Self care and self neglect

One of the ways I neglect myself is forgetting my medication which, helps me sleep and helps my pain levels

I've been better since someone helpful on gransnet suggested leaving it by the kettle amd I also have an alarm on my phone

But if I'm distracted by other things, that thought pops into my head that I will do it in a minute and that's that

My self care is living the way I want to, not the way other people want me to. During the economical mess we're in at the moment, I don't consider ironed clothes as 'self care', especially if you're not actually out and about. I live like a hermit, not much of a people person these days. I'm healthy, I take a lot of care in keeping my immune system as healthy as possible without relying on others to do it for me. I eat as healthily as I can afford and make compromises where I can without denying myself too much. You have to live within your means at this time and believe with all your heart that this too shall pass and our lives will get so much better rather than worse. Believe it or not, but this is the most exciting time anyone could wish to be alive. You may not think so at the moment but remember that whatever you see may not be as it seems. Try not to be sucked into the Fear theme and begin to imagine how wonderful your future lives can be.

I am one for self neglect! When the children were little I neglected myself terribly and have since had it pointed out by my,now adult daughters, that whereas I thought I was prioritising their needs they did not have a good example set to them of self worth and self care😳
History is repeating itself with my youngest DD and her 3 children as I am caring a lot for them while she finishes her nursing degree and have slipped back into old ways of not looking after my own needs! I know this needs to be addressed because it leads to ill health mental and physical as I know to my cost!

Farzanah

I’m a little confused about the concept. I consider ironing as housework, but the basic “self care” I do is showering, cleaning my teeth, washing my hair and visiting the hair dresser occasionally.
Is self care what is referred to a “pampering”. If so I don’t do that stuff?

Glad to see I am not the only person puzzled by this thread.

It would never have struck me to consider ironed clothes, polished shoes and the like as "self-care."

Nor would I like, you, Farzanah, include daily hygiene as self-care, any more than washing clothes.

Going to the dentist twice a year, and having my eyes tested are, I suppose, forms of self-care. Wearing a bike helmet must come into this category too. I suppose I might include daily exercise.

Reading books - no, definitely not. Reading is an absolute necessity to me and has been a daily pursuit since the day I mastered the art of reading when I was five.

Self-neglect? Surely, no-one neglects themselves unless suffering from clinical depression?

Or is forgetting to say my prayers a form of self-neglect?

I call it the broken biscuit syndrome. Harking back the the days when opening the biscuit packet I would have the often broken one at the end and give the unbroken ones to the kids.
It felt a luxury to have an unbroken one.
Ok I know we shouldn’t have been eating biscuits!

When younger I was taken in by the 'romance' sort of myth and did myself a lot of harm by always (and I mean always) putting other people first. Eventually the scales fell from my eyes and I realised nobody else viewed life that way (and nobody noticed my efforts). Now I try to do something purely for enjoyment every day. And put my own health as a high priority. It really helped when OH health was critical - a daily focus on something non-medical kept me halfway sane!

I never used to think meditation and breathing were for me but since I discovered the wonderful insight timer app I listen to around ten minutes of a meditation whilst breathing slowly and calmly every morning. It’s a lovely little bit of self care. There are loads of different things on the app for everyone just have a little explore until you find what suits. At the moment I like Tony Brady and Nicky Temple.

jenpax

I am one for self neglect! When the children were little I neglected myself terribly and have since had it pointed out by my,now adult daughters, that whereas I thought I was prioritising their needs they did not have a good example set to them of self worth and self care😳
History is repeating itself with my youngest DD and her 3 children as I am caring a lot for them while she finishes her nursing degree and have slipped back into old ways of not looking after my own needs! I know this needs to be addressed because it leads to ill health mental and physical as I know to my cost!

I really felt this comment

I sometimes wonder if self-indulgence doesn't equal self-neglect. I'm sitting here dipping into a bag of crisps when I should be up on my feet doing things!
But I tend to agree with a poster above who says that self-neglect is failing to wash as often as you should, allowing yourself to live in dirty surroundings and not providing yourself with healthy meals. I'm not sure what comes first in that sort of situation - the depression and loneliness or the neglect?
Obviously self care is the opposite of the above! And if possible with the occasional treat or self-indulgence thrown in.

The ironing example, was just that I di not spend the same tike and effort on my clothes as I do my families.

It was inspiration to look at the topic deeper, not a massive issue in itself

Where does self care end and vanity begin?
I don't believe I neglect myself but it's true to say that I'd sooner spend money on my dog's wellbeing than things that other people would see as 'self care'.

After my hair loss and teeth loss as a child, I have thought many, many times 'What's the point of self care?'

Poppyred I have a hair system, not a hair weave system. I have no hair to weave it onto.

Except when we get on to serious political issues, coming on here to share and advise is a form of self care.

Self care doesn't have to come at cost to others or financial cost at all

Self care for me is walking on my own just letting my thoughts wander. An hour of listening to a bit of background music on the radio whilst reading a book. Love a little pamper session. Hair, nails, massage but really dont do THAT often enough. I am notoriously bad at looking after me, often putting others first but now as I age am learning not neccesarily to put myself first but at least in the mix.

Don't iron. I don't eat much but like to make it healthy. Drink a pint of milk a day.

For self care I grow, harvest, prepare and eat many of our main of the veggie I use in our meals…..the whole cycle is very self satisfying and so good for me emotionally as well as physically. I also don’t drink any alcohol …haven’t done for many years now ….and don’t miss it at all. And one of my favourite ‘self care’ habits…..taking myself on a solo holiday with a travel company that does all the planning. I go with them once a year….to places I really want to visit …..and always return back home with wonderful memories and feeling happy and ‘renewed’.

Hair loss can be very traumatic, don’t let anyone tell you any differently.

I lost a lot of hair from psoriasis on my scalp, it was coming out in handfuls when I washed my hair, and all over my pillow when I got up.

Any time spent ironing is self neglect. What a wasteful occupation . Nothing needs ironing anymore . Kids school shirts get dried on hangers ….they put them on…and any crease left is taken out by body heat … school trousers hung over hangers in their original creases, no need for ironing !!!
And guess what….in winter the school kids cover their creased shirts ( if any) with pullovers. My daughter has a 10 and 15 year old …they’ve both survived school without my daughter owning an iron!

Since retiring I've joined a weekly 'Simply Walk' group which is run by volunteers via the council, so is free. We walk for an hour then have a sociable coffee at the hall where we start off. As I got fitter I stopped driving to the meeting place and walked there instead adding another half hour walking. I'm realising this is self care - looking after my health and fitness. I lost weight by using a Fitbit and generally walking/moving more and am now over 4 stones lighter than at my heaviest. I'm fitter now than I've been in years. getting fit is a virtuous circle. The fitter you get, the easier it is to get fitter and stay fit!

I do neglect other aspects of self care though, as I gave up on hairdressers years ago and now have less hair so even less inclined to bother. I've never worn make up apart from a bit of eyeshadow and mascara occasionally, and no longer bother with that any more. The last time I had a hair cut or wore makeup was my son's wedding over five years ago! I don't spend on clothes much either as being retired means I don't need to look as smart day to day. If I invest in clothing now it will be comfy shoes and warm jumpers to save on the heating!

I feel differently about ironing. I watch a good film or drama while I do it which means I rather look forward to it and feel like I am treating myself.

Also, my children ironed their own clothes from the age of twelve.

How do you get to see your doctor once a month? I want to live where you do!

I'm taking notes and walking sounds like such a small but very positive difference

I'll get my wellies

effalump

My self care is living the way I want to, not the way other people want me to. During the economical mess we're in at the moment, I don't consider ironed clothes as 'self care', especially if you're not actually out and about. I live like a hermit, not much of a people person these days. I'm healthy, I take a lot of care in keeping my immune system as healthy as possible without relying on others to do it for me. I eat as healthily as I can afford and make compromises where I can without denying myself too much. You have to live within your means at this time and believe with all your heart that this too shall pass and our lives will get so much better rather than worse. Believe it or not, but this is the most exciting time anyone could wish to be alive. You may not think so at the moment but remember that whatever you see may not be as it seems. Try not to be sucked into the Fear theme and begin to imagine how wonderful your future lives can be.

I would be interested to know how old you are as you are looking to 'the future'. Perhaps you are considerably younger than some of us on Gransnet?