Were you a disappointment to your parents ?

I am very happy to say that no, I wasn't. The only thing my dad was disappointed about, was that I put a bit of weight on. Everyone in my family was always slim and toned. But I know he was (and so was mum) very proud of me and my achievements.

Chewbacca
I think the words I heard most frequently were
‘You’ll be made a ward of court’
I never really knew what it meant, and I still don’t.
But I always thought that if it meant being sent to a childrens home, then I was definitely up for it!

Oh what a dreadful thought OP
No, I know my parents were (probably disproportionately) proud of my academic achievements at school where I was embarrassingly top of my class every year , ultimately head girl. Of my getting into St Andrews and my degree.
I may have disappointed them by getting married and moving to London after graduation instead of coming back to our small town or perhaps teaching somewhere not too far away, like Edinburgh though.
With hindsight as a mother of grown up daughters and now a granny I can see that but I also know that Mum left her country and parents after WWII to marry and my Dad would have upped sticks and pursued his dream of a career in journalism like a shot if the demands of the family business had not held him back.
Some sad stories here - all credit to those who overcame those dreadful conditions and turned their lives around.

I grew up hearing the words ”I rue the day you were born

It was a jolt seeing those words again.

I never felt a disappointment to my parents. They were happy with what I and my sisters did, Education was important to my mother, in particular, and we all went to university

I married, but neither of my sisters did and my parents never showed any disappointment, whether they felt it, we will never know.

However, my parents were of that generation that believed that it was bad to praise children, so any success in life was greeted with satisfaction, but seemed to be just taken for granted, so while all three of us felt secure and loved unconditionally, it was only after my father died that my parent's friend's told us how inordinantly proud they were of us and everything we did and told their friends about our every success.

We both agreed (one sister died in her 40s) what a difference it would have made to us to, now and again, to have had some words of praise, delight or real pleasure from our parents, for them to have told us how proud they were of us. rather than for us to discover they were after their deaths.

BlueBalou
Sounds familiar

Blondiescot
My mother said the same to me re going to university then told me I should have been a doctor (I was a nurse but that wasn’t good enough), I should have married a doctor (!) etc.
I was compared unfavourably to her friend’s dd at every possible opportunity too.
Sickening isn’t it?

Yes, for the whole of my mother’s life (she died at 93), I never did a thing right and she never hesitated to remind me.
From‘nearly killing me when you were born’ to her last words being ‘You’re fat’.
Never was I told that I was loved by either of my parents. I recently discovered that my father had withheld inheritances left to me too, from my grandparents.
Needless to say I haven’t grieved for one minute since they died.

Not to my dad, but definitely to my mum. They had been married 12 years and told they'd never have children before I came along, so I think in that time, she'd built up an image in her head of this 'perfect child' that she might have had. I never lived up to that. Even when I did achieve something I thought worthy of her praise, she would find fault in it - I got the best exam results of anyone in my class, but that still wasn't good enough for her. She told me not to even think of applying to go to university because 'we can't afford it' - then years later loved to throw it back in my face that so-and-so's son or daughter was doing so well in life (doctor or lawyer etc), adding 'but of course, they went to university'. No matter what I did, I couldn't win with her. I was always too fat, not pretty enough....and so on.

All I can say is, my mother was an enormous disappointment to me.
When I was in other peoples homes, I was really amazed at how other families interacted, wealthier families, poorer families, single parent families, they all made me envious.

No not ever. If anything I think I surprised them, they didn't expect me to do or get where I did, never put pressure on and were very proud

Me too. I was no.2 of 3 girls. First one, the sex doesn’t matter, second one they hope for the other sex. Didn’t happen! Just another girl. I was labelled as the son they never had. Everything I did was a disappointment, even though 99% of the time I did as I was told, rather than do what I wanted.
All their lives, I wasn’t good enough.
The ONE thing I did right was to marry DH!

The one yes but I could have farted a rainbow with a pot of gold at the end and he'd have picked fault. I wonder what makes people spiteful parents to their own children?

Oh yes, right from the beginning, similar reasons to Cornergran.

On and off. Dad was always proud and supportive but Mum would make comments about all my brains and looks not making up for not being nice. The result was that I was always trying to please everybody. They were both very proud when I graduated but by then I had left home and things were a whole lot better between us.

Yes. I distanced myself from my family, because I found relationships with them hard. It made my mother very sad.

Oh, I was a great disappointment to my mother. When I was very young, she called me ‘abnormal’ to my face and to her friends because I was introverted and rather bookish. She planned on my going to university, but I married young instead. I was at her house one day with all of my impeccably behaved children (well, they were when we visited granny - on pain of death!), and she looked at them, sighed, and said ‘such a pity you never achieved anything.’

Not my Dad though, I should say. He has always been proud of me and never prouder when I finally stopped trying to have a good relationship with her

sago. Good for you for making a happy life.

Oh definitely but she actively sabotaged me and my education. During my exams I don't think I ever cried so much in my life she was awful to me.

She called me a failure in so many ways with a smug smile on her face.

I walked away from her several years ago and went back into education, now I finally have a job I love, I'm good at and I'm respected in.

So now I just fight her voice in my head

crazyH shelflife I came to rems with it years ago! My mother was a narc and my father and brother cowardly bullies.

I made a greater success of my life than any of them.

They are all dead now and thankfully I’m alive with 3 wonderful children, 2 beautiful grandchildren and a fantastic husband.

I agree crazyH, Sago I feel for you . That must really hurt!! Hope you have been able to ride above it.

Oh Sago - that’s awful ?

I’ve never felt I was a disappointment even tho I was hoped to be a David. The family would then have been girl, boy, girl, boy but then I appeared and foiled the plan. I was a bit of a tomboy so maybe that made up for it.
I remember both my parents as being very proud of all our very different achievements.
I felt a bit sad the other day when my son expressed a disappointment that his son wasn’t the active fearless boy he would have liked. (That he had been) I reminded him he had a kind, thoughtful intelligent boy and that was more important .

No, I felt safe and loved.