Feeling overwhelmed

I'm so sorry you are dealing with/feeling like this. If it's any consolation, I am feeling the same. Life has spiralled out of control. However this is about you not me. Is there someone you can talk to? Do you have a friend or someone? I'm sure someone will be along here to give you more helpful advice than I can.

farview I can’t read and run. I am so sorry that you are in these circumstances and you need to look after yourself.
Perhaps a family conference to let them know you are not coping, and ask them to help you. If they can’t help practically, can they help you with a little bit of time off, to visit the hairdresser etc.
Talk to your GP about what help you can access.
Best wishes.

farview, we have to adjust as we go along, depending on our circumstances and our state of health (mental and physical). We all need a break and/or change of routine sometimes. You can't be Superwoman - and neither can I. I know, I've tried in the past and ended up just frazzled.

At almost 70, I don't have the energy or stamina I used to. I'd never vacuum the whole house at once. A couple of rooms and I'm done. I have shopping delivered and limit my time with grandchildren. If my grandson is staying, he walks the dog in the mornings.

My windows are not clean and I'm thinking of getting a window cleaner, maybe somebody to cut the grass and hedges, too. Neighbours have always had help with these things - and a cleaner too.

The house never was perfect, yet still, I've lowered my standards these days, to suit my energy levels - and great lack of interest or motivation. Nobody else cares if the place is tidy, after all.

So, it's time to make some changes, ask for help - and maybe spend your own money to make your life easier and less stressful.

Oh farview - so sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. I love your name - is that a reflection of the stunning views from your house ? You are lucky to have that….
TBH you are doing far too much - no wonder you feel the way you do. I don’t know what your financial position is. Why don’t you employ someone to do all the jobs that need doing? Just a handyman. You can supervise and give him directions. You are obviously very good at d.I.y. (I can’t even hammer a nail in the wall) but you need to ease a bit. None of us are getting younger.
Sorry about your H. Its hard…..hope you feel better soon

Poor you, sadness coming at a hundred miles an hour and expecting you can do what you did ten or twenty years ago. I hesitate to ask, but is the dog an essential? Or the grandchildren? Maybe they are, in which case something else will have to go because there aren’t enough hours in the day for you to do everything to your own high standards. I am not surprised you are exhausted as well as sad; perhaps some sort of family discussion is needed? Looking after your husband is hard and you need to look after yourself. Is your family so used to you coping that they don’t see how tough things have become? I hope you can share your feelings with someone close to the situation who could help.

Kate1949 - hope things work out for you and you feel better soon

I’m so sorry Farview, you have a lot on your plate so don’t be afraid to have a moan here. I do think you need to have an honest talk with your family and see what help they can offer, also your GP. Do you have local friends you could walk the dog with? Sometimes just a chat in the open air can help. You work so hard, I do think you need some time for you. Take care.

Thank you. farview Could your grandson be of some help to you? I'm sure you would have thought of all possibilities.

Fairview

You have too much on your plate
So sorry for your loss and bad news about your sister.

What can you do to put some time aside juat for you?

How old is gs living with you? Can he do laundry and house work?

Babysitting- how often does ir happen?

Your husband - are you his carer?

Or other family members maybe?

In amongst your struggles, farview, you are doing your best. You can still appreciate the views, you can still walk the dog, and you can still prepare meals. You're not losing the plot, but you have had to deal with unhappy news which is hard.
Start with a hair appointment to feel better. Sit in a café with a drink for an hour. Walk the dog somewhere new. Don't be hard on yourself.
I hope things improve for you.

It's all happening at once, farview, no wonder you feel overwhelmed.

Is the cocker spaniel a rescue? They can be very lively and hard work but perhaps he will get you out of the house and away from everything for a time each day.

Windows? Clean the one with the best view. Then sit and have a coffee and enjoy the view.

How old is your grandson? Can he sort his own washing? Even teenagers are capable of doing more than they think they can!

Can you do an online shop? We find going to the supermarket quite exhausting now so often still have an online shop, it's delivered and put away in 15 minutes.

Can you talk to your DH about getting the house pointed? That is probably essential maintenance. Dealing with someone with Alzheimer's is exhausting too.

You're expecting too much of yourself, decide what you can manage and get your family to help.

Be kind to yourself or, as they say, put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others.

And Kate1949 too.
Sometimes everything seems overwhelming and then it's time to stop and sort out what is essential and what isn't.

Farview my heart goes out to you it really does and I totally understand your stress. You have a lot to cope with and it’s taking its toll on you that is obvious.
We have a delicate family problem that we thought had gone away but just recently it has emerged again. It totally knocked me back into stress and worry as it’s a situation as a mum I find difficult to deal with. It’s not like me I usually have the answer to everything full of advice which is well meant but straight talking I feel lost for words right now.
I advise you to take the advice given here with good intention. You really do need to look after yourself in order to look after others and prioritise what is important. I hope it helps you and your situation and I wish you well keep in touch here too.

I really feel your pain.
As we get older I think we look forward to a slowing down of things, instead of which, for some of us the opposite seems true
But you are on treadmill. First of all you need to spend some money, if your home is in better order, your head will be in better order. Get the windows cleaned, maybe get a cleaner a few hours a week.
What is the issue with the heating? If you’re cold, you’ll be miserable, try and sort something out before winter sets in.
You’ve certainly got too much on your plate, but I think you will cope better if you take over the finances, and get a few things seen to.

So much good advice here and I feel letting the family know how it’s all becoming too much for you might be a good idea as they’re so used to you coping so well that it’s never occurred to them that it’s now not so easy. Employing help with maintenance despite your H’s reluctance to spend could make life more comfortable for you for a start. Your recent news has knocked you back emotionally too. As you can see, there is so much sympathy and support on here - you are not alone. Keep strong, consider advice and keep us all informed as I’m sure we’ll all be hoping there’ll be ways you can lessen your burden.

So sorry Farview. Do you have power of attorney? If not try and get it set up if your DH is still well enough and will agree.
I find very small things help like a good coffee, doing my hair and a walk. Then I can make decisive plans.
Please ask for help from your family and GP and local services.
Wishing you all the best.

*Farview, apart from all the comments already made, You should not underestimate the effect on you of losing someone who has been close to you for nearly all your life.

Last year a close friend died suddenly. We had only been close for 45 years! but her death devastated me and made me sad and low for many months, even writing abut it now brings tears to my eyes, so do not underestimate the efffect this sudden death wil have on you. That in itself wii make you feel overwhelmed and sad.. My deepest condolences to you.

As others have said, dig in your toes, speak to your family and reduce what you do. Too muchof what you say you do is self-imposed not needed. There is no need to vacuum more than once a week.

In current circumstances, what possessed you to get a dog? Can it be rehomed?

Farview, I think this is the question:

Is your family so used to you coping that they don’t see how tough things have become?

You must tell them "in words of one syllable" how you are struggling... and then you must accept help.

I know this is tough. I was that person. When everything goes wrong at once it is overwhelming and we don't always have the strength and energy to deal with on our own.

Thinking of you. 💐
If people are supportive (even in small ways) it will make a big difference to how you feel.

I hope things improve soon. 🙏

Just a simple hug Farview

I am sorry things are overwhelming, farview.

Lots of good advice re telling your family but can I ask if you have had contact with AgeUk, Alzheimer's Society, Social Services.

Can you 'buy in' help - cleaning, windows, painting etc. Have you done a benefits check - AgeUk can help qith that as can CAB.

Please don't struggle alone.

Lots of good advice, I agree, you don’t need to be a one woman cleaning, shopping, caring, DIY machine.
I assume you have volunteered to do so much “granny duty” but surely you need to put your foot down and prioritise.
You need to get someone in to do the pointing, window cleaning, help with the cleaning don’t you?
You sound exhausted and in need of support, have you thought of just ringing Samaritans to offload your sadness ? You don’t need to feel suicidal to benefit from a listening ear.

You have had two lots of bad news this week. Enough for anyone.

You need some help. Even if say for only one month.
Think around your friends and family as to who has energy to come and help you, is willing, and has even a small amount of time.

FarviewI am sending you a 🤗 ,same age as you,I can empathise how life can overwhem you so you feel like you are sinking,especially if you are used to being very capable and the go to person for all.
I agree with suggestions already made but just wanted to give you a hug