Being abandoned by friends during difficult times

Hereditary Spastic Paraplegia runs in my family. One who just died (59 y.o.) from complications lived in Housing for the Elderly and the folks that supported him were mostly from his church but his neighbors and the staff that saw him almost daily left him little care packages and occasionally brought him dinner. One immigrant couple who barely spoke English invited him weekly to dinner and always had a kind smile for him. Even tho he was bound to a wheelchair, he managed to get to the church where he was well-loved. Another brother with HSP has no loving connections in his life and the contrast is night and day. He's paranoid and quite delusional but lives in a big city where he's able to hold a job. His life is very hard and he has no car. Way back, he lived with me and my family for a year but now I'm 10 hours away by car.... There is a brother who lives in the same city but wants little to do with him. It's hard.

Losing not closing

It is very difficult on both sides. I am reading this and feeling guilty. I had a friend whom I met on a secretarial course. Nice but rather mouselike woman (aged 29 at the time), long story short, we rattled on meeting up, attended each others weddings etc, she married her much older boss had no children as he already had three. Became granny to step grandchildren at 40, embraced grannyship. Suffered from all sorts of nasties such as ovarian cancer, ME, you name it she had it but genuinely. Became a recluse even before Covid as she was always unwell, her husband quite happy about it.

However all she could talk about was death and illness, no happiness or positivity, and every time I visited or spoke on the phone I came away feeling so down and deflated. Final straw for me was my father being taken into hospital with terminal cancer and all she wanted to do was talk about her cousins husband who had just died from brain tumour. I didn’t intentionally ghost her, but I did.
We now exchange Christmas and birthday cards with snippets of news ( hers still about illnesses) but I don’t want to rattle her cage again, despite still feeling bad about it as she was a kindly woman, old before her time ( she is 62 going on 92)

Sadly I know how you feel,my son was diagnosed with a permanent mental illness ,it's devastating to know your child has a dismal future.In the end my friends don't understand ,think I can just dismiss it as nothing ,I can't ,I only have one friend now ,the rest have healthy children and we don't have anything in common,they don't want to know ,I'm alone in my grief.

Camille, my heart goes out to you.
And to all who feel they are alone.
.

Thank you loopyloo

LucyLocket55

It is very difficult on both sides. I am reading this and feeling guilty. I had a friend whom I met on a secretarial course. Nice but rather mouselike woman (aged 29 at the time), long story short, we rattled on meeting up, attended each others weddings etc, she married her much older boss had no children as he already had three. Became granny to step grandchildren at 40, embraced grannyship. Suffered from all sorts of nasties such as ovarian cancer, ME, you name it she had it but genuinely. Became a recluse even before Covid as she was always unwell, her husband quite happy about it.

However all she could talk about was death and illness, no happiness or positivity, and every time I visited or spoke on the phone I came away feeling so down and deflated. Final straw for me was my father being taken into hospital with terminal cancer and all she wanted to do was talk about her cousins husband who had just died from brain tumour. I didn’t intentionally ghost her, but I did.
We now exchange Christmas and birthday cards with snippets of news ( hers still about illnesses) but I don’t want to rattle her cage again, despite still feeling bad about it as she was a kindly woman, old before her time ( she is 62 going on 92)

LucyLocket I'm not sure that you should feel guilty in thatboarticular circumstance. Friendship is a two way process and this one wasn't! That is not the same as the scenario the OP describes.

Be kind to yourself!