Can't cope with friends mental health

How sad for you (both). I'm not sure I have any advice, but I read your post and felt for you.
You sound as if you have had a long and generally happy relationship with her?

If you think hard about it, is there a point in time that things began to change? Did that co inside with her change of mood?
Which leads me on to wonder if she is ill in some way?

Or perhaps some change in your life has caused her to think about the relationship in a different way?

What a terrible situation
Is this a new develoment?
Do you feel she would be open for a chat to address this?

I would like to add, that feeling scared is quite a red flag.

Sorry for my spelling mistake it's rather late
coincide

Has your friend got dementia or another mental illness ? My mum had dementia and had three different moods crying jolly and very nasty. When she was nasty she was violent with me it broke my heart.
I am sure others on here can give you good advice too. My advice is see your friend less often and for a shorter time. I hope you find helpful ideas on here to deal with this.

Namsnanny she's had a health scare , which I think has obviously made her loose sleep, which seems to set her off. She had one episode during the pandemic. She's been ok for a while but I'm talking with her then she comes out with some absolute nonsense. I try and talk with her but she's quite strong willed anyway and she thinks it's everyone around her who is mad!

i think you should avoid her,

Biscuitmuncher

Namsnanny she's had a health scare , which I think has obviously made her loose sleep, which seems to set her off. She had one episode during the pandemic. She's been ok for a while but I'm talking with her then she comes out with some absolute nonsense. I try and talk with her but she's quite strong willed anyway and she thinks it's everyone around her who is mad!

I had a very good friend for years and as soon as her husband become seriously ill she went from day to night. You couldn't have a conversation with her anymore as everything became a rant. I let go in the end as she actually upset me to the point I could not be in her company. You will need to decide what you can take and if you have your ownself and family to put first.

Could you say ' Please don't be rude to me . I am trying to be supportive." Hope things improve

If these are MH incidents you are referring to you can probably think, 'this is the illness speaking' when she is nasty to you. Is she on medication? It's very wearing being with someone like that.. does she have other support? Maybe limit the time you spend with her.. but don't take it personally..

Does she have family to whom you could mention your worries?

A woman in my friendship group has been behaving oddly so I think I understand a little.
Sometimes she's nice as pie and at others irrational and demanding.
She is also becoming deaf so then I repeat and raise my voice which annoys her more.
She is unaware but others notice the change too so it isn't just me.
I avoid spending much time alone with her now as I don't know how to handle it..

.

Very sad situation, your friend is obviously suffering and needs help, yes its natural for you to feel things are occurring that makes you feel uneasy and your worries are very important. Has your friend any family that you could speak to, lay down your concerns? Your friend certainly needs help and for you to be strong.

💐

Unfortunately she has the kind of problem which precludes enough self awareness to see in any way the effect she has on others.
Sounds like she's moved from vulnerable mode to blaming others mode.
Also not getting enough help but unlikely to admit it.

Have had to think about this long and hard because in my case it was my DH. So guilt got/gets in the way of self protection. Any challenge brings opprobrium down on you. I finally started divorce proceedings and DH wrote to the solicitor that I had dementia and was insane - and he believed it.

My personal POV is that her MH condition is a reason but not an excuse and you have every right to protect yourself when it comes to seeing with your head.

Redhead suggests less often and shorter time. It's worth a try first. Any requests for more often/longer answer is "it's all I can manage atm" not reasons necessary.

But in the end you need to separate yourself. MH conditions like that are terribly sad, they tear families apart, but if she is on a downward spiral sometimes it has to be that way before they get scooped up by MH services.

I think you need to look at it as, you cant cope with her right now.

Sounds like she might change back at some stage?

I've just come out of a similar situation whereby after doing everything I possibly could to support a friend [with problems] for years...I've had to retreat for the sake of my own mental well being. I miss her but have found peace and my self esteem and confidence again [after constant digs at me and having to walk on eggshells for a very long time].

The control, sniping, arrogance, odd ashes of temper and developing some very odd and controversial ideas and values which clash with my own became too much in the end.

It's sad to have to let go when we've had good times with someone, sad to see people change so much and also be influenced by those around them but I think you have to move away OP for the sake of your own well being and balance. Everything changes, not always for the better. Look after yourself, sometimes we can't help someone.

kittylester

Does she have family to whom you could mention your worries?

I agree with kitty, does she have any family living locally or do you have contact details for any family that live away?

Alternatively, might you be in a position where you could actually say. to her "I am very worried about you and the way you are with me sometimes, it is so unlike you. to be unkind. Would you like me to come with you see your GP? I really value our friendship but things do not seem right and I want to help you".

Take a break away from her for the sake of your own mental health.

If spending time with her is bringing you down, you need to put some distance between the two of you. It doesn't have to be permanent, although I have finally, after 50 years, ended a friendship. Just as Bluebird243 described above, my former friend was always right, hyper critical of everyone including members of my family, and constantly challenging my opinions e.g. about politics, education, music, or whatever. I realised why members of her family had cut ties with her over the years.

I've no doubt I've changed too and become less and less tolerant, maybe took things to heart more, but the strain of treading on eggshells, or simply having to constantly let things wash over me, finally took it's toll.

I simply said it was time to say goodbye. Everyone has noticed how much happier I am without the constant criticism. I know it was the best for me, but it's a hard decision and I understand how hard it is for you.

If you feel scared of her , that is a sigh you should not ignore. If being with her is too much for you , back away, it maybe ensure you are not alone with her. It is a very sad situation but please take care of you own heath and do not feel guilty!!

I should maybe say that having a mental illness doesn’t usually make someone aggressive and unpleasant. More often it is withdrawal and fear and irrational speech. Just saying.

People with dementia can be aggressive and unpleasant, similalry people under a lot of stress - an if this lady has had a health scare, this may have affected her deeply.

As others say, if you are scared of her, then that is a warning sign and should govern your conduct. Can you just see her for short periods when other people are around?

But your safety and mental health must come first, I would drift out of this relationship rather than just cut it, if possible. This gives your friend time to recover, if this is likely to happen.

nanna8

I should maybe say that having a mental illness doesn’t usually make someone aggressive and unpleasant. More often it is withdrawal and fear and irrational speech. Just saying.

unless it's bi-polar, sometimes psychosis or paranoid schizophrenia

What Monica says.
Sad situation all round but can’t continue, not fair to you.