Staying put or moving house?

Thank you karmalady for your suggestions, I will read some more about moving in the house and home section. I am starting to declutter but it's all small stuff at the moment, anyway I shall keep going in the areas where he won't notice! Glad your move was a success karmalady, we have only ever done it twice and it was stressful then. We've also got loads more stuff now too. Have a lovely day.

A good cure for wanting to move to the country IMO, is staying many times with friends who live down a steep, very narrow country lane, where it’s a 15 minute drive even for emergency milk or loo roll, and even for walking the dogs anywhere you can let them off the lead (fields of sheep, not to mention the odd boy racer hurtling through the lanes.)

Worked for me! (Dh never had the urge anyway). Nice for a visit, but no thanks - especially as said friends got older and one of them could no longer drive. What on earth would have happened if the other ever couldn’t I dread to think, but one eventually died and his wife eventually moved to a very nice and convenient city flat where she’s very contented.

Arlme the situation you describe was pretty much my Dh and me this time last year, although my Dh was as keen as me to move. However, this time last year we were also sitting in a freezing cold house, having lost all services after Storm Arwen, and that put the final seal on our mission to find a new home. We wanted to move to be closer to services and make it easier to see our family.

The other decider was when a friend and her Dh, who was disabled by a severe stroke some years ago, both ended up in a care home after a sudden change in her health and ability to cope. They weren’t that elderly, mid-70’s. They had no choice in their circumstances, they couldn’t live at home any more and had to accept what was provided to them. That was all because they’d delayed and delayed selling their house and finding somewhere more suitable. I knew I didn’t want to be in a situation where other people decided about my life, if I could avoid it.

Decluttering after 25 years was a challenge but slowly and steadily, we got there. I’d definitely start that now, with smaller things, if need be. Ask yourself why you’re keeping hold of things. We had many, many books but I reasoned that I almost never reread anything so anything that has been read went. There were others I knew I’d never get round to reading, for various reasons - one book was so old I could no longer see the tiny print! They all went. Out of date reference type books got the heave ho. Cookery books I no longer use or use just one recipe went, after I’d copied it down.

My DC’s stuff was offered to them and if they didn’t want it, that went out. Items that were duplicated (how many jugs and vases does one household need?) went. Basically, it it didn’t give me pleasure or wasn’t useful, it went.

You could ask someone to come and value your house. That was a big breakthrough for us. We were at first shocked at how low it was and wondered if we’d be able to proceed but then came to the conclusion that they’d undervalued it. However, the survey was excellent so we put it on the market above their suggestion and were justified when we sold for almost 15% over the raised asking price.

When you have a figure written down on paper/on a screen, it becomes more real and a path through becomes clearer. It’s difficult to see your way out when there are so many unknowns in the way. Good luck!

mooMOO, deepest condolences, that’s very hard.x

I have friends living in retirement flats and imagined that this would be ideal in the future. Looking into the practicalities I was horrified at the maintenance charges on very modest little flats. £5000 yearly for the bills which cost just a few hundreds in my present home. That’s half my income.
I shall be staying put in my draughty little old cottage.

MooMoo, so sorry for your loss, try to wait a while before moving. 💐to you and Aldom, suicide of a loved one is one if the worst feelings you can experience. So many questions.
I need to move, dragged my feet too long, but somewhere close to all shops and buses, not stuck in the countryside. where I can’t get out if I can’t use my car for any reason. Always a country girl at heart now find I like people and all local amenities.

I have been following a McCarthy and Stone development in our area. They are having an information day on Thursday in a local hotel that I would like to have gone to.
I want lots of information about costs but can’t go and DH refuses to go without me because he likes our home and doesn’t want to move anywhere.
I can’t stay here if he dies before me (huge garden and house too big) I would like to have something much smaller that I can leave easily to visit Australia and DD there.

PamelaJ1 your husband wouldn't be held hostage and forced to move just by going to a meeting!

My Dad (91) has lived in an extra-care apartment near me for the last four years.
When he first moved in he was very independent, with his own car, going out and about every day.
He needs more supervision and support now as he has developed vascular dementia, but it's available from the in-house care team and has been easy to arrange as and when it's required.

Two ladies in another apartment are abroad for half the year on holidays!
They like the fact that their property is being looked after and maintained while they're away.

Like you I'm not sure I'd want to stay in a big house if I were on my own.

Thank you Allsorts