Very unorthodox funeral the other day

Maywalk, your first poem is the story of my night!

I had a direct cremation for my husband it was something he would never discuss but did once agree that he would have the same direct cremation that he knew I wanted for myself. I now think maybe it would have been better for a 'usual' type funeral with people in attendance so that it doesn't seem as if he was just swept aside in some anonymous unacknowledged way.

I'm religious and will want a religious funeral, but it's nice that there's more choice these days. I've been to a humanist funeral and felt there was something missing, but it was very well done.

My FiL's funeral was in church, with hymns but with his favourite popular songs played before and after, then we repaired to the village hall afterwards for refreshments. We put out photographs to get people talking and we all had a good reminisce, so that part of the day was similar to what Witzend describes.

My husband passed in 2018 and we had what was considered an ‘unusual’ funeral for him. We had the service at home surrounded by family and friends and we took him on the back of a converted classic pick up for a ‘cruise’ (drive) around some of the local show grounds where we used to show our classic American car. One of his brothers was at first opposed to it and said that it was ‘disrespectful’, however, after the funeral he said to me that it had actually been the best way to celebrate my husband and his life.

Definitely planning a non-attended direct cremation for myself. £950 according to the poster in the Co-op window.

Sounds good. I wonder why they booked the chapel for the goodbye if they were so determined not to follow tradition. They could have had the deceased delivered to their home and had a party there, which is how one of the neighbours did it, with music and speeches and food. At 4pm the funeral director's Volvo turned up, the coffin was covered and loaded and we waved goodbye.

Maywalk, I love your two poems. They must have made the funeral attendees smile!

That does sound just lovely . My father's funeral was a long drawn out Catholic marathon of changing and all the other hypocritical nonsense, I hated it and was the only one dry eyed and clock watching , everyone else seemed to think it was benefitting him in some way- nothing would make him palatable noeven a requiem mass!t

#chanting , they were all chanting!!

It's good that there are various ways to celebrate someone's life when they have died nowadays - especially if the person themselves has had a chance to indicate what they would like.
We were discussing my mum's funeral with the undertaker (about 20 years ago). My mum loved music and dancing (and became a qualified line dance teacher at 75!). We were trying to choose her favourite songs to be played at the service/crematorium and there was one in the back of my mind from her dance classes she ran. We got strange looks from the undertaker when my husband, my sister and I all fell about laughing - having remembered the song was "Stayin' Alive". We didn't choose that, of course, but did have Louis Armstrong's " What a Wonderful World"

I’m just so pleased that everyone can now have the funeral they want. When my mum dies in the eighties I don’t think there was much alternative to a funeral without hymns and prayers, although she was cremated. The vicar who spoke about her life had never met her and although he did his best from what we told him, it felt very impersonal, I hated it and I still wish I had the courage not to go. It’s a pure cremation for me.

What a lovely way to say goodbye, sounds perfect to me. Only yesterday my sister and I were having a conversation about this subject because she received the forms she requested from Pure Cremation. She wants straight to crematorium, no mourners and ashes scattered at her chosen place and I'm swaying that way too.
We are the last of the family so we only have our friends left to attend. My sister isn't religious at all so said they can all head to the pub instead and raise a glass.

What a lovely saying of goodbye.
I would like something similar and I think DH wants his ashes spread on the Cumbrian fells so I'm going on the seashore.
My father was an unbeliever and said he wanted to go on the dust cart and make potash. My mother insisted on the full works for him. All rather sombre to start with, she put him in the Methodist plot because she was when he had been Cof E.
The mist and clouds rolled in from the sea the lightning flashed over Criffel and the rains came.
The undertaker who was my dad's friend just looked at me and said: "Well wouldn't W....... have loved this all very Thomas Hardy". He made me smile and see the ironic side of things.
We all came away thinking how dad would have laughed at us standing in a thunderstorm.

I don't have many friends or relatives.I'm disabled but I am religious and would like a church funeral with a hymm and a prayer or two.

I am very keen on Quaker Funerals as they are so much more personal.
But I conducted the funerals of both my parents sourcing somaterial from the American Indian and the Maori cultures as they both have a deeper understanding of the business of death.
Fortunately neither of my siblings protested.

These all sound very well-planned funerals and those present have obviously found then good experiences.

The really important thing is to make quite sure that our families, friends or whoever will be responsible for our funeral knows what we want or didn't want.

I say this because I some years ago attended the funeral of a dear friend who had left only very general instructions along the lines of no prayers or hymns, cremation not burial, so there we sat approximately 70 people for ten excruciating minutes waiting for someone to start proceedings.

Finally, I crossed to the deceased's brother and asked if he wanted to say something or whether he would like me to start. If I hadn't done so, I am much afraid we would just have sat there in gloomy silence until the staff came to take the coffin away.

At Easter my cousin died, and her nephews who knew they were supposed to arrange things could find no instructions as to what she had wanted, nor had she ever talked to them about it, or stated her wishes in her will. They opted for direct cremation and a Celebration of her Life three months later.

This seemed strange to me, as my cousin had been a church-goer most of her life, and as far as I knew still was at her death.

So please, everyone, take reponsebility for this last event of your life and make it clear to someone what you want.

We recently held a humanist funeral for my father. Every aspect of it was personal and meaningful - the music my dad liked, the readings and the eulogies. It was just what my dad would have wanted as he thought religion was all hot air. Many people commented on how good the celebrant was. We found her through Humanists UK.

It is my FIL's funeral tomorrow, a full requiem mass as he was a devout catholic then cremation attended by the priest and my DH as the eldest son as FIL requested.
The rest of us will go back to his house where we will have food and wine. We're expecting quite a lot of people as he was a local GP for years and very well known. We're putting out lots of photos of his life together with mementos which will hopefully get people talking.

Arranging a funeral is so exhausting though, it's like organising a wedding but in a fortnight and with no invitations/RSVPs. Hopefully we won't run out of food.

Sound absolutely perfect

Sounds absolutely perfect

It’s important you get the funeral you wish for so I am pleased it worked well with you

My FinL wants a direct cremation, and has also, in his will banned any form of memorial or meeting to celebrate his life. We love him, he is a smashing Dad, but as he doesn't believe in God, we are to have no chance to sit together and talk about him or laugh, or cry. We suggested a posh afternoon tea for those who wished to attend; at his favourite hotel - but were told that was too much like a memorial. It will be a very sad day when we can do nothing to express our love for him...He is almost 92.

Secular funerals are absolutely fine.

For me no wake no funeral. My ashes to be collected from crematorium and sprinkled on my favourite place. No service no fuss. I've never liked a fuss and don't want my daughter's and grandchildren to have to deal with it. Both my daughter's know my wishes in that respect.

Church of Scotland has neither Chapels nor Padres, these are Roman Catholic terms, as a convert from one of these religions to the other I'm well used to some confusion though