Very unorthodox funeral the other day

My husband was cremated and a celebrant talked about his life prior to the cremation, his family, our ups and downs. We cried and we laughed and friends nodded when he commented on various aspects if his character. It was sad yet informative to friends who later remarked how they’d been made aware of things they never knew about him. We went to a local Inn where we chatted and swapped memories of him and his antics and I provided a memory book for people to write their recollections of things they remembered about him. I often read the things they wrote and it lifts me when I’m feeling down.

Just stick me on the compost heap - earth to earth and all that. I recently had a marketing call for pre-paid funerals, the young man on the phone sounded quite “ill” when I told him I was leaving my corpse to a body farm and what that was all about. Not true (as yet) but I’ve not had any more calls.
All funerals except a couple I have been to were horrendous, my father’s and mother’s, and a couple of friends, one of whom loved The Proclaimers - not one note of “500 miles”.
At another the vicar sang a whole hymn on his own without music, we were all sat there with our mouths open! But there was one where a couple of young ladies turned up each carrying a red rose, they were wearing very skimpy clothing and covered in tattoos - turned out they were at the wrong funeral! His wife said he would have loved that.

Funerals are a waste of money and the time allowed is inadequate. I intend leaving some money (hopefully) for a chips and champagne gathering, but no one can say anything about me (good or bad) that they haven’t said to me when I was alive.

As the American poet and undertaker said “funerals are for the living - the dead don’t care”.

Sounds a perfect send off.

I organised my uncle's funeral. I used a BBC 4 programme called 'With great pleasure ' as the template and gathered together a collection of prose and poetry that represented his life and did the eulogy myself. Friends and family made the readings.

I have told my children that all my plans for my funeral are to give me solace while I live. Once I have died, that is the end of it and they should then give me the funeral that provided them with the greatest solace., whether it accords with my plans or not.

I'm not having a funeral. They can give my ashes to DH to scatter or, if he passes before me, they can stick me in a pauper's grave, and definitely no wake. If they couldn't be bothered with me when I was alive then I'm certainly not throwing a shindig for them when I die.

Am I bitter about some people? Hell yes!!!!

I am not religious and have requested that I want a simple funeral. I would rather the money went to my great grandchildren.

My DH died in May. His wish was for a small personal event more or less by invitation. Hire a rom in Funeral Directors premises (husband had been before and really liked the room). Only 30 guests, Celebrant attended and addressed group going over info provided by family. Meanwhile a slide show of photos linked to events was shown. No music. Later we adjourned to another room for sandwiches etc. and chat. DH was taken to crematorium 8 am next morning in Jaguar hearse as per his request being driven at maximum speed limit of 70 mph again as requested. No-one in attendance.
I would like the same.

Quaker style gatherings always seem to give those who wish to speak the chance, whilst any who don't are not obliged to. We ran out own services for DH's father and my mum's was a zoom meeting in lockdown. Nevertheless I would have done exactly the same for her but hugs afterwards would have been so nice with all the family. Grandchildren and I read things we had written, her favourite music was played and then a year later we had a gap in lockdown so we're able to all meet up and let her and my brother's ashes mingle together as they floated across the North Sea.

@Treetops05 that sounds sad. I wonder could you do what you want anyway not as a memorial event but a come and support me and we'll have a nice tea and talk about how I feel. Call it a belated birthday party maybe. Or if there is house clearing to do and mementos to share, call it a house clearing party and pay for it out of his estate. As someone said up the thread, funerals are for the living as much as for the dead, you'll have done what he wanted with regard to no funeral.
Someone else said she had planned her funeral to give her solace, but told her family to tear up the plan if they wanted and do what gives them solace
It's important to be able to talk about your lost relatives if that will help you. My Mum went during lockdown and we couldn't havae a tea afterwards, which was a big shame, as it had been so good to be able to meet people and have the chance to chat after Dad's

The maddest one I went to was for my neighbour, Trevor Baylis, who'd invented the wind-up radio. Another neighbour, a carpenter, built the coffin which was a bright yellow replica of the original radio. No undertakers were involved, and he was driven to the crem in the back of his own old Range Rover with the boot propped open as the coffin was a bit long. There were two motorbike outriders and the rest of us followed in a pair of red double decker buses.

It saddens me that so many think that a "religious service" cannot also be personal with lots of family input Any service I ever conduct is exactly that

I like that there is the choice of expressing and celebrating the deceased, rather than having something religious when the deceased may not have been so inclined.
My Mum had been very involved during her life with the Girl Guides and putting on an annual pantomime, so she was played in to a medley of pantomime tunes, and at the end played out with 'Taps', the song always sung in the evening at Guide camps.
Last Monday (yes, the hottest day of the year) was the funeral of a good friend in our biker community. He was played in by Highway to Hell (very appropriate words for bikers), Knocking on Heaven's Door, and played out to Bat Out of Hell. We formed a motorcycle escorts for him to the crem (how hot were we in leathers etc!), and the wake was bacon butties, chips and beer, and donations to the Children's Hospice, a charity we all support by an annual Santas on a Bike ride. Extremely appropriate arrangements by his family, and reflecting our friend's life perfectly.

Lost my mum a year ago. We wanted a celebration of her life so the coffin was brought into the chapel to Donna Summer's "I feel love" which was mums favourite decades ago. The Reflective was Rod Steward singing "A nightingale sang in Berkley Square" and the curtain closed with George Ezra's "Shotgun" which was her recent favourite. Everyone was smiling and it was a brilliantly sunny day.

When my late husband passed unexpectedly 4 and a half years ago it was a mixed/eclectic service.

Our young minister was amazing about it as it was personal and Welsh themed with some Christian elements.

My husband was carried in to the Welsh national anthem. His casket was covered in his Welsh shirts.

There were two secular songs which were our wedding songs and 1 contemporary Christian song.

They were "9 million bicycles in Beijing" "Fields of Gold" and the Christian song "Your beautiful"

Everything else was eulogies and 1 Bible verse.

The Service finished with Calon Da

Funeral last week of a former member of an amateur dramatics society. A fellow actor started the service by saying”Well Maeve, its a full house tonight & they are even standing at the back”. At the end he said “For a good performance we always give a standing ovation”. Which we did! What a lovely send off.

GrammarGrandma, more than just a place. Your ceremony sounds lovely and appropriate. Ours will be the Latin Rite Mass and, of course, a good Irish wake for me, and a party of all the guys from the old neighborhood for my husband (mostly Mexicans and Germans, all Catholic).

I tried to convince my children that a midnight funeral with a horse-drawn hearse, flaming torches, and a thirty-yard procession of mourners making their way along a windswept cornish cliff might be a wonderful way to remember me.

I won't repeat the language they used when they stopped laughing. . .

But putting me out with the recycling seems my best hope.

I’m not at all religious, but perversely I still like a trad funeral service, with some favourite, tear-making hymns. Dear Lord and Father of Mankind… etc. At my father’s, we had Eternal Father Strong to Save - his favourite, being ex RN and having survived 2 years of the Battle of the Atlantic.

At my mother’s trad funeral, we played a CD of her youngest granddaughter singing the solo of Panis Angelicus with her school choir. A truly beautiful, sweet soprano - it gives me goosebumps every time I hear it - so I think I’d like that at my funeral, too. ?

Vintagenonna....that sounds wonderful. I can't imagine why your children laughed.

GrowingOldDisgracefully I have sent you a PM ?️

Vintagenonna please don’t forget the professional wailers.

My fathers funeral is to be in a few weeks time - a big very costly affair and not what I think he would have wanted. Sometimes I think the funeral is for the wishes of those left behind.

Witzend, I'm sorry you have lost a dear friend but it sounds a very fitting service and I am glad the crem staff are open minded about this sort of thing

I welcome your ideas for a more personal type of funeral. They so echo my feelings as I have already advised my family that I do not want them to give me a “Morbid” send-off but rather to celebrate a life of many happy moments e.g no black colours and drinks / party for afters with family and close friends. Also, I do not want to go through the expense of a funeral like my father’s a year ago which was extremely well organised by funeral directors and which would certainly have pleased him as a traditional Christian. It cost thousands; money which I would prefer to give to my grandchildren. I honestly do not mind where I am buried- even in our garden next to the dog! ( We have a big garden - and dog).
Can anyone advise how or whether it is possible to style one’s own Departure.
( These considerations are currently all the more important for me as I have recently started Chemotherapy and the outcome is naturally uncertain! )
Thank-you.