Are you put off from visiting?

Our son, DIL and 2-y/o GC live in England, and my spouse and I live in the U.S. Spouse is retired; I still work full time, so we can budget the funds ($5,000 per year) to visit them 2x per year. I would do anything to visit my son and his family. British Airways has special airfares in the winter; and we use our tax refunds to purchase the airfare. We also pay for a dog sitter at home; transportation to and from the airport; and a few outings (include pubs) when we visit. We also pay for most of our food when we visit. A few less expenses States side to travel across the pond to see our family is worth the effort to stay connected.

I would bring my daughter into the conversation about costs of visiting. 300 miles is going to take a day there and a day back. Why should our children be unaware of these practical issues? For the lady who has to put her dog in care, perhaps it would work out cheaper if she found dog care near her daughter and that would reduce the duration of the dog stay. Mother/daughter/son relationships are a 2 way street and if problems are out in the open, they can be resolved. Adult children are actually adults.

1 would bring my daughter into the conversation about costs of visiting. 300 miles is going to take a day there and a day back. Why should our children be unaware of these practical issues? For the lady who has to put her dog in care, perhaps it would work out cheaper if she found dog care near her daughter and that would reduce the duration of the dog stay. Mother/daughter/son relationships are a 2 way street and if problems are out in the open, they can be resolved. Adult children are actually adults.

Adult offspring are very much aware of at what it takes to make travel arrangements

Her daughter, with kids, may face even more difficult travel preparations compared to the mother

Different phases in life, different challenges

Florence78

1 would bring my daughter into the conversation about costs of visiting. 300 miles is going to take a day there and a day back. Why should our children be unaware of these practical issues? For the lady who has to put her dog in care, perhaps it would work out cheaper if she found dog care near her daughter and that would reduce the duration of the dog stay. Mother/daughter/son relationships are a 2 way street and if problems are out in the open, they can be resolved. Adult children are actually adults.

???

Definitely. I go to Canada twice a year to see my son and grandchildren. Life is too short not to see family - they grow up too quickly.

With very limited spare income as I’m a WASPI I have a tiny private pension to live on until I’m 66. I have very vulnerable fragile elderly parents in their nineties and who live 2 hours away. Very difficult to pay bills and visit.

I stay in a Premier Inn 1 night a week to visit gc and pay about 47 if you book it about a month in advance

Grannie06 You are very fortunate to be able to afford to pay £50 a week, £200 a month, £2,600 a year, to help your children and grandchildren. many, if not most, people cannot afford that. You are also fortunate that the Premier Inn near your family is so cheap.

DS lives in York, a popular tourist city, it is rare for the price of a Premier Inn to fall below £100. Last time we stayed, which was for 3 nights, as, these days, we do not like driving long journeys (over 200 miles) at night, it cost us over £400.

This is something we cannot afford to do on a regular basis - and we are comfortably off - for those on smaller incomes, doing it, even once a year is prohibitive.

It's difficult on a fixed pension income - and being old - to economise. My youngest would come home by coach (much cheaper than by train) and sleep on a sofa in the extension when the house was packed with others. My old bones just couldn't stand roughing it like that!

Ive never really enjoyed staying with people and would not have done so for more than a weekend. Even my own family. Someone elses house is someone elses rules and I like to be my own mistress.

I was in my early 40s before I left my home city and after that I rarely went back to visit my parents. Those of you who have read some of my anecdotes about growing up will know why. Once my grandmother was gone there was little to attract me back. I used to hate christmas. Being a non driver I was more or less stuck there for 4 days.

When we were younger, ‘squashing up’ wasn’t a problem. In her later years my mother’s spare room had only a small double - four foot - bed, but dh and I would sleep very well in it.

Now is quite a different matter. We both sleep far less well, plus up and down to the loo, and there’s no way I will share even a standard double bed now - it feels so cramped.

We are invited soon to a big family get together - the relative who’s hosting has a huge house, so there would probably be room for us, but we’re opting for a nearby Premier Inn instead - a guaranteed* lovely big bed, and the nowadays very necessary en-suite.
*or so I thought until last night, when dh rejected my choice of PI and opted for a much bigger one, where apparently it’s a toss up whether you get a standard double bed or a king size.

I told him a very firm Absolutely No Way!

In the past people had far less 'stuff'. One of the reasons we do not stay with DS when we visit, is because so much of the available space is taken up by stuff, mostly books, as each person in the household seems to shelter a collection of books, sufficient to stuck a branch lending library.