What is the point?

At 89 I look back at life and feel that I have enjoyed most of it. If my husband hadn’t died things would have been different and I would still be in London and not in the Caribbean. Even though I have three children, plus grandchildren and great grandchildren I still miss my other half. However, I never show anyone just how alone I feel without my husband. I know I am lucky live a comfortable life but what keeps me going are my two little dogs. We just love each other. They are with me 24/7 and they give me a great deal of happiness. Life would not be so good without them. And my only real ambition is to reach 90 because I would be the first in my family to reach that amazing age. One kidney and a heart working with an artificial valve and 4 stents, has not stopped me. I am truly grateful for my life.

I feel useless and that my life will quite definitely not improve. I am estranged from my son and his family, have no other family in the UK, very deaf and suffer from macular degeneration which will result in almost total blindness in the next few years. I am also in pain with what my doctor calls global arthritis. I only have 2 friends left and one is moving to live with her daughter next month. I can't think of any positives to look forward to, just more pain, darkness and loneliness.

Totally understand. I have many health problems and added to them in the last six was coronary artery disease and I eat very healthy.
However recently I have this problem has really made me realise my mortality. I'm 66 next year and have never thought about death till this diagnosis and this last week I've been feeling nauseous, tired and dizzy, yet somehow sleep eludes me.
Yesterday I decided to take control, last year was epoxy resin art year for me, this year I've decided to learn sign language. I can do it in my own time online.
I'm fortunate to be single so don't have to worry about anyone else on the other hand I'll probably die alone, just laughing at myself.
I do know having had depression many years ago if I can put my thoughts elsewhere them over time I'll get through this and I hope you do too.

Marydoll

Kate1949

Definitely Marydoll. I don't think I've ever pretended to be someone I'm not, even though many times I wish I wasn't me!

A good few Gransnetters know me in person, so I couldn't pretend to be tall, elegant, witty, amusing, intelligent and wealthy, anyway.🤣

How do you know other Gransnetters in person?? Please tell.

JPB123

Marydoll

Kate1949

Definitely Marydoll. I don't think I've ever pretended to be someone I'm not, even though many times I wish I wasn't me!

A good few Gransnetters know me in person, so I couldn't pretend to be tall, elegant, witty, amusing, intelligent and wealthy, anyway.🤣

How do you know other Gransnetters in person?? Please tell.

The infamous Glesca Grannies meet ups!

Marydoll

JPB123

Marydoll

Kate1949

Definitely Marydoll. I don't think I've ever pretended to be someone I'm not, even though many times I wish I wasn't me!

A good few Gransnetters know me in person, so I couldn't pretend to be tall, elegant, witty, amusing, intelligent and wealthy, anyway.🤣

How do you know other Gransnetters in person?? Please tell.

The infamous Glesca Grannies meet ups!

How lovely x

eddiecat - today is one of those days - it’s wet, damp, dull and miserable and that’s exactly how I feel. My daughter dropped by with some prawns, to make a curry for her and her teenagers. Like me, she is divorced, but has a job which keeps her busy. I worry about her. I worry about family health.
But I can understand how you feel, especially with health issues that prevent you from going out. You have a good husband. You have children and grandchildren- that is an achievement, don’t you think.?
We all go through ‘dark’ periods. Think of the good things in your life. Hope this cloud lifts and you feel better soon

JPB123

Marydoll

JPB123

Marydoll

Kate1949

Definitely Marydoll. I don't think I've ever pretended to be someone I'm not, even though many times I wish I wasn't me!

A good few Gransnetters know me in person, so I couldn't pretend to be tall, elegant, witty, amusing, intelligent and wealthy, anyway.🤣

How do you know other Gransnetters in person?? Please tell.

The infamous Glesca Grannies meet ups!

How lovely x

It is. A lovely crowd of grans, we had seventeen grans at one meet up.

Enjoy every day that's given to you. You are not a youngster by any means but a mother and grandmother, be grateful, many would give their eye teeth for what you have.

Metra

I feel useless and that my life will quite definitely not improve. I am estranged from my son and his family, have no other family in the UK, very deaf and suffer from macular degeneration which will result in almost total blindness in the next few years. I am also in pain with what my doctor calls global arthritis. I only have 2 friends left and one is moving to live with her daughter next month. I can't think of any positives to look forward to, just more pain, darkness and loneliness.

Metra do you have any support from adult social services? Please ring your local department and see how they can help you.

One organisation I know of that might interest some people is this one:

www.reengage.org.uk/join-a-group/tea-parties/

You can phone and ask to be put in touch with the group in your area.

I have read your posts for Eddiecat and hope they help her. I am glad that V3ra has responded to Metra
I am grateful to Gransnet for this warm, embracing community.

I think I must be lucky as I don't suffer from depression apart from occasional times when I feel unhappy for no obvious reason, but my DM did, all her life so I know about those dark times.

I don't sleep well which is why I'm writing in the middle of the night!

As for the meaning of life? Will we ever know?

Like Wyllow I am a Quaker. In the silence of the meeting for worship I find a deep peace. Time seems to stand still and the bustle of life is far away.

I could have written this EDDIECAT. I know exactly how you’re feeling.
It’s easy for others to say “of course there’s every point”, but when that darkness sits overhead, nothing anyone says can help.
Sending you hugs and let’s hope the sunshine comes back soon 🤗 💐☀️

Thank you all, so pleased to know its not just me x

Metra. Estrangement from your son and his family is such a painful and distressing thing to live with. I'm so sorry.

I've started reading a couple of chapters of books each night in bed. The books that helped me with this feeling are:
Rachel Joyce's trilogy - 'The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry'; ' The Love Song of Miss Queenie Hennessy' and 'Maureen Fry and The Angel of The North'. I liked to hear of their real struggles in later life. Particularly the last book resonated about being a guest of the Earth.

I'm just wondering if other people think about "the meaning of life" and if they have come up with any answers.

I have thought about the meaning of life, and it bothered me a lot in my early 20s that I didn't see any objective meaning to life. One of the great things about becoming a Christian for me, years later, was that I did see an objective meaning - to know God, to love him and be loved by him, to serve him. I look forward to being with him forever, where 'there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain'. (Revelation 21.4.)

5-minute video: Is There Meaning to Life?

youtu.be/NKGnXgH_CzE

Meds will not help to give meaning to life.

Lots of great advice on this thread, and also very honest sharing of similar despair.
But this comment disturbed me. It's true that medication cannot give meaning to life, but in my experience, it can help get you to a point where you CAN cope with life, find meaning in it etc. When I was in the depths of despair/depression, I just couldn't think straight. I attempted suicide several times, became anorexic then bulimic and other damaging behaviours. But when I was diagnosed with chronic depression, the lift that medication gave me got me to a state of mind where I COULD think straight, and feel there was a future, and find ways to cope.

It certainly isn't the only answer, but I feel strongly that it can give a valuable 'leg up' and should not be dismissed.