Were you a disappointment to your parents ?

I am a disappointment to myself, so if my parents were disappointed in me I am not surprised.

Narc = narcissist

I've been told so many times that I nearly killed her while she was having me.
Out of five of us favourite children were 1 son and youngest daughter

Like many others on here I was a disappointment because I was not a boy. My mother thought me pretty useless and once remarked "What can you do to be worth that much?" when I proudly told her of a wage rise. Sadly my mother-in-law was pretty nasty as well, and once told me I could never be a proper mother because I couldn't have babies and my lovely son was adopted. It has taken me years to overcome the feelings of worthlessness.

I was a disappointment for not following their low church fundamentalist religion, but they were still very loving regardless of that, for which I respect them... long deceased though they are...

No, I don't think so. I was an only child and they loved me very much. They would have just wanted me to be happy. Sadly they both died suddenly and quite unexpectedly within a year of each other when I was in my mid-20s. I was married with two small children.
Luckily I am happy. I have had the same husband for 54 years . We love this part of our life and dread either one of us dying.
The children are both happily married and each have a son and a daughter. They have each married good, decent people.
So I hope my parents would be proud of me. With hindsight I could have done a lot more to make them proud but we learn and grow by sometimes making mistakes. I have learnt so much as I have grown older and I continue to learn. We are in a constant state of becoming and we are never the finished article. I am so proud of them.

I think so, though it is hard to tell as no-one ever talked about anything that mattered. My father was a bully, both emotionally and physically, I think life was a disappointment to him

My mother aged 92 still treats me to this day as if I am an mistake that needs correcting ! I’ve never been able to do anything right evidently. My “revenge” tho is having 3 extremely successful AC and 5 amazing GC who all adore me. Had a very successful career myself prior to retirement and I have life long friends who’ve always supported me and believed in me. So mum doesn't actually matter anymore and she knows this. I see her once a week out of duty and I say as little as possible so she has no ammunition left. I don’t understand why any mother can behave like the many stories on this thread, but the most important thing is to remember that it’s their issues and not ours.

Absolutely, we did not get on and she constantly let me know how I ruined her life by unexpectedly appearing on the scene and then to make matters worse, I had the audacity to be female. I got my own back by leaving home at 17, moving 250 miles away and getting married. That failed much to her joy at being able to say “told you so”, but she’s finally happy that I’ve succeeded in my life at achieving something. She likes to still throw in the occasional backhanded compliments such as “whatever mess you got into, you always sorted it out yourself” or the favourite “nothing you do shocks me anymore, I just have different levels of surprise”. She loves her granddaughter and grandson as they listen to her and do as they’re told. I keep telling her, “you made me independent, but then moaned when I became independent”. Ultimately, her being a crap mother made me strong and I’ve had 2 failed marriages and a string of bad relationships before finally finding the right one, but I’ve just got on with life and not given up. I’ve raised my children to be strong but supported them through any upheavals. They’re both on the property ladder, having got mortgages in their early 20s. I was determined that my children would always be able to come to me for help, just to show my Mother how it should be done!

What dreadful parents - especially mothers - some of you have had! I am so sorry for these ghastly experiences. My parents were both loving and proud and I'm just sorry they didn't live to meet their grandchildren. They did come to our wedding though and they knew about my first book being published. People who behave like those described above deserve to die alone, unloved and unvisited.

Yes, great disappointment. Didn't join Young Conservatives, or Young Farmers or marry the next door farmers son. Left home and got a job at 16 and went to evening classes to try and get some exams as the school for 'young ladies' I was sent to didn't do O Levels, let alone A Levels! Actually briefly married someone else at 22 to stop the parents nagging but divorced them and became an academic without having children. Finally had children in my 40s, which was also the 'wrong' thing and still haven't married the father 27 years later. I also shocked them by joining the Labour Party! I still think you can't live your life for your parents and must follow your own path.

I don't think I was a disappointment but, having struggled through the War years believing she was a widow and having been bombed out three times, she tried to encourage me to learn. Then after the War and my Father having been found, my adored sister arrived eleven years after me! Of course she was the apple of Mum's eye and could do no wrong. Even though I did well academically, in sports and in an excellent marriage it was never appreciated by her. Luckily my Father, having missed so much of my growing up, was very supportive.

I once told my mother how much I earned - a very substantial salary in a senior job. She said, 'Is that all?'. I never told her anything like that again. It was deliberately belittling.

Sorry to hear Sago and VioletSky that you had such awful experiences.

My mother, in her cups, when I was about 11, told me why and when she had manoeuvred conception of two of us - for her own purposes.

I have had a wonderful working life, held some lovely roles and had jobs I thoroughly enjoyed. ME and LC have cut it short but I regret nothing.

I was the apple of my dad's eye ... until my brother came along! Then, the son and heir that would carry on the family name became top dog and I was relegated to being the daughter whose sole job it was to get married, look after a house and produce grandchildren. I was loved, but never felt valued.

To my mother, nothing was ever good enough - she made me so obese at the age of 4 the doctors considered taking me into hospital. It continued - at 6 I was 6 stone. By 14 I tried to get my weight down, but she would grab my midriff and pinch it every time I saw her. Even as an adult when I hot an honours degree with OU she said ‘They’ say OU degrees are not as good as others…

My parents were so proud of what I achieved. I left school after failing my Maths higher. Passed all my other exams no problem. Got a job in a bank. Got married and had two beautiful children. Went back to work in a different bank after 7 years at home with my children. Worked my way up in bank. Through sales/ management etc.Workrd there for 25 years. Sadly my father died early and my Mum died 11 years ago. I believe they would still be proud of me. They didn’t always agree with my choices!

And another thing, when I met my OH she said “He might be after your house” Never the thought that I was attractive enough for someone who might like me for myself.

I was an only child, born after 10 years of marriage and multiple miscarriages. Always felt very loved and supported in all I did. I'm so sad for those of you who have had difficult upbringings.

I was always compared to my brothers who could do no wrong and told that I was the stupid one, even tho I went on to have a successful career with a family who I told every day that I loved them. I have little to no contact with my parents and brothers but Im happy and proud to have raised happy children and to see them with their children, I feel I have broken that cycle of abuse

i was the eldest and had 3 half sibling, i reminded her of my dad, i had to leave the house when i was 13 as my stepdad tried to abuse me, i was told at 18 i could not have childen...so in her eyes i was not a real woman, i fell pregnant at 22, total shock for me and my husband and she said i only did that because my sister had a baby a year earlier, i don't love her but need to end every phone call with love you, i never did any further education, i worked in shops all my life, i am a people person, but to her i have wasted my life, strange thing is i stopped loving her a long time ago.

Yes I think I probably was. I was the elder daughter, the plain and clever one. I went to college but got married and had a baby directly I graduated. What they expected of me I don’t know, but I always felt that whatever it was I had failed to give it.

It’s amazing how many mothers held up cousins or other people as examples of how much better than their own children they were.

When I was a young teenager my Dad once came back from my uncle's house and asked me why I didn't have a proper bust, like my cousin who was the same age as me ☹️

Yes my dad I wasn’t he totally adored me. Now my mother she always used to say to me if it wasn’t for you I’d never have had to get married to your dad. So between her and her mother I got it drummed if it wasn’t for you. Now my two bros golden boys well the difference in treatment. After death of my dad it got worse and I walked away that’s over 25yrs. My dads family were all there for me till they died. She’s never even tried with my kids but she dotted my brothers and funny my brother kid is gay no kids. I’ve got 5 grandkids that they will never have anything to do with. Yes I did try with her after my dad death and that was a shut door. Some ppl don’t deserve kids

I was….to my Dad not my Mum though. I was the apple of my Dad’s eye apparently until my sister was born 3 years later. He had big ambitions for her and wanted her to be a Doctor (she isn’t). He was only interested in promotion at work so I’d just get settled at school and we’d be off to a different part of the country! I was at a school for 3 years with a language lab (I was good at languages) and had set my sights on doing languages at Uni and becoming an Interpreter. Then we moved…..again! Needless to say it all went pear shaped as school wasn’t as good and I never did become an Interpreter. He always found fault with me. I was devastated when my Mum died in 2014 but couldn’t shed a tear when he passed away 2 years later. I’m still very bitter about the way he treated me but haven’t let it ruin who I am.