Spending weekend alone

M0nica

halfpint1 I posted a couple of messages based on the fact that the OP was talking about feeling lonely over a specific weekend. Unfortunately several people interpreted these in the context of people suffering from long term loneliness and saw them as insensitive, which in that specific context they were, but I posted to what the OP said. It can get confusing.

I am sure podcasts can be helpful to people for all sorts of reasons inll sorts of circumstances.

I think the discussions broadened out, as they often do, and its brought out really heartfelt issues, so positive.

However I think some of the remarks - not yours btw Monica

- just show that some people have the fortunate ability to weather storms and loss better than others, and they perhaps need to think their way is not "better" or even healthier but "different".

I fear I can be guilty of that Wyllow3 .
I think if I can cope, others ought to be able to.
Must try harder on empathy skills.
I think and hope we can develop coping strategies for when that awful feeling strikes.
One is knowing it won't last forever.
Another is acceptance so not striving for the unattainable.

I am happy to spend time alone but I understand completely how you feel. As a new wife many years ago we lived abroad. I was terribly lonely, despite having new friends at the time. If I were you I'd curl up with a good book or watch something you love on TV.

If you’re lonely at the weekend no amount of podcasts good books TV is going to help that. .

I live alone and am retired. So unless I go out I don’t get to speak to anyone. However , I have three tiny dogs and take them out every day and meet up with lots of people walking their dog in the park or on the beach.
You could foster a couple of rescue dogs to see if it suits you to be a dog owner
That’s how i ended up with three!!

oh gosh, I admit I have not read all the comments, but note some have been deleted due to lack of empathy??? whatever.

I admit I often feel lonely/alone, apparently some think there is a slight difference,,

I have found, that for me,, feeling alone/lonely is a feeling..
I find doing a jigsaw can help, ie. on the table as I walk in and out, do a bit, when I feel like it.. stops the mind!!!! the thoughts!!! and reading, but have to find a book that grips,, similarly some tv... I do not sit and watch tv a lot.. very recently went onto Netflix and started to watch Downton, seen it before, but it grabbed me...

I get out most days, go to local church, got some friends there, meet them sometimes,, and recently I have admitted in real life (LOL) that I am lonely...

that I feel alone..

I blame the pandemic, well the changes it has wrought!

yes, an old fashioned word.

hugs and love and good thoughts to all who feel lonely/alone!

Bluebelle, your reply is very invalidating. Gosh, Knittingnovice has shared a difficult emotion. Some empathy wouldn't go amiss.

I'm a widow and since my husband died nearly 7 years ago I live alone. There is always a degree of loneliness in my life and I miss him all the time.

Could you volunteer a couple of hours in a nursing home near you? Playing monopoly or crafts with seniors, on Saturdays, and recover on Sundays.

Lonely when alone just for the weekend. I am disabled housebound, live alone, 80 yrs old and have not left my flat in almost 3 years, apart from visits to the hospital when they collect me and return me home. once Covid lockdown started I did not have visitors either. now I see my daughter for couple hours once a week, my son when he can find the time. I have no friends left to visit, my sister lives other end of the country but we speak every day on Skype. I would not complain if I was only alone for the weekend.

Anyone can feel lonely whether or not they have friends. It is not a nice feeling and certainly nothing to be ashamed of. As an only child I have had a fair bit of loneliness so really feel for you Knitting. Sometimes it can be just fleeting,too. What I tend to do is get on the phone to someone, either family or a friend. I have a few friends that are more or less chronically lonely so it is always good to cheer them up whether or not I am feeling lonely myself. I have a husband, loads of kids, grandchildren and great grandchildren but sometimes I feel lonely as well.

Goodness Me ...there are some harsh replies to Your post ...absolutely nothing wrong with reaching out about how You are feeling ...noone knows your circumstances ....you could be a widow ..suffer with depression..do you feel that you need any counselling. Sending You a (((Hug)))

Join a meet up group. Having hobbies and being busy is different than being lonely. Meet up is so good have a look at it x

Gosh, some really harsh comments here.
I don’t write very often on here but some peoples comments say much about themselves. Sometimes people say things in that moment to reach out. I hope nobody has been put off to share their feelings. I know we all have to ‘get’ on with life but sometimes a sympathetic ear can make all the difference.

dragonfly46

I too was often alone when my DH worked away or went on business trips. I quite enjoyed it but the difference is that I knew that he would come back.
I think really being alone is when it is permanent and I can understand how KnittingNovice feels.
Unless you have truly been alone Monica you cannot appreciate what it is like.

When you say you thought OP was talking about being lonely at the weekend, not in general! M0nica you are taking things very literally.
If one has a full and happy existence but faces a couple of days on their own, that does not usually trigger a cri de coeur such as this thread. So it is not unreasonable to think there is more to it.
Dragonfly illustrates exactly what I mean.
I too was alone Monday -Friday when DH worked away and quite enjoyed my space. The permanence of loneliness is another thing.
OP may have written about “this weekend” but you cannot take this at face value alone ignoring the underlying unhappiness.

That is such a sad post, not helped by some of the really aggressive and unkind replies. It's not a competition to see who can be the loneliest! Surely, if you have experienced it yourself, even for a few days, you should feel more compassion for the OP's feelings and offer tips and advice on how you cope with it? And I don't mean, "you'll just have to get used to it"!

Those of you who have replied constructively have had good ideas and I have nothing to add - just sympathy for what was a horrible experience from the OP.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

I feel like that nearly all the time. I got made redundant a few years ago and I’m now 71. I only go out when I need to. I have a friend who comes round twice a week in the afternoon and stays until about 10 o’clock at night, but apart from that I rarely do anything else. Yes I am lonely and depressed and have been for a long time. I’ve put my house on the market and I’m hoping to move near my daughter in Berkshire. I am in Essex. I don’t have a car, so I have to use public transport and it takes three hours and three trains to get to my daughter.

I am on my own 24/7 Last person I spoke to was on Thursday when I volunteered at a vaccination centre. Next person I speak to will be Thursday at the vaccination centre.... I wonder how you will cope when you retire....it is not just weekends alone then...

I went to boarding school and, although often surrounded by others, I found myself so lonely so much of the time. When I left and went home to my parents, I still felt the same way, especially at weekends. I haven't felt that way since I met my husband about 30 years ago but do worry about what will happen if anything happens to him. I haven't anything to offer you apart from consolation.

I do understand, I dread that I may have to live alone one day. I have lots of hobbies and friends but not the same as someone who cares for you at home, and who you can rely on and be special to. My friends and I are considering moving to a retirement village together so we can support each other. I think feeling useful and having a purpose might help, so that your life is making a difference. Church, being a school governor, volunteering, all help to make friends and feel that your life isn't just passing by. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

I do sympathise with anyone who is lonely. I am 66, divorced, live alone and although I am lucky in that my three children and four grandchildren (my eldest girl’s) live nearby, I am often alone and rather lonely for several days at a time, as they all have such busy lives. I fill the space with volunteering through my small, but active, church, meeting for coffee with people from a ladies social circle I joined, looking after my younger unmarried daughter’s dog when she is busy, reading (passionate about history, esp for some reason, Russian, so times are ‘interesting, if dreadful, atm), sewing and watching TV (mainly documentaries/history/wildlife). I like to cook and bake for my family as well as the church. I move rooms round a bit although decorating fully is a chore! I also enjoy shopping, although I look rather than shop these days! Incidentally, charity shops are a great place to go as as well as finding the odd bargain,I have got to know many of the workers there and often have lovely chats with them. I donate too so it’s a win win situation! I think I’m quite boring with odd interests (more than I can list here!) so I do not expect to necessarily find a kindred spirit in the people with whom I share my limited social life (even my children think I’m a bit odd!). It is enough, and has to be, to have contact with others and feel a little useful, apart from my family and the frequent babysitting duties I have! I tell myself, ‘I have to be enough for myself’ and act accordingly. I am thinking of taking up needle felting next year; it seems amusing with lots of scope for quirkiness which could be translated into little gifts! I will continue my Russian lessons, despite me feeling rather negative about them right now. I will carry on just trying to give meaning to each day by doing small things. And any opportunities for interesting or fun times will be seized gratefully! These are just a few ideas that I make work for me but I realise how difficult it is, as one gets older, to continue to feel the same level of enthusiasm about life as one did when younger.

I too feel lonely now most of the time. When I'm at work or with family I'm okay, but as soon as I return to my house the loneliness creeps back. I've recently joined a choir and often do a walking group, but just hate living alone now at age 67.
I'm on a dating site and live with the hope of meeting someone, but with each year that goes by that is looking more unlikely. And there is a real stigma to admitting to being lonely, it's very taboo. I know, I've tried mentioning it in work and to my family.

I’ve not read all the comments here but some I’ve seen are quite harsh. Knitting novice opened up to feeling lonely at that time. It doesn’t matter that she is busy the rest of the time. Let’s be more kind to each other. It’s very hard to admit you’re lonely. Negative comments can tip someone over the edge.
I really hope you are feeling better.

Thank you for telling us your feelings and being so honest .Some people are true loners and don't really need others. Some need folk around them all the time while others are in between .But most need a few mutually supportive people in their lives.
I have many people in my life but still sometimes feel very alone .My way round it us to make a plan at the beginning of each week of things to do that you need to like housework,then some hobbies and then something you could do for someone else such as buying a neighbour a lovely bunch of flowers if you think they would like that or ringing someone to ask how they are Reaching out a bit to others can be of benefit to you .Everyone wants someone to listen to them .Helping at a food bank can be so rewarding. Try and get some variety in your life .
I find belonging to the Women's Institute and to groups in local Churches wonderful places for mutual support. All the best