Child care

No, her child will not be deprived by not going to nursery.

A while ago there seemed to be a group of mothers who were quite vociferous in supporting those who decided, and could afford to, stay at home to look after their own children.
Have they been silenced?

Staying at home doesn't mean staying behind closed doors and not interacting with other people and small children.
Mine were hardly deprived of social contact when they were young.

Those years are precious and it's sad that mothers are made to feel guilty if they want to share them with their own children, even if it means putting their ambitions on hold for a short while.

I agree. I was disturbed to heart that so many women were saying that not sending a child to nursery was bad parenting.

Goodness! How pendulum swings.

It must be the norm now, whereas when mine were young, going back to work or study before the youngest child started school was very unusual.

No-one should be made to fee guilty for their choices.

Of course her child wont be deprived how ridiculous. Maybe some of those responding are envious that this particular mum is able to be a stay at home mum for longer than they were able.

I am afraid that Ops description of the thread is not at all how I see it. There were a range of different opinions mostly supportive.

I've just had a quick look at the thread but haven't read it all. The few answers I've read seem quite supportive and reassuring and the Mum asking the question does seem to have a very high level of anxiety.
From what she says, her child might benefit from spending some time at a nursery or with a grandparent so that she does not end up becoming as anxious as the mother.

My DD’s friend decided to stay at home until her children started primary school partly because she had 1 child followed closely by an unplanned set of twins and couldn’t afford childcare. She coped well but found that all the mums she knew went back to work which made it hard for her to find people to socialise with. Things have changed so much over the years. I was a SAHM but sent mine to a nursery from 2 and a half for 2 mornings a week just for the experience of a different environment and to prepare them for school.

And it's ok to be anxious, I was really anxious, and reading MN was very helpful.

Mine went to playgroup or part-time nursery which was attached to the primary school from the age of 3 and loved it. But it was just 2.5 hours per day.

Galaxy

And it's ok to be anxious, I was really anxious, and reading MN was very helpful.

I think most of us are anxious with a first child.

I think it also depends on the child. My eldest was very shy and happier at home and only went to play school, as it was then, twice a week. Youngest by comparison was quick to learn, very forward looking and needed to be stretched more and went four times a week and loved it.

I cant find the thread in mumsnet

Could anybody send it to me, please?

I think one difference is that there used to be lots of other stay at home mums for mothers and children to socialise with. Now most mothers are at work all day.

Our generation didn’t have nurseries, child care or indeed any other facilities to drop our children off to.
We stayed at home with mum until we were 5 yrs old and had a lovely relaxed infancy. We weren’t played with non-stop or entertained with gadgets, toys or companions and just made our own games up with a ball or Dolly , making mud pies in the garden and make believe games . I could read before I went to school (two big brothers taught me) and I wrote ‘letters’ to teddy, or mum or dad. Colouring books were a favourite pastime and a trip to the park.
We didn’t have activities or clubs or mother and baby groups.

I’m not knocking nurseries as they offer a lot but time with mum is so important in those early years.

Bear in mind too the many children born during lockdown who didn't have the opportunity to socialise with other mums and babies because of the covid restrictions. My friend's little GS was born right at the very beginning of the first lockdown and she thinks this is partly why he is so shy and timid. He's just started school nursery, but thankfully seems to be settling in quite well. Her daughter has a friend with a little girl born around the same time and she point blank refused to set foot in the nursery and is a very clingy child - again, her mum thinks this is because she really didn't see anyone outside her very immediate family during lockdown, so didn't get the normal experiences she would have had as a baby.

I stayed at home for nearly 5 years with my son and felt a little smug, convinced that I had done the right thing. Having seen how my granddaughter has thrived and blossomed since being at nursery from one year old , I’ve got to admit that I’ve changed my mind. It’s incredibly expensive but she loves it, although I’m sure that it does depend on the child.

lots of studies done on this, there is postives and minuses with both situations.i would come down on a mix of nursery and caregiver, but that is just my opinion.

My grandchildren go to nursery. Both mums are medical professionals who are hard working enough without being made to feel guilty for not being stay at home mums. The children adore their nursery, have learned so much and are happy rounded children. Their time with their parents is also precious and happy. If for example all NHS working new mums were made to feel that nursery was second best and the best thing for their children were to be a stay at home mum, can you imagine the outcry as waiting lists lengthened and careers were cut short?

What can be better than a mother's care in a child's early life, nurseries are a necessary alternative in our current lifestyle, but I know if I was given the choice when all my children were small I would have stayed at home with them till they went to school.

I stayed at home and my 3rd child went to Nursery in the mornings, twice a week to start with and up to 5 mornings as he got older. I felt he got the best of both worlds and I got some time just to be me rather than Mum.
With my first 2 children, I worked. My Mum looked after my daughter and she went to nursery. One was in the morning, the other in the afternoon and she was happy at them for the most part. My firstborn son was a totally different kettle of fish. I worked from when he was 12 weeks old and my Mum had him until it was time to start nursery. He wasn't having any of it and screamed continuously until he was sick so they suggested he was too young. I gave up work to look after him as my stepfather died and my mother couldn't cope but when it came time for him to start play school, he was just the same, screaming until he was sick. Eventually, they suggested I stay with him and gradually leave him. It took months to settle him and each time we had a school holiday, he regressed. It was only when he was getting ready to go to secondary school, the health visitor got him help and things settled down a little bit. He still had days when his anxiety about school became unbearable but we just had to make the best of it.
I don't think there is a right way or a wrong way but I do wonder whether a lot of the problems we have with children's mental health is because children who aren't ready for nursery school have to go because both their parents have to work. Quite honestly, I think my second born would have been damaged for life if we had forced him to go.

The notion that the same circumstances suit every child has always been mistaken, and for many children gradual introduction to nursery or child minder seems desirable. Sadly, the need for most mothers to be in paid employment means this is impossible for many families. And what about the staggered start at primary school? Impossible demands on families as children start first for a half day, then a half day with lunch, and eventually after as much as three weeks, a full day finishing at 3.00 pm. Definitely not designed with working mothers in mind!

I made a decision to stay at home with my children until they went to full time school. I dont feel that I deprived them in anyway. We were out every day come rain or shine. We went to the library, museums, childrens groups etc..
I dont believe either way is right or wrong, its more about what you are presented with at the time - I felt we were somewhat lucky that we could afford for me to stay home with the children.
After my exhusband and I divorced it was a very different story and I was basically working to pay for childcare.
We do we have to do at the time and we try to do the best we can for the children. Its hard enough without being judged for every decision we make.

I stayed at home with both of my sons but we’re in military life so I became a child minder so I was still earning. My grandkids have all done or are doing nurseries my youngest granddaughter is 2 lockdown baby. And she has been in nursery since a baby and she is fully out of nappies she can write her name she is so advanced for her age definitely not shy but my son and daughter inlaw are both in the military daughter inlaw didn’t want me to childcare she said you are nanna not nanny. I’ve babysat a few times but it’s not a regular thing only if they having a night out etc

I like the idea that parents keep youngsters out of nursery till 3 yrs old. No harm done from not socializing, learning etc - so those statements are flimsy to me.

(Some mothers just want the kids out of the house for a while.)

Plus, the minute you put them in a school or nursery they start getting sick. Three yr olds in school will get sick too so it really can’t be avoided.

The issue is whether a family can afford early nursery. Not everyone can. Sometimes is may be a savings on the budget NOT to send child out.
USA Gundy