Were you a disappointment to your parents ?

Sara1954

Icanhandthemback
Wanting to be in a childrens home sounds like a silly flippant comment, but several children in our school were at the local one, and when we went there it seemed like a very happy place to be
Sadly that can’t be said of all of them.

It's not a flippant comment at all when you are deeply unhappy at home. Fortunately, I only had to put up with my Homelife until the age of 7 because I went to boarding school so was away except for the holidays. A blessed relief!

Don't think l was a disappointment to my parents, but my dad was definitely a disappointment to me!!

Probably l was dyslexic, didn't get into the grammar school, so l think they wrote me off, packed me off to a dreary boarding school - out of sight out of mind perhaps ??

Yes.

henetha

Yes definitely. I was adopted and never lived up to expectations. I think I was a huge disappointment.

Me also Henetha.
The sun shone out of my brother’s backside (their natural son) and I always felt inadequate. But 40 years on my brother treated them very badly and my mother died after not having seen him for over ten years. The one thing I did better than him was to give them grandchildren. However I feel very bitter as there should have been be someone else helping me to look after our parents. I’m now trying to manage my 93 year old dad who lives 100 miles away and it’s no fun at all.

The last of 4 and never good enough as I wasn't male and neither were my sisters...However my younger sister was told they should have aborted here or put her up for adoption so while not loved they could have been worse to me.

Oh Yes, constantly. I was unwanted. My piano lessons were stopped (I love music). I was a pretty child that grew into an ugly adult. I had a boy, they wanted a girl, they didn't even like the names we chose. I was told why bother (3rd driving test, which I passed). They refused to come to my choir and opera performances. I could go on.....

My parents were shocked I didn't pass the 11 plus. Even though I did well at secondary school there was always the suggestion that I hadn't much competition there.

for some folk ,depending on the persons makeup,and continued levels of abuse,some fail to rise above the abuse,this often ends up with mental illness, addictions etc which can be lifelong,it is a moment of revelation ,which should be shouted from the rooftops,when you realise that your parents failed you miserably and they are indeed a great embarrassment to you.

Grew up hearing over and over how awful my birth was ( made me terrified when I found out I was pregnant) and how she couldn’t face having any more children. My father wanted a big family but she was having none of it, he seemed permanently irritated with me as an hormonal teenager despite growing up himself with 5 sisters!
My mother decided I was overweight at the age of 10 and if I was invited anywhere for tea she sent a packet of Limits biscuits that I had to eat whilst watching everyone else tuck into a cooked meal - needless to say I have struggled with my weight/self confidence all my life.

What was the matter with all these cruel, thoughtless mothers? Unhappy lives in the 1950s and 60s and beyond? Mine told me I was more trouble than I was worth. I was dumpy, fat and had my father’s eyes (bad) according to her. Then told me not to be so vain and work on my personality.

I think possibly a whole bunch of learned behaviour from their own parents and a lack of mental heath support for parents and safeguarding for children

Inishowen
Same here, didn’t occur to them I might fail.
It was made worse by the fact that my cousin, who they had always thought of as rather dim passed.

I was a disappointment to my mother from the word go. When I was born, my siblings were already adults and basically my mum and dad blew it by having me and she always treated me as if it was my fault that she had ruined the rest of her life! Added to that, if you are going to have a girl, have a pretty, feminine one. Not me. Or one who could pass the eleven plus. Not me. Or one who having left secretarial college, would get a job and contribute to the household income. I joined the Army, where I did very well (my father, at least, rejoiced at every promotion). The only thing my mother rejoiced in was the fact that I persuaded some poor chap to marry me, produced children and having done so, actually knew what to do with them!

My parents were shocked I didn't pass the 11 plus

My mother was shocked that I did. Her reaction was 'you needn't think you're better than everyone else because you're going to the grammar school' - she went to a grammar school herself, as did my aunt. I think she was intimidated because the building was old and huge and gorgeous and the uniform very distinctive. She spent days trying to convince my father that they couldn't afford the uniform. My dad was pleased, he had a great respect for education. He gave me a hug for doing well and insisted that I went.

Sago

I grew up hearing the words”I rue the day you were born” I was always a disappointment.
My brother the golden child could do no wrong.

I hear and feel your pain. My children know I'm so very proud of them and love them to bits.

My father a major disappointment to me, my mother tried.
Having to get married because of me and with his doubts about paternity, he moved between physical violence and constant insulting and belittling.
I became completely estranged from him but married a good man from a much higher class.
It’s amazing I ever found the confidence to become a classical singer and teacher, my upbringing certainly left me scarred and often catastrophising. Looking back, I sometimes wonder if counselling would have helped me through some of the difficulties I found myself in through insecurity. It’s rather late now and my adult life has brought so many joys.
I know the meaning of the word hate. I hated my father to his dying day and still do.

I was an extreme disappointment! I was not born a boy. To start with I was clever at school, but then I got Scarlett Fever. After I recovered I found I could not concentrate at school, and became a failure. It wasn't until I was in my early 30s I discovered my hearing was impaired by the Scarlett Fever. When my parents died, I was never good enough.

I had to follow my elder sister's footsteps. I could not ho to dan e lessons or piano 'cos she didn't like them. I actually have very good rhythm and wood loved dancing lessons. I wanted to ho to art school...was told ya not going there with all those hippies. I had to do shorthand and typing the same as my sister. Quite by accident I found a job with a graphic designer and trained as a paste up artist. I discovered in my late forties that I could sculpt. My tutor told me that I was a talented sculptor. I wonder what would have happened if my parents had let me follow my dream. I think I was a disappointment...my sister did so well.

My cousin wasn't allowed to go to college as her father said she only needed to work until she got a husband. Well that worked out fine, he turned out to be an alcoholic who eventually left her a young widow with 2 young children. She managed to get a half decent job until she went to Uni quite late in life. I am proud to say she is now a Dr. Her eldest brother wasn't allowed to do what he wanted as it was a girls job (a chef!), the second one has spent most of his working life on benefits due to severe mental health issues and the other one hasn't done much with his working life although he is lovely. I hope her Dad is proud of her now because he jolly well should be.

I was loved and felt safe and happy ,my parents had a really happy marriage I was the youngest of 3 and my mum always said I was the best of the 3.
It was a terrible shock when I got married and realised that my husband was nothing as considerate as my dad and just did what he wanted with no regard to my feelings .

Sago

I grew up hearing the words”I rue the day you were born” I was always a disappointment.
My brother the golden child could do no wrong.

Thinking back to your comment on my recent post, I wonder if this has affected you in any way...

I failed my 11 plus. I was never forgiven for that.

So many very distressing posts. I think I must have been exceptionally lucky to have had wonderful parents and a fantastic childhood. I may never have been bought the pony I wanted but mum and dad were kind and caring. They never, ever put me under pressure to change the choices I made even though they probably wondered why I managed a degree and several post grad qualifications when I know mum would have been delighted if I had been a hairdresser or left school at 16 and worked in the local bank. They were endlessly supportive of me and my family. We may not have had a lot of money but there was so much love. I never felt I was a disappointment to them and thank my lucky stars they were my parents. Just wish they were still here.

I cannot imagine why parents are spiteful to their own children.! I would like to know if anyone has any idea. I was made to feel small the naughty one snide remarks etc but kept well fed and clothed. I can still feel the bite of the tongue now ?