Are you put off from visiting?

My family always put up each other even if it’s blow up beds on the floor. Great fun and adds to the stay

We have always stayed with our family when visiting - even if it means sleeping on a sofabed or in a child's bedroom with children doubling up with each other. It's much more friendly and relaxing, quite apart from saving money.

Time with family? Well worth it if you can afford it, if not see if they can help, never miss an opportunity, you don't know when the next will be

StoneofDestiny

If I could afford it I’d prefer it - a peaceful sleep and lie in!
If I couldn’t afford it - I’d ask if they would pay for us instead of buying us a Christmas gift

Sensible.

If you stay in a B&B there is no need to get up early or go the bed late. Avoid wake-ups, breakfast, baths, bedtime - wastes of time and squashed in.

Exactly my son lives in perth australia and I miss him and the grandchildren who I haven’t seen one of the boys due to cost which I haven’t got £3000 for flights alone for the two of us and I can’t go alone due to be disabled

I would still go but if your daughter can't put you up, find somewhere cheaper to stay at.

I'm lucky as I can usually stay with DS when visiting. However I'm hoping to move nearer to see more of them and my grandchildren. Although moving is expensive and a huge upheaval, I have the advantage of moving North so house prices are much lower so I'll go from having a small mortgage to being mortgage free and having money in the bank. Of course they could end up moving away in the future but hopefully I'll be settled and building a new life by the time that happens and the money in the bank will enable me to afford to travel if I need to. I sometimes envy friends with all their family nearby and regular contact with grandchildren but it is what it is. I'll be moving further away from DD but I will still be able to visit her and she will visit me. We all have to make our choices based on what is best for all concerned. If you can afford to visit, do it, but if not don't. Be honest about why as maybe your family could help out with alternative accommodation etc.

Whilst you may have to bite the bullet this time as it is so close, could I suggest something for next year? I am very involved in Swaledale festival, with concerts walks etc etc. I know a few families who come to this and so meet up with the rest of their family and share time and some concerts together but do their own thing too . They have a core 2/3 days when they will all be there together, but some parts come a bit earlier or stay a bit later. There are options for hotels , camping b@b and teepees so it gives the chance to have whatever accommodation suits different parts of the families. It allows time to be spent with other cousins or grandchildren and let the sons and daughters have a little time to themselves if grandparents perhaps take the children to something one day. Result is that you have seen everyone, no one has had to give up all their time going round the family in turn, you have enjoyed some things together and still have some free time to do things you want to do, and you are not responsible for all the catering. If there is no festival you fancy just perhaps again one part of the family with children might rent a cottage at an off peak time and then the grandparents can again stay b and b or whatever. Think this allows you more special family time at less cost and still allows families to use their own routines You might find that other parts of the family like this idea instead of so much pressure all at one time. You might also do a bit of preparation for this conversation by talking about friends of your own age you are no longer doing x or y as they are finding it too much these days etc. When we all make such an effort to be helpful and fit in with others , we often dont tell them how difficult it has been or how long it takes you these days to get ready and go, and of course , more than that I find it is the recovery time needed as I get older that makes the difference . Might make the journey ok but need a couple of peaceful days when I get there to revive!Children as they get older really want to stay near their friends and be with them, so actually you may all agree that you meet at a warmer time of year and can ring each other up or facetime or whatever and just enjoy spending your christmas day doing what you enjoy and the others do too. Best wishes with whatever you do

Going back to the OP - my friend’s daughter pays her train fare when she visits, so might your DD be able to help you out with some costs?

My in laws visit their DD and her family fat christmas and the hotel stay is the family's Christmas present to them

If my estranged (her choice !) daughter ever asked me to visit her, the husband and grandchild I have never met, I would gladly do so !

Riggie, I answered that earlier.

Re OP. I’ve been heartened to know how many people would goof they could, despite the huge increases in fuel costs.

Depends on what you can do if you don't visit. If you can have a lovely Christmas without the upheaval and cost, stay home. Otherwise put up with the negatives and go. We entertain our lovely family nearly every Christmas and Boxing Day. Such a treat when our eldest daughter does one of the days but the Covid year, when we couldn't have all the family round we had a lovely Christmas. Fabulous as a one off but prefer to be with them at Christmas despite the hard work!

I understand your problem. We always used to stay with DS's MiL, until COVID struck and we began to use hotels

Unfortunate DS and family live in a 'historic city' very popular with tourists and a regional centre, so hotel/B&B accommodation is very expensive all year round and after our last visit we were combing hotels etc up to 20 miles away to try and find affordable accommodation. Thankfully MiL has said she is really happy to provide accommodation again, so our problem is solved, but I really sympathise with the OP

I think it is a question as how often in the year, you make the journey and whether the arrangement is reciprocal, do they come down to you as often as you go upto them - and can you afford it?

As for I'm surprised at people who stay in a hotel, rather than with family, even if it's a bit of a squash I am (nearly) speechless). Two adults and two children of 10 and over in a two bedroomed flat? Especially if the grandparents have any health or movement problems. 6 or more people in a house with only one loo - and that in the bathroom,

Personally, I have reached a stage, where after a lovely day with all the chaos of family life. I find it a relief to go somewhere quiet for the night. Families live very busy lives, sometimes it is easier for them if they can ask us not to come round until 10.00am, after DGD has been taken to ballet and DGS has gone to his drama class.

We always stayed with grandparents and also stay with DD but they had more space and facilities. DS and family do not and DH's medical problems require space and peace at night.

If you can afford it definitely go. We are spending our money and giving it to our children now rather than letting the taxman have it when we die. There are no pockets in shrouds as they say.

After my Father dyed I used to travel to stay with my mother every 4 to 6 weeks. It cost about £500 per trip, I THOUGHT I could afford it then but now could do with that money

However, I don’t regret it for one moment as it’s time we never get back.

Good luck with whatever decision you make x

Oops. Sorry. He didn’t “dye” 🙄

Casdon

Aveline

If we could afford it we'd certainly go. Life is too short to miss out on family connection.
If we couldn't afford that level of expense I might be thinking about cheaper ways to do it. (Bus, Airbnb, blow up mattress etc)

I agree - I’d look for deals at Premier Inn if I couldn’t stay with my daughter, there are discount codes available, and the earlier you book the cheaper it is.

That’s what I’d do, a Premier Inn.
To the OP, can’t your family squeeze you in at their place?
See it as as holiday and enjoy it.

varian

We have always stayed with our family when visiting - even if it means sleeping on a sofabed or in a child's bedroom with children doubling up with each other. It's much more friendly and relaxing, quite apart from saving money.

👍🏻

Yes I would go. When my granddaughter was younger (birth to 5 years) they lived 12 hours away and we would go for 3-4 days and stay at a hotel near their house. Our gd would stay with us for a mini holiday for her as well. It would cost us at least £1000 as we also took them on a grocery shop before we left.
Luckily for my pocketbook they now live only a couple hours away so we just do day trips now.

That’s a tough one, but really depends on how you’d feel missing the trip vs the financial impact. I’d go without other things to have a family get together, I think, but that is a lot to spend. But I would not spend £700 to attend a wedding again (hundreds of miles and accom for four and this was years ago). We politely declined the invitation to her next wedding five years later 😳.

If you can afford it then go.Don’t dilly dally,it doesn’t do you any good! Just go and enjoy.You won’t be able to do it for ever so while you can ……go.x

If you can possibly afford it I’d say go.
As for staying with AC my DS and DDiL would willingly have us to stay with them, and have done in the past, but like M0nica we find it works much better to stay nearby. Due to health issues and general decrepitude(!) we don’t find it “more relaxing” to stay with family. We only sleep and shower in an Airbnb but we do sleep well and long and don’t have to queue for the bathroom!

I budget for family visits, but I also use points from credit cards and loyalty cards to get discounted flights.

I don't know about UK, but here we have stores with loyalty cards; if you save up enough points you can use them towards flight and hotel stays. I stay with DD when I visit, but use points towards the flights.

Have a look, or ask around to see what is available. I use a Mastercard to gain points when I grocery shop, then use the points towards a discounted flight or hotel stay. You may have something similar available there.

I would go, yes. Especially if you're made to feel welcome.

I've done Air bnb, a room in someone's house. They have been different but all lovely in their own way. Hlj can usually use the kitchen so getting a. Packet of cereal, some teabags and some. Ilk means a cheap bfdkkjd so you save on the cost of one at a premier in or Travelodge. I have gone cheap because I don't go away to spend time in a house, so don't need much If you like the place you might be able to stay there on another visit
I'd go but would try and see if I could do the journey cheaper, and remember if you are on a train and it is delayed aim a refund lol