Dealing with "casual callers"

In our culture it is generally considered rude to just tell guests it's time to go. Giving them a cue is the preferred method, or having to go out to an appointment or whatever. Both sides understand how that transaction works. If someone needs you to be more direct then that's what it is, but it's not the first go to.

I have certain friends/ acquaintances who I arrange to meet outside in restaurants because of this very reason. They just don’t leave and I hate being rude. What is it with these ones, don’t they like their own homes ?

I love casual callers.

I’m happy either way, prefer a phone call beforehand, but sometimes there isn’t time etc. I’d never in a million years tell a guest it’s time to go, mind you I’ve never been in that position, simply can’t imagine it. Doesn’t seem to be a problem with our visitors, perhaps we’re lucky. Comes down to good manners doesn’t it…when to come and when to leave?

Haven’t had any for years none of my friends or acquaintances live near me so there’s no one to pop in
I miss it. When I used to live in Service quarters we all popped into each others then when I lived on a council estate it was much the same but not since living here and getting older so for the last x number of years there’s been no one nearby to pop in I don’t think I d like it now

Being a bit of a lover of my own time and projects, I usually ignore the phone or bell if I can't be bothered. Seems to have got worse as I've gotten older. When questioned I say I was in the bathroom or garden which you can't access from the front of my house.

I don't open the door for "casual callers" they'll never know. I find it rude, as if my time and projects have no value?

Be careful with casual callers ! Had a phone call on mobile , decided wasn't going to answer the door ... hey presto same person phoned on house phone ! I answered ... say no more ... serves me right !

Since Covid we havn’t really got back into the guest routine, if its past 11pm and they are lingering then I bring the talk to early rising and a busy day tomorrow, our bed time.

My late mum was very good at telling people when it was time to go. She would simply tell them (and us!) that we had had long enough! Not rude, just honest and it was her house after all.

I love it if a friend just 'drops in'. It's a rare occurrence though. But recently a friend rang the door bell. We chatted at the door for a while, but I sensed she wanted to come in. I was, as it happened, in the middle of a clearing session. Furniture moved away from walls etc. But we sat down and enjoyed a chat all the same. Another friend who I had invited for coffee turned up a day early by mistake. It didn't bother me in the slightest. We had coffee and chatted for a couple of hours. My friends mean so much to me.

kittylester

I love casual callers.

Hear, hear
We have had a thread this weekend about feeling lonely and it is clearly an issue which affects a lot of people.
If people can’t drop in - they won’t.
You can’t have it both ways.
My grandparents were not of the class who made “formal calls”. They had a business and a shop on the High Street and as a child I have a vivid memory of my grandfather standing in the doorway of their house which was beside the shop, chatting to all and sundry and putting the world to rights. Granny would in the shop -again a place for a chat as well as buying or selling.
I don’t think they had a lonely moment in their lives!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

My mum used to ask any visitors, both casual and planned, “How long can you stay? “ It showed they were welcome, yet established some boundaries at the outset.
If their answer was open- ended, she would say “Well I have to go out at x o’clock, but you are welcome to stay till then.”

I thought I was having a funny moment when I saw the heading, as in, I’ve seen this before.
But no, I’m ok. The OP posted the same question in March this year.

Some of you seem to have a lot of friends /local family!

People dropping in is a distant memory from being a young mother.now I meet friends in a cafe, for a walk etc.

Also I’m going to say it… some if you seem very uptight about it all and a bit ungrateful!

Open house here ? no matter what we’re doing. At the moment we are lining the outside walls of our bungalow. Radiators to be removed, shelves taken down etc, but we still stop for callers and offer tea/coffee.

Everyone is always welcome. There are so many people who are lonely or just in need of a chat so I will always do my bit to help and there is always someone I can drop into if I need a chat. Rather than having make an appointment for some day in the future.

Biglouis - your post made me smile. Your grandmothers and mine came from very different places in society!
The neighbourliness and co-operation that characterised the working class women of that generation is something that I valued.
Personally, these days I don't feel strongly either way. To each their own, but I'm always happy to see folk.

I’m with kitty Aldom Maw and Meryl. I love casual visitors and if they want to stay late I feel they are enjoying themselves and are comfortable (one actually went to sleep on the sofa last week ) This social interaction is to me what life is all about.I love being interrupted especially if housework is on the agenda!

Some people are designed to be gregarious, others to be hermits.

I would have thought that anyone you know would have got the message by now, biglouis
?

MerylStreep

I thought I was having a funny moment when I saw the heading, as in, I’ve seen this before.
But no, I’m ok. The OP posted the same question in March this year.

And were the responses the same?

I enjoy having casual visitors, especially if they bring cake.

But I always phone ahead, we live quite a way from our (very few) friends and I wouldn’t drive for miles only to find they are out, and we always take cake or something savoury.

I have a very explict message on my front door to the effect that I do not engage in political or religious chat, give to collections or buy from salespeople. It specifically says "No callers without appointment".

Yet there there are people who seem to think it does not apply to them. They get ignored or a very harsh dismissal.