Dealing with "casual callers"

It's never occurred to me that our visitors think their time and convenience is more important than ours. I've always just thought it was nice that they bothered to come and see us. But then we rarely get visited by people we don't like.

I was asked once by a so called friend to go to a music concert as her 1st choice had rained off ( she didn't ask me to go originally and this was first I'd heard!) As she didn't want to go alone. I said I was off to mother's for teacso couldn't. Skip forward two hours, phone rang , I answered( oops!) Silence and " click" said who it was.... checking up on me! I didn't feel that bad though as she'd been mean with me in first place!!

When I was first married our house was open to callers 24/7. So long as they didn't mind the clutter and mess we usually lived in with 3 kids and 2 dogs, they were welcome. I liked it that way in stark contrast to my mother's way of hiding from casual visitors or expecting at least 2 weeks notice of a visit! She thought our friends calling on us when they were passing was dreadful.

But fast forward 20 years to when I turned a hobby into a business working from home, and it began to irritate me that visitors (however friendly we were) expected me to stop working and sit and talk to them. To them it was still my 'hobby', never mind that I had jobs to complete and deadlines to meet. I usually just carried on working as they watched and talked. Sometimes they just got bored (or felt in the way) and left. I began to ignore the phone and not answer the door.

Now that I'm retired and my time is entirely my own I just ignore casual callers and the phone if I can't be bothered with them. Perhaps I'm turning into my mother, heaven forbid! We rarely see our neighbours, perhaps 2 or 3 times a year! We have acquaintances locally but don't know them well enough for them to call on us. Our longstanding friends and our children live too far away to just drop in. I think the lockdowns also showed us that we actually prefer, and are content with, our own company and a degree of isolation.

We only ever had one caller who refused to leave - an insulation salesman whose 1 hour appointment turned into four! We had listened to all his patter and demonstrations, but after several cups of tea and numerous strong hints I asked if he would be staying for dinner and had he brought his pyjamas? He then got very stroppy and accused us of wasting his time. DH let the dogs in from the garden (it was raining and they weren't happy) and he left in a hurry.

I was pleased to open the door to an ex neighbour and her daughter who I’d not seen for three years.

Come in says I, I’ll pop the kettle on.

Returning to the sitting room she was sitting with an open bible on her lap.

My old friend hadn’t come to visit me, since we’d last been in touch she had become a Jehovah’s Witness and had come to “save” me!!!

It's reasonable to ask "do you want visitors?"

Unless you keep a receptionist it's not fair for people to drop in unless they have by prior arrangement you have a droppinable relationship.

But fast forward 20 years to when I turned a hobby into a business working from home, and it began to irritate me that visitors (however friendly we were) expected me to stop working and sit and talk to them. To them it was still my 'hobby', never mind that I had jobs to complete and deadlines to meet. I usually just carried on working as they watched and talked. Sometimes they just got bored (or felt in the way) and left. I began to ignore the phone and not answer the door

Yes this is exactly how I feel. Casual callers are stealing my time when I could be working on my business.

I find it hard to cope with people who want to drop in without warning. And nowadays when most women are at work, this might be at weekends, when a lot of things must be juggled. The idea of popping round to a neighbour surely dates from the time women were at home doing things there which could be easily interrupted. No TV, no computers either. The ritual for getting lingerers out in the evening is common to Scots and Ulster people. Plates of cheese and crackers accompanied by a tea tray is a clear indication that it is time to go home. Probably no drink was taken in these homes so " one for the road" did not arise

I always enjoy a casual caller, but if I do have some other plan, I will let them know. Only close relatives and friends drop by. Most will send a quick text or call to let us know.

The same if I want to drop by someone's house, even my kids. I will send a quick text to see if they are available first.

I once asked my grandmother about the two hour rule. She said it was important not to outstay your welcome so that people would be glad to see you next time you called.

Regardless of who it was (even her own relatives) after two hours she had said what she wanted to say and heard what she wanted to hear. She felt it was better to be honest and open and tell them it was time to go, rather than indulge in some kind of social pantomime with PA hints being dropped.

In some ways it was like having an audience with the queen. Like many women of her class she had a certain manner of "dismissing" people by her look and attitude if she considered they had overstepped the boundaries.

To be truthful my grandmother did not really care what anyone thought off her. I know that I take after her in many ways.

I'd rather have a bit of notice as our house is an utter tip atm (a mix of untidy family, ongoing work on our house, and piles of stuff being accumulated for son's pending move), but if any friends do drop in, hey-ho excuse the mess and would you like a cup of tea.
However, cold callers are extremely unwelcome. I know they are trying to make a living and I've no issue with those who accept a polite 'no thank you' and leave straight away, but those who refuse to accept the rejection and carry on with their spiel are a right royal pain. I think the worst was a young man from the Jehovahs Witnesses, who refused to go away and asserted that he had every right to stand in our front garden and talk at us! We just shut the door and left him to it out there.

I’ve just remembered having to go round to the WI Treasurer’s house to countersign a cheque. She kept me on the doorstep and I had to use the window sill as a hard surface. What’s that all about?

A couple of my old friends occasionally call around. It’s usually to return empty jars so I can make more pickle I welcome them I treasure their friendship. If it’s early on they have tea or coffee if it’s later on it’s wine. My brother turns up now and again if he is working in the area bacon butty homemade cake and a mug tea for him.
I have a sign up no salespersons religious groups or tree surgeons required here so don’t knock. That just about covers it we don’t usually get cold callers.