What is the point?

eddiecat78

I have a couple of health problems which are making life difficult and stopping me from getting out or, in my opinion, being a good relative or friend. I feel I am just getting through each day and increasingly wondering " what is the point?" I asked OH if he ever thinks this and he looked mystified and said No he just does what needs doing and tries to enjoy each day. He never feels that he should be achieving more - which I do, and I feel bad that I'm not.
Please don't tell me to talk to my GP - I am already working on my mental health. Putting it bluntly, I'm just wondering if other people think about "the meaning of life" and if they have come up with any answers. Incidentally I do have children and grandchildren who probably are my main achievement in life but that doesn't feel enough

eddiecat78 Please don't tell me to talk to my GP - I am already working on my mental health. Putting it bluntly, I'm just wondering if other people think about "the meaning of life" and if they have come up with any answers. Incidentally I do have children and grandchildren who probably are my main achievement in life but that doesn't feel enough

My answer to most any problem is and always has been prayer whilst outdoors walking dogs. God holds answers to life, for me. I pray often as I ponder 'why' this or that - during or after new thoughts come to me.

I've many lovely GC, GGC, a fantastic husband - in my soul God speaks.

Maybe prayer or Bible time with Him?

Kate1949

Definitely Marydoll. I don't think I've ever pretended to be someone I'm not, even though many times I wish I wasn't me!

A good few Gransnetters know me in person, so I couldn't pretend to be tall, elegant, witty, amusing, intelligent and wealthy, anyway.🤣

Nana Dana, your post is 100% spot on, thanks for writing it.

It's hard to see a point when you're feeling low. Still, any guilt about not doing enough is self-generated (or from childhood, those 'make yourself useful' remarks). You don't really have to 'do' anything - it's quite enough to 'be'.

Just resting and looking after yourself is sometimes the best thing to do - to recharge your batteries. If you can manage it, a walk every day really does lift the spirits. Look forward to later, when you may have the energy to launch yourself into activities, creative or voluntary work.

Couldn’t agree more Kate1949
I have to smile at some of the things that are written on social media particularly Instagram and mumsnet, perfect people with perfect lives ! I’m not really taken in by any of it! 🤣

I've had very low times in the past and could tell a sad story, and used to wonder what the point of life is. Years on and after much thought and reading etc. I've found a peaceful place in my mind.

Think of cats, they hunt, eat and sleep for hours, and know how to 'be'. They do not worry about achievements and if their life is worthwhile, just do what they feel like when they feel like doing it. They can provide immense comfort to their owners who love them so much, so their lives mean a great deal. We could do with lowering our expectations of ourselves and know our lives mean a lot to others.

I am very content with the things I have achieved in life and the [few] strengths I have . My driving forces have been my 2 sons, creating a lovely home/s and garden/s, my grandchildren, [enjoying life with partners/friends in the past] keeping myself as healthy as possible and always counting my blessings.
I enjoy little things, so many every day: nice weather, pottering in the garden, a walk, greenery, a conversation, every meal, a good book, a good tv programme, a film, music,
my crafts...Wimbledon at the mo! A simple life can be full of lovely moments which make life worth living. If you notice.

I'm on my own and have been for years, so I think having a partner/husband besides you is a great achievement as It hasn't worked for me. I don't think we should take anyone, friend, spouse, partner, son or daughter or grandchild for granted. But I do appreciate it is much harder to feel blessed and happy with life when in a bad situation [work/home/relationship] and/or having very poor health problems. Then you need a lot of support so never be afraid to seek it.

i have had depression for 20 years (started when i was widowed at 39) and most of the time i have coped and got on with it, but 6 years ago i got bowel cancer and then vulva cancer that meant having my groin lymph nodes removed and now have lymphedema which is chronic and will get worse, i am having to use a rollator (walker) outside and if i go out with my son to a large shopping centre he has to get me a wheelchair. i have a lot of what's the point days, i feel useless when i can't get out to buy a pint of milk as some days the pain is so bad i can hardly stand. i enjoy my own company, i read, play games on my laptop, do my exercises but some days i awake and am angry that i did (depression), i did not think my life would go downhill this quickly, i only turned 60 last week. there is days like OP but there is also days when my son and 4 yo grandson facetime me and i get those gorgeous smiles from my gs (autistic non verbal) blowing me kisses and prodding his dad to tell me what he did that day and his thumbs up to say he will see me soon, small things to some people but an amazing thing for me. op please find something you like to do, mine is reading others knit for the baby units (my mum), sister goes and shakes a bucket for charity, older neighbours go to the lunch club or to bingo, sometimes get tickets to see a play or the cinema.
i am sorry this has been a long post, thank you for reading.

I often feel the same way eddycat. Since my DH passed away I really don't see the point of anything. I go through the motions, I shop for food, I eat sensibly, I clean the house, I look after the garden etc but where's the pleasure or joy? I assume my feelings will eventually ease but then I don't really want to move on, it would seem almost a betrayal to my late DH.

You could try a mindfulness course, then you definitely won't need to be thinking about what you are not achieving. You might find peace.. and just the enjoyment of each present day

Oh how that resonates with me. The feeling that "what's it all for" now.
Since I have been unwell, I have gradually lost all that "get up and go" that I had. This morning I have put up a banner, for a birthday relative and that left me utterly drained. DH told me off, and I know he would have done it, but I thought I could do it myself.
Sometimes I just feel as though I have had enough, but then the lively moments arrive and I'm OK again for a while. I have never thought that I was depressed, but maybe that's it, and I am, sometimes.
Onwards and upwards.

I do see the point in being thankful and grateful for each day I’m still around …..I’ve come through the good and not so good times and accept I have more years lived than years to live. My greatest achievement is reaching this state of old age in one piece…..with a grateful heart and a comfortable home in which to enjoy each day as I choose to. I can’t offer any suggestions on how to change these thoughts you’re having eddiecat78, but from reading through many of the responses you are obviously not alone in your mindset. Maybe that will give you some comfort and support.

Many thanks for your comments - lots for me to think about.
I have to say that I still suspect there is no point to life. We are all just bumbling along trying to make the best of the hands we've been dealt! Perhaps I need to go away and study philosophy!

What lovely responses here; I hope you can find encouragement to see your GP, as there is help for you. I wish you well. xx

Meds will not help to give meaning to life. This is about spirituality, I feel. Yes, I do feel that way, but I also feel that there is a purpose to my being which is to some extent a mystery. I find it helps to listen to certain people. The biologist Rupert Sheldrake, for instance. Considered a maverick by many scientists, he has some inspiring things to say about the meaning of life and the nature of the Universe, and its consciousness. He's on YouTube.

For me, it’s ALL about gratitude.
The fact that I still wake up each day, that I can still walk after falling down my stairs and fracturing my spine in two places four yrs ago, I see and hear well, I still have my family and friends, my dear kitten Dora, I drive everywhere, I survived Covid epidemic (never had it), I’m a cancer survivor after six years, I look back at my work and what I got out of it and achieved, my two marriages…

It’s enough. I’m happy. I can relax and take each day as a gift.
USA Gundy

Share so much of what people have said. Meds and counselling have helped. Counselling may help you find your own path ahead.

What has helped me? Curiosity, if I'm not too depressed. Trying to keep contact with others and be interested in their lives.

Finding I am far from alone (thank you gransnet)

Yes I do have a sense of something spiritual if not too down expressed through Quaker fellowship.

(just a note on meds and say spirituality and being curious - for some you need meds to lift to the point where these are accessible, its not an either/or)

I was about to say the same, Wyllow3. There should be no shame in taking medication for depression and sorry if this offends anyone, but spirituality wouldn't have made the slightest bit of difference to me. Medication is what did. If believing in some god or spirits has helped anyone else, then that's fantastic. I'll keep taking the pills.

When I'm weller than the world seems more alive, Blondiescot as in flowers flower and birds sing and music speaks yes at Quaker meeting with others a sense of something like a compassionate spirit abroad - almost a whisper on the wind- if we humans could only be our best selves to ourselves and each other.

But first, you have to be well enough to access these things.

I wonder if there are any group outings or just get togethers near you where they would cater for those with restrictions. I try to comfort myself with remembering that we are human beings not human doings. We are all worthwhile people with inherent worth. We dont have to be doing something to earn that. Though we are certainly socialised to think that way. I take pleasure now in not rushing to things, being able to see new buds, insects, birds, natural beauty. I do desperately need company though

I can relate with op and am inspired by many of the responses, so thank you all for that. In fact eddiecat78 your idea of going away to study philosophy made me smile, may I go along?

My dh is much like the op's, he just gets on with each day and doesn't think too deeply. He seems mostly content. I'd like to be more like them and do try but there is some deep melancholy within me that often forces it's way to front and center of my existence.

It must be quite common considering it even has its own name

I do identify with those who say oh I was brought up that usefulness was what gave meaning and something of a lack of simply - life is there to be enjoyed like a gift!

Maybe some of us ask what is the point more than others as in a naturally "deep" temperament?

This is my when 6 year old true story and wishing maybe for a different answer.

Me
"mum, why are we here"
mum
"what do you mean darling"
me
"well why are we here on this earth"
mum
"why we're here to help others and make a fairer society"

Gundy.
You are right.
Grateful for what I have, notice small joys.

I have said on here before when not really very "upbeat" find 3 things a day to notice and be grateful for.
The sound of the breeze, the rainbow light on a mirror edge, the helpfulness of a neighbour, the softness of the bed, being less painful than yesterday...

I try to remind myself of what I have.

I suppose this is some people's mindfulness and other's spirituality.

I do sometimes have to remember to look - but have found that the more I look the more I see!

So much that others have written resonates with me. Through the ups & downs of life I could usually manage to talk myself into coping by telling myself "just get through today, that is enough" but in recent months I have found it harder and harder to find that well of positivity. I know for myself it is because I am becoming increasingly aware of my inability to do as much as I would like due to getting older, health problems, loss of loved ones and other not so pleasant events relating to friends & family. No one that I feel I can really talk to about these things as they all have their own challenges & difficulties and I feel guilty adding to the burden. It is obvious that many of us on GN have similar feelings, some are suffering and coping with far more than others. Perhaps there is a degree of comfort in knowing and sharing so thank you.

Try some of the wonderful suggestions on here, or give yourself 'permission' to just be. There doesn't always have to be an obvious point.
Biglouis, any time that cupboard gets too tempting, please come online and talk to us.