Were you a disappointment to your parents ?

Me too. I was no.2 of 3 girls. First one, the sex doesn’t matter, second one they hope for the other sex. Didn’t happen! Just another girl. I was labelled as the son they never had. Everything I did was a disappointment, even though 99% of the time I did as I was told, rather than do what I wanted.
All their lives, I wasn’t good enough.
The ONE thing I did right was to marry DH!

No not ever. If anything I think I surprised them, they didn't expect me to do or get where I did, never put pressure on and were very proud

All I can say is, my mother was an enormous disappointment to me.
When I was in other peoples homes, I was really amazed at how other families interacted, wealthier families, poorer families, single parent families, they all made me envious.

Not to my dad, but definitely to my mum. They had been married 12 years and told they'd never have children before I came along, so I think in that time, she'd built up an image in her head of this 'perfect child' that she might have had. I never lived up to that. Even when I did achieve something I thought worthy of her praise, she would find fault in it - I got the best exam results of anyone in my class, but that still wasn't good enough for her. She told me not to even think of applying to go to university because 'we can't afford it' - then years later loved to throw it back in my face that so-and-so's son or daughter was doing so well in life (doctor or lawyer etc), adding 'but of course, they went to university'. No matter what I did, I couldn't win with her. I was always too fat, not pretty enough....and so on.

Yes, for the whole of my mother’s life (she died at 93), I never did a thing right and she never hesitated to remind me.
From‘nearly killing me when you were born’ to her last words being ‘You’re fat’.
Never was I told that I was loved by either of my parents. I recently discovered that my father had withheld inheritances left to me too, from my grandparents.
Needless to say I haven’t grieved for one minute since they died.

Blondiescot
My mother said the same to me re going to university then told me I should have been a doctor (I was a nurse but that wasn’t good enough), I should have married a doctor (!) etc.
I was compared unfavourably to her friend’s dd at every possible opportunity too.
Sickening isn’t it?

BlueBalou
Sounds familiar

I never felt a disappointment to my parents. They were happy with what I and my sisters did, Education was important to my mother, in particular, and we all went to university

I married, but neither of my sisters did and my parents never showed any disappointment, whether they felt it, we will never know.

However, my parents were of that generation that believed that it was bad to praise children, so any success in life was greeted with satisfaction, but seemed to be just taken for granted, so while all three of us felt secure and loved unconditionally, it was only after my father died that my parent's friend's told us how inordinantly proud they were of us and everything we did and told their friends about our every success.

We both agreed (one sister died in her 40s) what a difference it would have made to us to, now and again, to have had some words of praise, delight or real pleasure from our parents, for them to have told us how proud they were of us. rather than for us to discover they were after their deaths.

I grew up hearing the words ”I rue the day you were born

It was a jolt seeing those words again.

Oh what a dreadful thought OP
No, I know my parents were (probably disproportionately) proud of my academic achievements at school where I was embarrassingly top of my class every year , ultimately head girl. Of my getting into St Andrews and my degree.
I may have disappointed them by getting married and moving to London after graduation instead of coming back to our small town or perhaps teaching somewhere not too far away, like Edinburgh though.
With hindsight as a mother of grown up daughters and now a granny I can see that but I also know that Mum left her country and parents after WWII to marry and my Dad would have upped sticks and pursued his dream of a career in journalism like a shot if the demands of the family business had not held him back.
Some sad stories here - all credit to those who overcame those dreadful conditions and turned their lives around.

Chewbacca
I think the words I heard most frequently were
‘You’ll be made a ward of court’
I never really knew what it meant, and I still don’t.
But I always thought that if it meant being sent to a childrens home, then I was definitely up for it!

I am very happy to say that no, I wasn't. The only thing my dad was disappointed about, was that I put a bit of weight on. Everyone in my family was always slim and toned. But I know he was (and so was mum) very proud of me and my achievements.

Chewbacca Sorry…… I guess you heard the same, it seems to be a narcs favourite.

JaneJudge

The one yes but I could have farted a rainbow with a pot of gold at the end and he'd have picked fault. I wonder what makes people spiteful parents to their own children?

They’re usually damaged people themselves, Jane
I found out what terrible things that had happened to my parents. It put it all into perspective.

Absolutely not, my parents were lovely and very supportive to all of us. I lost them far too soon, they missed out on so much.

Not disappointed that I ever knew about, except when my brother moved abroad. My parents were proud of us for large or small things in life, and encouraged us to our best whatever we chose to do.
MtM Some sad stories here - all credit to those who overcame those dreadful conditions and turned their lives around.
That’s so true, but reading how much those memories are still present and grating on posters, it’s a warning to all parents and grandparents to tell their children and grandchildren how much they value them.

My mother was mentally ill but my dad was a loving father, I never felt I was a disappointment to my parents.

DH on the other hand sees himself as a disappointment. He had said to me ‘I am the dunce in my family and I cannot do anything right in my life.' To which I said ‘That is not true! You married me, so you have done at least one thing right in your life!’

We always tell our only daughter that we are extremely proud of her and her achievements. DH always tells her how much he loves her.

Disappointment to my parents and myself, turning into a fully fledged alcoholic at the age of 15…. proud of me when I went to AA and stopped drinking at the age of 28….

As Sara1954 says, my parents were a disappoinment to me. My father was a horrible man. My mother did the best she could. We were fed and clothed. Apart from that, they took no interest in us whatsover. We weren't hugged, told we were loved, encouraged in any way. My mother spent her life trying to dodge his fists. The children were secondary.

My mother is remembered for saying on my wedding day when I was 17 and pregnant “don’t think you can come back”. Well we have been married 52 years now so I never needed to go back. I had trouble believing how well she got on with our grandchildren - it was like a different person.

Tizliz similar here, I was told I'd made my bed and could now lie in it.

No, not as far as I was ever aware.
I know I was a surprise, since my mum had thought babies were easy to look after, until I came along.

I was told that they had longed for a baby for 5 years, before I put in an appearance.

Apart from not being a son, not clever enough for uni, and just a wife and mum, they were happy with me and my sisters. I think they were mildly disappointed. But they loved us all, provided well for us, and kept us safe. I'm sad I didn't go to uni. I married at 16, had my first daughter at 17 our last at 35 - there never seemed to be time.

I wonder what makes people spiteful parents to their own children?

I wonder that too JJ especially because I was subjected to years of it from my own mother. She was so horrible to me at times and I wondered why a mother would behave like that.

Sara1954

All I can say is, my mother was an enormous disappointment to me.
When I was in other peoples homes, I was really amazed at how other families interacted, wealthier families, poorer families, single parent families, they all made me envious.

Me too Sara.