Feeling anxious about husband being misunderstood in the world now controlled by the wokeness police,!!

I love it when people use pet names. Recently when I handed stuff into our local charity shop the man serving said thanks my lovely, it warmed my heart ♥️

Never let your DH feel bad about expressions of endearment 😊

Hithere. Maybe in the US you are more formal and not so accepting of less formal greetings, over here many people use luv or hun whether they know you or not in various parts of the country there are other similar informal greetings duck, hen, pet, sweetie If you’re in the south west you might hear ‘My lover’ Don’t be alarmed it’s not meant literally
‘Guys’ nowadays is used for men and women
There is the more formal ‘miss’ not used much nowadays

Men to men would probably be mate, bro or dude

I always thought US was less formal than UK bit obviously not

Interesting subject

For me, it is not a matter of formality

In fact, the US can be very informal while keeping it politically correct - gender neutral, for example

It is respect - how to be addressed in a manner that has no indication of my gender
Another person cannot assume that how they treat others is correct - generally speaking

If the other person raises valid concerns and doesnt like it, he/she deserves to be heard and action corrected, not just assume certain conditions override others - again, generally speaking

When I visit other places, I take into account regional differences unless it is an obvious offense (violence, physical, verbal or sexual, for example)

volver3

^Respect goes both ways.^ Says Baggs, quite rightly. But

I would tell them exactly what they are 😡 and it wouldn’t be pleasant says MerylStreep.

I am really confused as to why someone else being "put out" about something causes such anger in grown adults...

You would never understand why people like me get angry on other peoples behalf.
It’s a form of bullying and that’s when my red mist comes down.
Not just my opinion, lots of articles on line referring to what I’ve stated above.

Hithere

Callistemon21

You truly do not know the challenges in my life right now - i would not want my worst enemy to go through them

Do not assume I have no experience in this matter

None of us on GN know the challenges others are facing unless they post about them.

I am sorry.
However, it can give those of us who have experience of caring for a loved one more reason to have empathy with others, I would think.

People may become disinhibited after a stroke or brain injury.

I wondered if, in America, people were addressed more formally and I'm assuming Sir and Ma-am are more widely used rather than Luv, Duck, Darling, my Lover.

I get called 'Darl' in Australia and haven't worked out if it's Doll with an accent or short for Darling.

I remember that my sister and I would try to stop my mother from using 'dated language', explaining that it was inappropriate and offensive. She never really understood, but did stop using those words to the best of our knowledge.
I tell my daughter that if I say things that are likely to offend, to tell me. It's a changing world and we oldies must try to keep up.

It's a changing world and we oldies must try to keep up.

Moot point.
Did we expect this of our parents and grandparents?

Andrew Marr said in the New Statesman (I think it was in last week's) that being "woke" was what we used to call good manners.

MerylStreep

volver3

Respect goes both ways. Says Baggs, quite rightly. But

I would tell them exactly what they are 😡 and it wouldn’t be pleasant says MerylStreep.

I am really confused as to why someone else being "put out" about something causes such anger in grown adults...

You would never understand why people like me get angry on other peoples behalf.
It’s a form of bullying and that’s when my red mist comes down.
Not just my opinion, lots of articles on line referring to what I’ve stated above.

Ah, so its the "red mist" that you think is a good excuse that excludes you from civility towards people who don't like being patronised?

Well that's one excuse, I suppose. Not a very good one though.

I was accused of being woke yesterday. (Not by you.) I can't both be woke and unable to sympathise with other people.

Got any links to these illuminating articles?

Chardy

I remember that my sister and I would try to stop my mother from using 'dated language', explaining that it was inappropriate and offensive. She never really understood, but did stop using those words to the best of our knowledge.
I tell my daughter that if I say things that are likely to offend, to tell me. It's a changing world and we oldies must try to keep up.

We've had this with my inlaws too. My FiL in particular is apt to use words which are most definitely offensive when referring to people from other countries. The nursing home where he and my MiL now live have a lot of staff from Nigeria in particular (can you see where I'm going with this?) - and we've had to explain to him in no uncertain terms that he cannot use these words, even though in his mind, he doesn't mean to cause any offence. He would hate to think he'd upset anyone, but he simply doesn't realise that times have changed and you can't use those words now.

Callistemon

No, it is not a moot point

What other generarions did in the past does not dictate the rules for future ones

Different generations with different mentalities need to coexist in this world - nobody is exempt

Well in my part of the North West lots of people use 'love, lovey, mate' etc - these terms are seen as people trying to be friendly, nothing more. And I love it! I would positive glow if someone called me darling or scrumptious.

silverlining48

I have just remembered an expression used frequently on the 50s/60s ( London) love a duck . Think it was to do with surprise but not sure now. Does anyone remember that?
As for the OP yes we are in different times in terms of offence easily taken. Try not to worry but if someone appears offended have a quiet word.
I wish you both well.

Yes I remember 'love a duck'. I grew up in Lancashire and my grandma used it. She was born in Yorkshire but lived in London for a while so not sure where she got it from.
We have an American sales assistant locally who addresses women customers as ma'am. It makes me feel very important!

Thanks for your replies. Probably didn’t really explain myself very well . The wokeness is a part of my issue but obviously not the example I used regarding DH. He’s a very nice man and very friendly. Would always help anyone out and would be upset if he offended anyone. It’s interesting to see the different opinions and grateful for the imput

What other generarions did in the past does not dictate the rules for future ones

We agree! Of course younger generations always change things - we did in our time too and quite drastically.

But it didn't mean we lost kindness and understanding for older generations who failed to keep up with trends.

I think tolerance for people to refuse to adjust and admit the changes are needed are the issue, not the empathy for others

Who lacks empathy then?

sankev

Thanks for your replies. Probably didn’t really explain myself very well . The wokeness is a part of my issue but obviously not the example I used regarding DH. He’s a very nice man and very friendly. Would always help anyone out and would be upset if he offended anyone. It’s interesting to see the different opinions and grateful for the imput

My original response to you was sympathetic sankev and I still feel that way.

But blaming "wokeness" is not the problem.

Being "woke" is being alert to inequality, and unfairness. It's not the same as objecting when someone does something you think is insulting. It's not oversensitivity. It's not trying to make people think all the same way.

There is a difference, Blondiescot, between truly offensive and derogatory words used to describe people - the word I'm sure you mean was in common use years ago as a descriptive word.

However, dear etc? Only offensive in the ears of someone looking to take offence at the slightest thing.

Hithere

I think tolerance for people to refuse to adjust and admit the changes are needed are the issue, not the empathy for others

Who lacks empathy then?

You do, I'm sorry to say.

www.stroke.org.uk/effects-of-stroke/changes-to-behaviour

Yes, Callistemon21, I understand that. I'm not easily offended in the least, and the only times words like 'dear' or 'darling' would raise my hackles would be when they were clearly being used in a patronising or condescending way. And then I would speak up - as I have done in the past.

Taking offense where none is intended should perhaps be a trigger for some self-reflection...

Blondiescot

Yes, Callistemon21, I understand that. I'm not easily offended in the least, and the only times words like 'dear' or 'darling' would raise my hackles would be when they were clearly being used in a patronising or condescending way. And then I would speak up - as I have done in the past.

Yes, I think we can tell a sleaze-ball by now
Or a misogynist

The world can be an ugly place so I welcome anyone who wants to call me Darling, Love, Hun or even Mate. Likewise I often call other people the same. I see no harm in it and will continue to do so. To the OP. Please don't worry about your husband. He sounds lovely and we need people like him in society.

We used to have a delivery driver from Stoke on Trent and he always said “Hi shugs.” I assume he meant “sugar”.

I know exactly what you mean as my DH has also had a stroke and sometimes their filter goes. Would he mind wearing a Lanyard, with either the stroke association of the Sunflower emblem on for hidden disabilities, they were being giving the free in some supermarkets or you can buy them from Amazon, does he mind you correcting him gently? Mine does sometimes . Don't forget the stroke has killed some of the brain cells and it can stop them remembering not to say something, or being overly friendly , we know someone like this who comes out with some near the knuckle lines , sometimes my DH comes across as being disinterested when people are saying something. I sometimes give him a gentle reminder before we go somewhere about making sure he listens and engages his brain. But I know it can be hard for them.