Mothers at home matter

Blondiescot

I - perhaps naively - thought we had got past the time when we had to justify ourselves as mothers, whether that was a conscious decision to be a stay-at-home mum or a 'working' mum (and yes, I know all mums work!).
I chose to return to work full time when both of my children were three months old, and I don't regret that one bit. My children were better off with a mother who was happy doing a job she loved than stuck at home frustrated, miserable and getting irritated with them. Why can't we just lift each other up and support all mums, however they choose to make things work for them?

Well said Blondiescot I fully endorse what you say.
We should be backing each other in whatever we choose to do.
Some women have had to and still do work to support a husband in furthering his career or with balancing the family books. My husband didn't work until his mid 20's because of further education he had a lot of catching up to do with the men who had worked from 16. My Delia Smiths frugal food book fell to pieces with use.

Sago

Esspee

I was a full time mum because I didn’t bring children into the world to farm them out to others to mould their personalities.

Had it been a financial imperative that I worked I would not have had children.

Wow!

I am astonished, at such an unpleasant judgemental post.

You were very fortunate to stay at home with your children and “mould” their personalities.

I had to “farm mine out” .

Wow, that was indeed quite a nasty post.

What about dads? Don't they have a role to play too. And then we wonder why there is such a huge financial gap and still a massive glass ceiling out there.

I stayed at home until both were at primary school. I was handicapped because of a terrible accident, and OH worked VERY long and irregular hours. So there was no choice, However, I childminded for a local university lecturer, who had a toddler same age as mine. Then went on to Uni for 4 years full time, and on to teach full time.

I am glad I was able to spend for few years with them until I went to school, but they did not need me to stay at home until they went to Uni! They did not need me to clean up after them all the time ... they learnt to help, be responsible, and so much more. They often mention how it really helped them later. My mother also always worked since I was at primary school- and her having a busy professional life was a real + for myself and my brothers. I shall always be grateful.

After 8 years at hoe as a ftm- I was ready to do more, have a busy, interesting, professional life, interaction with colleagues, etc. I have NO regrets and find this thread so judgemental and Victorian. You can be a great mother, and not be at their beck and call 24/7!

Still the little put downs I was never ‘bored stiff’, because I have an interests.^active mind, imagination and many interests

I to have an active mind, imagination and many interests., they just weren't domestic. they were academic and I was fortunate enough to also have an interesting and varied professional life. And as I said, I thrived on the tension that juggling everything caused.
'
After I returned to work, my sister commented that the 'old M0nica' had returned and she saw this as something to be glad of.

Parents do a great job in general.

If Mum wants to stay home, well done to her, the same if it’s Dad that stays home. They should be able to transfer their tax allowance to the working parent.

Most of all I believe in choice and being able to do what is right for your family, we are all different with different needs and different circumstances.

That’s such a lovely sentiment grandma 70. Really lovely to read and know that your children grew up with s living parent

Gosh NORAH Who do you think did all those things for us working mothers? On top of our jobs and hobbies etc .
I started a business with my OH just months after we married ...I was 21 he was 20 .When our daughter was born I took her to work with me at 8 DAYS old.
My OH worked much longer hours so all household things were my job too as were the books..hated doing VAT usually at midnight the day before it was due
.I cant understand why any woman would see her husband who she says she loves doing 2 or 3 jobs while she either swans around playing "mummy" or sits on her bum .Not how to teach your children about equality is it!!
My 2 children are fantastic adults ,great parents and we are all very close ... As are our GC who I went part time to let their mothers go back to work ..but part time still meant books and ad campaigns and a lot more.
Woman are more than mothers ,children aren't hard work ...not as far as I',m concerned .They were a joy and a delight ...bt not my whole life .

We need more child friendly jobs.

If parents want to keep their careers they shouldn't be frowned on

If women want to stay home they should be able to

Same for men.

Or some sort of shared setup where neither has to work so many hours they can't have time together

Raising the next generation matters

VioletSky

We need more child friendly jobs.

If parents want to keep their careers they shouldn't be frowned on

If women want to stay home they should be able to

Same for men.

Or some sort of shared setup where neither has to work so many hours they can't have time together

Raising the next generation matters

We have a kitchen/dining/sitting room in our offices/ warehouse.

During school holidays/after school it’s not unusual to have employees children there. Doing homework or playing computer games, absolutely no problem.

You sound like a fantastic employer GrannyGravy.

Esspee

I was a full time mum because I didn’t bring children into the world to farm them out to others to mould their personalities.

Had it been a financial imperative that I worked I would not have had children.

You have got to be the most judgemental ( and irritating) poster on GN that i have come across....always got some to say....very rarely anything pleasant ?.... I would never have afforded children if I hadn't worked....I had 3 ....worked a combination of full and part time ...worked my way up in my job...took my nhs pension at 55 ....no regrets ....now enjoying my Grandchildren at 57 .....my children were looked after by a combination of family and nursery.... neither of which ' moulded their personalities' ?

M0nica truly you are a god amongst women!

grannygravy that's so great.

I'm lucky working in a school, I can work around mine and in an emergency I can have my older children come in with me

paddyann54

Gosh NORAH Who do you think did all those things for us working mothers? On top of our jobs and hobbies etc .
I started a business with my OH just months after we married ...I was 21 he was 20 .When our daughter was born I took her to work with me at 8 DAYS old.
My OH worked much longer hours so all household things were my job too as were the books..hated doing VAT usually at midnight the day before it was due
.I cant understand why any woman would see her husband who she says she loves doing 2 or 3 jobs while she either swans around playing "mummy" or sits on her bum .Not how to teach your children about equality is it!!
My 2 children are fantastic adults ,great parents and we are all very close ... As are our GC who I went part time to let their mothers go back to work ..but part time still meant books and ad campaigns and a lot more.
Woman are more than mothers ,children aren't hard work ...not as far as I',m concerned .They were a joy and a delight ...bt not my whole life .

I was answering Franbern: Do wonder what the stay-at-home Mums, so lauded in this article, actually do when the children are at school.

I don't believe I said others didn't do the things I did, I said what I did whilst the children were with me or in school.

I also never said I "swan" around, nor have I read anyone else say that she "plays mummy and sits on her bum".

You did what you did, fine by me. I have my list of what I did too.

I answered a question to the best of my recollection. Though I'm still not sure why it's unacceptable to sahm.

Had it been a financial imperative that I worked I would not have had children.

I'm still trying to come to terms with this.

Basically it is saying that if you don't have enough money to stay at home with your children, you shouldn't have any. Which implies that only the wealthy should have the privilege of raising a family!

There's a nursery on the other side of my garden wall - having watched the children at play during break-times during the summer - running around together - laughing, happy, squealing with delight, hugging each other, inventing little games, etc... I'd say that 'farming' them out is quite a positive experience!

sounds like a kind of eugenicist position; only the affluent should breed, to build up the right kind of stock.
these views used to be respectable over a century ago, less so now.
in mos circles.

growstuff

You sound like a fantastic employer GrannyGravy.

I can be a grumpy old bag some days.

We moved premises when our youngest was 4 months old, DH was picking up the next two age wise from school and they stayed at work till he was ready to leave, which is how the mess room came about.

It was a no brainer to keep it as our children grew up and our employees needed childcare at the last minute.

We cannot have toddlers for H & S reasons, but as long as they can play independently (usually on computers) it’s fine.

This debate about happy, wonderful sahm v selfish working mothers always follows the same tedious path. Someone will say if they couldn’t afford to live on their husbands salary, they’d never have had children. Then, someone would post all the domestic/child related stuff they did as a sahm. A working mum responds with, I did all that as well as working full time. At this point, I long to quote Ginger, who died all thst Gred Astaire did, but in high heels whilst dancing backwards

I was a sahm in the 70’s a full time working mum in the 80’s onwards. I learned the hard way what it’s like when you marriage breaks down and yiu have no paid employment. I determined never again to be in that situation, ie financially dependent, with no pension pot building.

I’m all for choice. I do find the smug/judgemental attitudes of some sahm mums hard to take

We are all different! And that has to be respected. I do believe I was a good mother, still am. But I was not a great housewife, and coffee mornings just did not 'do it' for me. After 8 years at home, I needed to go forwards, widen my horizon- and I truly believe my children benefited from this hugely.

It is all about balance really and the government providing support to parents whatever choices they might make about how they choose to parent; whether one parent should be at home for a bit, or both work and use child care. If one chooses to be the stay and home parent, they should be protected.

The balance has shifted - when I was a child a mother who chose to work was frowned upon as reneging on her duties; now a SAHM is seen as neglecting her career and being self-indulgent.

We need to respect and protect both choices.

Iam64 This debate about happy, wonderful sahm v selfish working mothers always follows the same tedious path. Someone will say if they couldn’t afford to live on their husbands salary, they’d never have had children. Then, someone would post all the domestic/child related stuff they did as a sahm. A working mum responds with, I did all that as well as working full time. At this point, I long to quote Ginger, who did all that Fred Astaire did, but in high heels whilst dancing backwards

Quite interesting, thank you.

Never have I heard criticism of sahm v working mum, except here at GN. Seems mums should want to get along, be happy having choices.

Luckygirl3

It is all about balance really and the government providing support to parents whatever choices they might make about how they choose to parent; whether one parent should be at home for a bit, or both work and use child care. If one chooses to be the stay and home parent, they should be protected.

The balance has shifted - when I was a child a mother who chose to work was frowned upon as reneging on her duties; now a SAHM is seen as neglecting her career and being self-indulgent.

We need to respect and protect both choices.

My mum always worked, and had a very interesting job- in the 50s and onwards. She looked fabulous, she had her own car, and all my friends who had sahm envied me and thought she was amazing, interesting, glamorous. She didn't care a hoot what others thought. It gave us the kids huge confidence and made us very responsible and self-reliant. I will never thank her enough.

As a medic I couldn't take too much time off work or I would have become out of date and lost my confidence. We were fortunate to have 5 children. We only had one childcare arrangement. We had a brilliant part time nanny who lived out but covered all my part time hours. She knew I had to go to work and she very rarely had a day off. She worked with us for about 11 years. It would have been a waste of my uni education not to use my training. I felt I was extremely fortunate to combine the joys of motherhood with a medical career. I did work very hard juggling it all.No regrets.

Annajay not sure whether your comment was sarcastic or not. But essentially I am no such thing, and do not pretend to be. I have been incredibly fortunate in my life, but also had the same trials and tribulations as everyone else.

As a SAH working mum for 4 years, then a going out to work GOTW mum I found the one of the hardest aspects was the disrespect shown by some out of each group towards the other.
The sanctimonious GOTW mums criticised the SAHM 1 of the worst criticisms was, “you’re letting your brain wither and wasting your degree”
The sanctimonious SAHM accused GOTW mums of neglecting their children, putting their own needs first and having children they couldn’t be bothered to look after.

Going back to teach was hard. Things had moved on a lot IN 4 years and keeping up with changes is not the same as actually implementing them. Then there was the whole issue of homework, housework, and fitting in all the other things that had been easier as a SAHM.
Some parents have no choice and some do but it’s not up to others to criticise those choices, whether they’re enforced or not.

I had the best of both worlds, stay at home mum for 11 years until the youngest was 7. Never idle, always interacting with the children, taking them out on picnics and making everything, clothes, furnishings cakes whatever I could to help spin the one salary

Then back to work p/t while the children settled to a new routine. F/t in another 3 years. Juggling was never easy, neither was keeping up to scratch with my uni education, needed for my work