times when I didn't get home till after 7 at night. There were other times too and sometimes my only option was to put my coat on and tell her I had to go out....She was a great colleague otherwise, though...and the chats were really interesting....

mid not mud !!

Think I'd move!!

TBH I would have to move!

Some people just don't understand boundaries. You need to set them for her. It's not a comfortable thing to do but this is causing you a real problem, Decide what you can cope with and set those as your limits - days, times, whatever is your tolerance level.

I have had a couple of days respite, as her sister has been down to stay with her.
So, I'm going to be caught up to date with everything as soon as her sister goes.

As for telling her family - absolutely no chance that they would be able to take on board and deal with anything.
They all have their own share of problems going on.

The break has been lovely, though.

A glimpse of how life could be...

* So, I'm going to be caught up to date with everything as soon as her sister goes.* Only if you let her. You’re the only one who can make a change in the vibe; don’t give in before you’ve really got going ??

Yes, good point.
No point me complaining if I'm like a wet dish rag in her presence.
I need to man up!

She seems oblivious to how intrusive she is being but you shouldn't be a prisoner in your own home. I really think the best solution is that you need to be very firm with her. Tell her you're busy or too tired, just say now isn't a good time for you, ask her to leave it until the next day. It’s not easy when you're such a nice person but you need to stand your ground. You could also try setting a 10 minute timer or alarm when she pops in and when it goes off say, that's time for my nap, I'll have to ask you to leave, see you tomorrow and emphasise the tomorrow bit.

Move house

I can't afford to.

Since she has an extensive family, could you perhaps talk to one of them about it? Tell them what you have told us, that she is constantly calling on you and bringing youthings and it is driving you mad?

Don't feel bad nor mean about it .
You've done your best to be nice .
It is really hard .
This neighbour has serious mental health issues .
If you can -
try and contact her family to contact her GP .

Several of my long term friends describe me as a collector of lame ducks .
I met people with problems, I feel acutely sorry for them and I end up being driven crazy .

It's a very sad fact of life that one in four people in the UK are mentally ill to varying degrees .

I'd describe two old friends from where I used to live as strange .
They both became suffocatingly demanding , rude to and insanely jealous of my other friends even suggesting how I could spend my life 14 /7 .

Coming round - regularly shouting through the letterbox asking neighbours where I was and on one occasion threatening to call the Police because something must have happened to me as I wasn't answering the door !

In both their cases -they'd lose their temper over something trivial .

Finally in both their cases after being shouted and screamed at in the street and in cafes and after one of them tried to drag me into her house - I was absolutely terrified of her and - I walked away permanently .

She traced me to my father's house and started phoning him .

She even wrote to him .

They tried to tempt me with a birthday party .

I refused to go and that's when the message finally got through .

Her family would be unable to help.
The siblings all live elsewhere, and her children have their own issues.

TELL HER YOU HAVE BEEN VISITED BY ALIENS AND THEY HAVE TOLD SHE NEEDS TO MOVE

You can't control what happens outside your flat but please always keep your door locked. Your listening to what she's shouting through the door when its locked so wear sound blocking headphones when your busy. Try not to respond when she does shout through the door or waits outside again its pressure for you to repond, Good Luck

I remember you mentioning about her before btw. I think some people really do not pick up social cues and I imagine you are a bit like me in that you nod and listen. There is a chap at my work who does this and he just talks and talks and talks at me and he even cried fgs last week whilst telling me about something completely unrelated to him. I don't know wtf to do either but at least i don't like next door to him

As I have said, she receives good input from various health branches.
Feet done, a counsellor, if she needs to talk (!) help with her diabetes. She is going to be having a memory test soon, but previous ones have concluded that a lot of her issues are anxiety related.

Do you think it is possible that she cannot remember how many times she has spoken to you or popped round. I think probably tell her that you are needing to rest a lot more these days and that you are going to put a 'don't disturb sign up' so everyone knows not to ring the bell. That way it won't feel so personal.

Yes, I think it is very possible that she doesnt remember, but it seems as if she is so driven by her absolute need to speak that she forgets these things.

I sat quietly on my backdoor step the other day, writing a letter to the council.
Somebody had just stopped to ask me how I am, when my neighbour came down.

She entirely took over with a conversation about what she will say when a new person moves into the block.
"I shall introduce myself, because I'm polite, but I shall say No Music, No Weed, blah blah blah..."

Tell her you have got yourself a cat and you can't open the door in case it gets out as it has to get used to its new home. If she bangs the door tell her stop cos she's frightening the poor thing. It might take a long, long time for it to settle in....

I might get a lion.

Now you have had a break from her maybe you could use that, when you next see her say how much you have enjoyed having peace and time alone so have decided that you will be doing that more often and will see each other once a week for a catch-up.

When she knocks or phones tell her you want to be alone and will see her on the day arranged, if she ends up not liking you then job done.

Ask her for your watering can back? Should buy you a few hours peace while she searches!
Long term - you'll need to be very persistent with being tough, though the 'do not disturb' notice idea is a good one and might help.

The more you tell us, MissA the more it sounds like she might be neurologically diverse. Many women, in particular, escaped any assessment because they present in such different ways to males. It is one of those iniquities of medical science that everything was geared to males! Of course, knowing that won't make it any easier to live with. I have a daughter who will tell me the same thing over and over again with nothing being able to shut her up. She also does it at speed in a loud voice...paradoxically, she gets overwhelmed by other people's noises even if they just breathe too near her. I am convinced she is ND but before I realised, she became an adult so she just won't get assessed.