Spending weekend alone

I've always wanted to live near a sort of idealised cafe/bar where you could be a "regular" and time any day. Perhaps that only happens on TV though...

No , Wyllow that’s what we have below us in this development that we bought into 12 years ago, Town centre living. Walk out across the communal decking outside from my front door, in the lift 2 floors down and I’m I’m a ‘Loungers Bar’. Google. Very popular and I’m happy to be in there on my own or with company. Sometimes just a coffee and my Kindle, other times a glass of Sauvignon Blanc and my iPad. I did my homework for ‘older age’. I didn’t want an over 55’s set up, I like the ‘mix’ of young and old.

I appreciate it wouldn’t suit everyone - no garden, no space for crafts etc - but I’m more than happy to sacrifice space for location.

I'd want a garden just not tended by me.

Not sure about the age thing tho Urmston, I think it then depends on the quality of flats, sound proofing, where you are in the block, I had in mind an over 55's set up.

I've lived in the past in bad sound flats doors slamming all hours loud music you see.

I'd settle for a cafe/bar just nearby with the all ages fun.

Tbh our eldest daughter had the same reservations about our purchase of a new build. Sound proofing is fantastic! High spec. She was most impressed. Insulation brilliant - no heating on here yet & we are still under a summer duvet.
?
I think you just need to do your homework well.
I treated our downsizing as a ‘project’. Viewed loads!

Everyone has a different experience of and threshold for being alone or lonely. It is very personal thing and some of the comments here are not helpful, kind or supportive.

If someone says they are lonely they are and its not their fault, they are not being lazy by not getting out enough etc. Joining clubs and other activities doesn't just magic it away. And in some cases can even exacerbate it.

You can be lonely in a crowd. I have felt desperately lonely at times in my life and if someone had gaslighted me or told me I 'shouldn't' feel like that it would have made me feel even worse.

I have discovered that I just need to feel any feeling that is coming up and it will ease eventually. Also sharing it with a trusted friend helps.

'Nothing lasts for ever' and 'This too shall pass' are phrases that give comfort in difficult moments.

So to anyone who is feeling lonely I say, I hear you and I know its a really horrible and difficult feeling.

How are you feeling today knittingnovice?
Monday in the morning.
You’re nearly there.
?

Thank you urmstongran and everybody who has posted. Its really touched me you asking how I am, you've brought tears to me eyes, but in the nice way.
I'm tired, but feel better than yesterday. Thank you fro asking

Nothing lasts for ever' and 'This too shall pass' are phrases that give comfort in difficult moments

Normally I would agree with this, but when you are widowed, it IS for ever and it does not pass.
Coming to terms with this is hard.
In the early weeks and months of loss, the shock can numb you to the longer term pain, but then one day you wake up and realise “Yes, this is it - for the rest of my life”
It’s not an easy realisation. Katherine Whitehorn (I think) compared it with “being an unwelcome refugee in a foreign land”.

Sorry “an unwilling refugee”

I've spent most of my adult life never being alone but often
craving it. Then came Covid and confinement (the french word for lockdown) I was alone for weeks on end and enjoyed
it untill I didn't and one day cracked and wept buckets.
However I have learnt from that and I can sympathise with any one feeling alone, it sucks.

Would like to add that someone on here suggested I try Podcasts which I hadn't bothered with before and they became
my lifeline and I am now a devotee of them!

Oh halfpint that’s wonderful that someone’s suggestion has really worked for you.

And knittingnovice you’re welcome.
Tears can be cathartic and a release in a good way. They calm you.
Sleep tight.
x

IN the O/P is written..

"I feel a bit better writing that but I also feel shame and would never say in real life.

Its the shame that is so sad. so many people feel this or versions of it - as we have seen here - but we are in a society that judges this honesty - unfortunately illustrated by some comments on this thread.

It is normal at some times in our lives to feel profound loneliness. Yes, normal. Yes, if it gets out of hand seek help, but if we accept it as normal, with a culture of both being able to bear it for period some times, and seek out other people at other times, and people not being frightened or scornful to hear it...then we are on the way to accepting our shared humanity.

someone whom i knew was bereaved, in her 60s.
she had spent most of her previous non-work time assisting the ill person, or just sitting with them.
she had no time to herself or for herself.
and then she did. and couldn't bear the lack of task.
so she took to getting on any bus, and random;y getting off and seeing where she could get coffee.
some places there wasn't much available, restaurants that had just closed or expected one to buy a full meal.
she just went in anywhere and asked if they served coffee. some refused.
she came to view it as a kind of research exercise.
some fancy restaurants that were closing were v attentive, maybe wondering if she was doing some kind of undercover review or inspection.
she would later mention their service or lack when passing.
i admired her pluck, and creativity.

There are some good suggestions upthread for making social contacts. However you should not feel "ashamed" at being lonely. Humans are, on the whole, social animals and often long for company. It is those of s who are self sufficient and greatly enjoy being alone that are often made to feel that we are weird and selfish.

It is normal to want to be part of a family, a group, a clan, a tribe.
We all seek company.
Ijust think of Robinson Crusoe and the poor old hermit Alexander Selkirk, gone completely mad without human company for 20 years.
I listen to Desert Island discs and ponder what life on my own would be like and shudder.
I miss DH every day but I am coming to realise that this is it and he isn't coming back.
I no longer have my pal, my quiet supporter.
AC do not replace that special companionship.
However I must not wallow.
I had a lovely day today.
I am very glad that you are feeling happier too Knittingnovice

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I completely agree. Living in a town where I have zero friends as I moved up here to be with my elderly Mom. She has passed away. I have gone to several churches and the people are friendly but they are all well established with their groups of friends. It is extremely lonely. I read and keep the tv on.

halfpint1

Would like to add that someone on here suggested I try Podcasts which I hadn't bothered with before and they became
my lifeline and I am now a devotee of them!

Me too. I discovered Louis Theroux’s podcasts during lockdown and then went on to find many more. I often re listen to You’re Dead to Me and In Our Time ( although not sure if they count as podcasts). Have you got any recommendations? I always go to sleep listening to podcasts etc.

I thought the thread was about feeling lonely over a weekend, not feeling or being lonely more generally.

My DH recently went in a care home and I am finding it very difficult. Yes, I have everything to deal with and to visit him, but do not have any reliable support if needed.

I live in a village which is very cliquey and boy have I found out who my friends are or rather not! I deliberately do not mention my DHs situation and have tried to be friendly, but nothing comes of it.

My phone never rings, I feel very lonely, especially in the evenings and at weekends. I find it hard to concentrate on anything and feel like my life is slipping away.

Thank God for Sunday night telly which is normally pretty good.

Funny, when I think of all those years I hated Monday mornings. ?

I agree Grammaretto as much as we love & care for them AC can’t replace the love & companionship we had with our DH’s nor can friends….old or new, even those in the same boat but they can be a great support and we can help each other through the tough times.

Whatever the reason for being on your own and feeling lonely Knittingnovice it will help to try & keep busy and if you are able to get out and about there are lots of great things to join, try to accept any invitations to join a new group. That said, it can also be good to have the occasional quiet day to yourself so as not feel overwhelmed.

We can all feel lonely & vulnerable, even in a room full of people and also when walking back into an empty house after a nice day or evening out, especially as the dark nights set in. It’s quite understandable that you are feeling like this. I do agree with halfpint1 about podcasts and also watching inspirational people on You Tube, both well worth a try. I hope things pick up for you and that you are feeling a bit better as Monday approaches

I hope you are over your lonely weekend knitting noviceand feeling brighter

For me, now what? What shall I do today, so that I see a face. Same old, same old. I see Maw`s photo, that is my home. All the chairs are empty except the one I am sitting in. It will be this for the rest of my life, not just a weekend

M0nica

I thought the thread was about feeling lonely over a weekend, not feeling or being lonely more generally.

Actually Monica listening to Podcasts can not only help loneliness but its cheaper , electricty wise, to have the computer on than the T.V. essential in the present climate
and maybe my loneliness was on a weekend.

halfpint1 I posted a couple of messages based on the fact that the OP was talking about feeling lonely over a specific weekend. Unfortunately several people interpreted these in the context of people suffering from long term loneliness and saw them as insensitive, which in that specific context they were, but I posted to what the OP said. It can get confusing.

I am sure podcasts can be helpful to people for all sorts of reasons inll sorts of circumstances.