Very unorthodox funeral the other day

We had a civil service for my husband when he died 11 years ago. We had a very good civil celebrant who made a very good addrsss out of the info we had given him. We also had poems and really nice music - some of which he had chosen. The very last song he had chosen and made everyone smile “Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye”! I have got to say that most religious funerals I have been to do seem more impersonal than the civil/humanist ones - sometimes I haven’t recognised the person the vicar/priest is talking about!

Ps it was my husband who chose the music - not the celebrant!!

Im glad to see that secular and non traditional funerals are becoming more popular and are no longer judged as people doing a "cheapie". Traditional funerals have become far too expensive and the industry is deeply corrupt in the way it pressures relatives at a vulnerable time. Spending money you cant afford in this way is just avulgar show for the world. Far better to simply sit down to an unofficial wake to remember the person.

Well said, biglouis!

A very enlightening thread - and where other than Gransnet would you find a discussion like this! I'm all for the gently unconventional idea, and have been for many years. My DH was killed in an accident nearly 30 years ago and we were still young enough not to have discussed our funerals (his uncle took over from me as I was in total shock and it was a traditional church/crem/hotel event which I know he would have appreciated if he hadn't been so young.) But I want mine to be "of nature" and I shall have to write it all down for the family. I would really love my granddaughter to dance for me one last time as I lie in my willow box, and I shall write out some of my memories for them to read out. I also envisage them sitting around my coffin, a drink in hand and having a bit of a chuckle, and then leaving as the crematorium staff move in to do what has to be done. Just family there as I shall be so old that I will have outlived all my contemporaries! That's the dream and as I'm in my 80s now I'd better get a move on with the fine details!

How tragic for you Taichinan. Not surprising you hadn’t discussed funerals.
Fact is many older people have not discussed their funeral wishes either, so it is interesting to see that so many on here have thought about it. Research shows around 42% over 55s haven’t even made a will.
When death, or ones own demise is mentioned, it’s common to be thought morbid.
I have been to a death cafe which was really useful, and a few years ago saw a very good, amusing but thoughtful play on the subject.
We can’t escape it that’s for sure and I’m sure talking more openly can reduce the fear around it, and possibly enjoy the life we have more fully.

My funeral wishes are to leave my body for medical research or direct cremation, no fuss, no bother and prepaid.
My father explicitly said he didn’t want anything remotely religious. My 2 sisters completely overrode his wishes and quite honestly it was really distressing. We had no idea re music- he never, ever showed any interest in any form of music (other than to say he hated opera and the Messiah!), definitely didn’t want hymns or prayers. They had the full blown works for his funeral.
I didn’t, thankfully, attend, I sat with my mother in her nursing home and we watched it online.
For her funeral she’d luckily written very clear instructions.
For mine, nothing. I will ask for there to be a family get together and that’s it.

3 of my DC live on the other side of the world, and 2 have young children. I have told them that it's totally impractical for them to fly over here when I die, and have suggested the two local DC have a direct cremation, and a family get-together at some future date.
I think that they feel guilty about the idea of 'not being there for me', and insist that they will fly over, when the time comes. In my opinion this will be such a waste of money, and time, but I will have to leave it up to them.

I’m being cremated without a ceremony and ashes returned to my DS to be scattered at location of my choosing (he knows where). I am prepaying for it so it will cost nowt to the boy and zero fuss. Just what I want.

Annaba - it is apparently perfectly legal to be buried in your garden or land that you own as long as it complies with safety issues. I remember. a Ben Fogel tv program recently where the lady who lived in a remote part of Ireland had her husband buried in the garden. What a good idea!

Always nicer to see ones children whilst still alive, instead of them coming long distance to a funeral.
Am
Having second thoughts about my funeral and would be happy for it to be very simple so have let them know and when the time comes it’s up to them. One of my two is abroad so a lot round me left to the other.

Round me? I meant a lot of the work involved would be left to my local AC,

It may be legal, and practical if you have a country estate, to be buried in the garden. However in a regular house garden you may have difficulty selling with a grave in the garden.
Many I guess would be put off buying it. You could get away with ashes tho!

I’ve paid for my cremation in advance. My most in touch child will be told and my ashes will be going on the Rose Garden. It’s her job to tell her brothers and sister that I’ve died. I just hope that I’ve managed to tidy up paperwork etc before I’m off and away.