Were you a disappointment to your parents ?

i don't think so.
passed my 11+ and went to grammar school, left at 16 to go to college to learn shorthand and typing.
i married at 22 and had the first of my two children at 23 ... a daughter and my mum always preferred girls!
i did a degree, part-time, at 47 and i know my parents were very proud of me as nobody else in my family had done a degree!!
i might have disappointed them by leaving my husband around the same time but i think they thought that i would be better living on my own than be unhappily married.

Was told I was a Dissapointed t from the age of 3 was adopted and had a horrible life.was the oldest and told and expected that I was to be a mum and do everything cook clean and look after other siblings who were there’s as I was also reminded on a daily basis . No matter what I have achieved in life I’ve done this good or bad all on my own been the happiest I’ve ever been in the last 20 years. Still going strong

Yes.

My dad had a poor upbringing. Sent to Dr Barnardo's age 9 and then sent abroad to work. Returned to UK as a young man, married mum and became a lovely dad. We were never particularly demonstrative in our family. But we knew and felt we were loved.

Definitely. My mother doted on her sons. She didn’t like me and it was obvious. People commented on it. She made my life a misery, trying to force me to leave school early “you don’t need an education, you’re just going to be a housewife”. Etc etc. she was horrible.

Coco51

Same here
My parents demanded my future husband to sign a prenup "to protect the family assets", after all, if he didn't sign, it would show he didn't want me for me, right?

They even had a document drafted by a lawyer and expected my sister and groom to sign it.

Got so offended my sister stood up to them and said no.

Delirious of grandeur about the family assets, as if we are talking about a historical family with castles and trust funds.... smh

Yes, I have never been as religious as they would have liked.

My parents were very proud of myself and my 2 brothers . DM and D F both born before the war and left school at 14. They always had low paid jobs . DB1 passed the eleven plus , decided to go to a comprehensive school then did an engineering apprenticeship at Fords car factory . Worked there all his life on decent pay . DB2 passed his eleven plus , went to grammar school , did an engineering apprenticeship at Fords car factory . He then went on to do a degree in engineering and taught for the rest of his career.
I also passed the eleven plus and went to a grammar school which I hated cos I was totally out of my class and felt beneath all my classmates . Was hopeless in my exams . I ended in an office job at 18 . I married young and quickly had 3 children. In my mid thirties I did an entrance exam to get into nursing . Apparently this was an IQ test on which I scored 140 . No one was more amazed than me . I went on to train as a nurse and retired 10 years ago . My father especially was so proud of all of us . Both my parents were very clever they just didn’t get the opportunity that we did .

Thanks Floradora9 for such an interesting thread. My father had high expectations, was disappointed with each child, and was emotionally and physically abusive. Showing off was rude and belittling any achievements the norm. The fact that I was 5 months pregnant when I got married made me secretly smile as he was so mortified. Can relate to lots that has been said here. Glad the hear about the happier stories. After my childhood experiences I made sure I wasn’t going to repeat that and life has been much better.

Chewbacca
^I think the words I heard most frequently were
‘You’ll be made a ward of court’^

Sara1954, that bought back a memory! We were told we were wards of court after a particularly nasty divorce battle where my Dad snatched us in the middle of the night. It was explained to us that it meant that the court could take us into care at any time if our mother couldn't make us behave! It was only a couple of years ago, when I happened upon the divorce paperwork, that I realised it was all lies! Lies that terrified us.

I've always felt I was a disappointment to my mother as I left school with less than the required (by her) 5 O levels, I didn't get a distinction in my OND and even when I got a 2:1 in my degree it was in education. What is wrong with that? Her father's side of the family did not rate teachers because they thought people who couldn't "do" chose to teach! Even worse, I wouldn't work in their family business which meant I wouldn't inherit it.

I was a ragbag in the way I dressed (my sister could wear anything, Darling and get away with it), I was too fat and didn't have a waist whereas my sister had a lovely figure.

However, my sister who was always golden girl feels that she couldn't do enough either so I suspect we were played off against one another.

As for my biological father, he was disappointed in me because I reminded him of my mother. I gave him no reason to think so (I hope) but I wouldn't put up with his bullsh*t so the fact that I truly care about people, do what I say I will do, try to be kind and actively try not to be like my mother meant nothing to him.

Icanhandthemback
Thanks for the explanation, I never really knew what it meant, but secretly hoped it meant I might be put in a childrens home.

From the late Philip Larkin, he was head librarian at Hull University and a real character, he is still fondly remembered and has a statue in his memory at Paragon Station;

This Be The Verse
BY PHILIP LARKIN
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

Love this poem x

More like we’re my parents a disappointment to me ?

FarNorth

Narc = narcissist

Thanks for the explanation. I said it would mean to annoy where I come from.

Hate it. It might apply to him, but is not universal.

Sara1954

Icanhandthemback
Thanks for the explanation, I never really knew what it meant, but secretly hoped it meant I might be put in a childrens home.

Yes, I had my moments when I wondered whether it could be any worse but the stories of a children's home were pretty dire. I didn't realise that my Mum and her brother had spent time in one so it amazes me that she would scare us with this. It just seems so cruel.

Only when I got to my teens and I turned into a wild hippy child! My poor Mum and Dad ? I tried I made up for it as I got older but will always feel guilty ?

i was until I got my doctorate then on my next visit she was introducing me to all her posh pals because I was now Dr. She has always favoured my younger brother who is an academic and his children. My late father never made any difference between us or his grandchildren. My children have all gone on to do well in life and are happy people who get on with each other whereas my nephews have all had problems and can't stand each other. Maybe being a disappointment has its advantages.

I had a similar background to the fundamentalist family contributor. My father believed that my brother and I were so fortunate to have this background that they had already solved all problems for us at our conception and we required little further exceptional attention
Dad went off where-ever possible to preach or to record services which he would go and play to the housebound encouraging them to sing hymns with him
'Isn't your father lovely, said one girl from the church youth club he ran ' I don't know . I never see him. was my reply. Friends were always encouraged to visit and stay so that I might have the opportunity to take them to Sunday School..... mostly they preferred the cinema on a Sunday

Both my brother and I were loved but I was not liked as I fell so far from the requirement of what a daughter should be. Both of us were told by mum ' Isn't it a shame that you are the girl and he is the boy?. she told me to tone my conversation down as 'No men like clever girls'.
I loved everything acdemic, never failed an exam and wanted to study medicine. Funds had been laid aside for my brother to do this but were not available for me. I got to university by my own efforts but had to cut short the studying as mum was ill with cancer. I was needed at home
Brother wanted to be a pop star This was more than idle thinking as the group for which he was lead singer came second to a now well known household name in an international contest to win a recording contract
They bought an old van and there were already groupies following them. Then came the Sunday engagements. There was no compromise here. If my brother stayed under the family roof ( now aged 19 or 20) then he could not indulge in such activities on a Sunday said my father ( who supported him financially)
I've had a happy life notwithstanding that. Possibly the obstructions made it all far more interesting. I married a clever man and the children were successful academically too( 'How can such strange looking parents have such beautiful children') said a friend

I think my Dad loved me and was proud of me, as was my Mum until I reached an age when I had opinions of my own and, worse still, voiced them. Her favourite phrase was 'You're just like your father you are' not said as a compliment. She had no interest whatsoever in the things that mattered to me. She never went to school events (parents evenings, plays, sports days etc) to the extent that teachers stopped giving me the letters to take home. She barely read my reports. It became clear that she saw my future as being her companion and carer as she had been for her parents, she simply couldn't accept that I might want a life and family of my own. So when I met my husband and we became engaged her reaction was one of utter disbelief. Whatever was I thinking of!!! What was she supposed to do? What would happen to her now? In my usual forthright way I told her. That was when I was a huge disappointment to her. Despite all of that I did love my Mum but there was a lot I didn't like about her.

AreWeThereYet

When I was about 12 I was invited to a school friends birthday party. I didn't know anyone well as we had just moved there and told my mother I didn't want to go - expecting to be told 'Of course you do - you'll have a lovely time and make new friends'. What she actually said was 'Well don't go then, no one will notice you're not there'. It stayed with me all my life, leaving me feeling invisible.

I sometimes think as children our minds magnify comments that our parents make. Of course I don’t know how your mother sounded when when she made this comment but perhaps she didn’t want to push you into doing something you weren’t comfortable with. When I don’t feel like going to a social event I often tell myself that no one is going to miss me anyway.
For my part I remember my mother making a comment to my aunt when I was a teenager saying “isn’t she TALL ”… at that time it seemed to me that most other young ladies of my age were about 5’ 2 tall - like Brenda Lee and Twiggy who were popular at the time. After that comment I spent the next 10 years trying to look shorter by wearing flat shoes, walking in the gutter and hunching my shoulders ?. These days it’s more ‘fashionable’ to walk tall….. but her throw away comment stayed with me for years.
My son sometimes tells me about unkind comments I have made during his and his brothers childhoods - probably said when I’ve been under pressure from life itself - usually I can’t recall saying them but luckily we can both laugh about it now.
On the whole though I was lucky enough to have thoughtful loving parents.
I feel sad reading some of the comments on here though.

Icanhandthemback
Wanting to be in a childrens home sounds like a silly flippant comment, but several children in our school were at the local one, and when we went there it seemed like a very happy place to be
Sadly that can’t be said of all of them.

Sago

From the late Philip Larkin, he was head librarian at Hull University and a real character, he is still fondly remembered and has a statue in his memory at Paragon Station;

This Be The Verse
BY PHILIP LARKIN
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

I feel sorry for the people of Hull who are reminded by this man and his poem of what life can and be like.
Better to be known for William Wilberforce one of their own not an incomer and all he did for enslaved people.

I don’t know….. but they were certainly a disappointment to me!