Gransnet forums


The other in laws .Are you alike or different.?

(58 Posts)
kircubbin2000 Thu 14-Sep-23 16:27:23

Just thinking about the 2 we see most often. They live nearby and we meet at Christmas and birthdays.Both dress casually and are usually found at home, watching football, shopping or visiting friends. Easy to get on with although not that much in common apart from the children.
Gran and grandad 2 ,very different. Educated and very busy in their clubs and business life. London based and found at the theatre, on their boat ,at a grand banquet as he is top man in his club.I feel a bit intimidated by her and she has the kids well under control. Nice couple.
Gran and Grandad 3.
Another nice couple but I'm glad they live abroad. Very formal, designer dressed,kids must succeed at the top schools.Importance given to wealth and position. Not casual at all.Don't speak English.

Isn't it nice the children have met nice partners.

Beechnut Thu 14-Sep-23 16:41:09

They aren’t in my life anymore but we were different. They were educated and she often made a comment on something I was wearing in an odd sort of way.

Nannarose Thu 14-Sep-23 17:02:38

Goodness, they are all varied, aren't they?

Our lot were our neighbours for all of our children's lives! We were very friendly in a neighbourly way, but not great friends; and remain the same - they are lovely people, and I am so glad that our GCs have them.

The other GC has no other grandparents. They had their daughter when relatively old and died before we met her. I sometimes look up at the photo of her mum and say 'I'm doing my best to look after her, but not take your place'. I actually have a feeling that they were rather exacting parents - DiL is a high achiever - and might have found us a bit 'laissez faire'. but I do know that DiL appreciates all we do, which is lovely.

Grandmabatty Thu 14-Sep-23 17:50:02

We have a polite relationship but we are very different and only get on superficially.

ginny Thu 14-Sep-23 19:34:51

3 DDs.
DD1 has a FIL but he moved to Thailand several years ago and they haven’t seen him since. We met him a few times but he is very different to us and indeed his son.
DD2 not applicable as she is single.
DD3 has MIL and FIL. We meet up at some family dos and get on perfectly well. We don’t socialise otherwise with them. They are quite different to us, more serious and a bit fussy. They seem to love our DD so they will do as far as I’m concerned.

Grandmadinosaur Thu 14-Sep-23 20:12:59

Same situation as Grandmabatty

Grammaretto Thu 14-Sep-23 21:00:22

Interesting thought. DiL#1 has no parents alive but has close siblings. She has never looked to me as a mum.

DiL2 lost her dad recently as has my son lost his, ofcourse. We grans live at other ends of the country and our DGC is in NZ. I have only met her on a few occasions but hear about her. We are very proud grans.

DiL3 is very close to her DP who have had a lot to do with the DGC. They are nice and if we lived nearer, we would be friends. They love my son which pleases me.

DD married the boy next door (almost)
I like his parents and see them socially. They are younger and fitter than me and are super DGP. I think DD is lucky.

I wouldn't say any are like us in personality but similar backgrounds and values.

M0nica Thu 14-Sep-23 21:00:26

Only one of our DC is married and in our case, the two, quite small families have become one.

We live 200 miles apart, but when we visit DS and family we stay with his MiL who was widowed when her children were at infant school and has not remarried. We have been on holiday together and she has stayed with us.

All three of us(DH, Ds'sMiL, and I) have very different backgrounds, different lives and different incomes, but we have shared values and a similar approach to life. She is also 7 years older than us.

We have been so fortunate. Our parent's also got on well, although again their lives were very different and when DFiL died, DMiL stayed with my parents several times and they delighted in her company.

aonk Thu 14-Sep-23 22:34:35

We have 1 DS and 3 DDs.
DS in laws don’t live locally. They are ok but we have little in common with them especially the FIL who goes to the pub all the time and says very little.
DD1 has older in laws. They are kind people. They love reading and the opera, theatre etc. We see them occasionally and get on well. Again very little in common.
DD2’s in laws live quite near. They’re 10 years older than us and still busy in their jobs. We spent Christmas with them last year and got on very well.
We hardly know DD3’s in laws. They went to live abroad about 10 years ago and we haven’t seen them for a very long time although they do come and visit twice a year. We have nothing at all in common with them and they are drinkers which we most certainly are not!

maddyone Thu 14-Sep-23 23:44:32

Our first son’s wife has lost both her parents, although we met her mother several times before she died. She was pleasant and a little shy. She loved her family very much and was loved in return. She was nice to our son and he to her.
Our second son’s partner has very pleasant parents who are a bit older than us and so they travel less and seem to have a quieter lifestyle. They live in a different area and so we only meet them when they are visiting our son and his partner, but that means about once or twice a year, usually birthdays or Christmas. One year we all four were invited to spend a week in a house in France that our son had taken with his partner and our grandson. The other parents didn’t want to drive abroad and so they drove up to us and left their car on our drive and we did the driving. It was a lovely week all together and especially with our little grandson.
Our daughter had parents in law who were not much like us, but we were always polite with them when we saw them at birthdays and so on. After our daughter’s marriage collapsed I decided I don’t want anything to do with the parents again for a number of reasons, but eventually and finally because the mother told my daughter to’f… off.’

CanadianGran Thu 14-Sep-23 23:46:31

Interesting discussion.

DD1 has 2 sets, since her DH's parents divorced and remarried. His mum is a bit of a hippy free spirit, partner is a fishing charter operator. Lovely people. SIL's dad and partner are retired, active golfers, and have a second home quite far away so we don't see them often. We see both sets at DD1's house occasionally, but have never had them to ours, or been to theirs.

DS2 has FIL living in town, single divorced and quite involved in their family. We regularly have him around for family dinners. DIL doesn't see her mum very often as she lives in another province.

DS3 just recently married, DIL's parents are lovely and fun to be around. DS3 and DIL have just announce pregnancy, and I have a feeling that they will be more involved in day to day with grandchildren than us, as she is close to her mum.

nanna8 Fri 15-Sep-23 00:29:52

We are on cordial terms with the 2 remaining parents of our children but we don’t see them often. As to my own MIL, she was very different and we got on ok but not much in common. Long gone now and, looking back, she was a good woman who brought up her 2 sons alone just after the war because my FIL died in 1945. Destined to be alone - we emigrated and the other son had nothing much to do with her.

kittylester Fri 15-Sep-23 07:23:21

We have an assortment!!

DS1 married while living in Japan so we only met his parent's in law at the wedding. He is now divorced.

DS2's wife had a mother in law who was a nightmare and contributed to the breakdown of that relationship. His partner's parents live close to us and are friendly but her mother is quite determined!!!

DD1 married someone who grew up in this village. His fayher died when he was in his mid teens and his mother has now moved to the coast. We have a good relationship with her though little in common apart from the dgc.

DD2's parents in law were huge fun but sadly both recently died. Her husband has embraced being part of our family and is one of my favourite sons in law.

DD3 has been married twice and both sets of in laws are a nightmare. Luckily, they have no contact with the first set and the second set live abroad and never come to the UK.

I really hope that we are kind, loving and helpful inlaws.

Grammaretto Fri 15-Sep-23 08:00:45

kittylester I had to smile when I read

DS2's wife had a mother-in-law who was a nightmare...

It made me wonder what the in-laws think of me!
At DDs wedding I told her new DH that he was my first SiL. "And you're my first MiL" came the reply!

GrannyGravy13 Fri 15-Sep-23 08:05:05

We get on with three sets of in-laws extremely well, like minded in lots of ways (which I suppose is why our children get on so well)

One has just one parent left, see at Christmas & birthdays occasionally, nothing in common.

One is single.

One has no surviving parents.

harrigran Fri 15-Sep-23 08:22:02

Both of SIL's parents died when he was a teenager but I think we would have got on well if they were anything like him.
DIL's parents live at the other end of the country so we rarely meet. They are well educated and enjoy a good social life in their very nice village. Adventurous holidays feature highly but they do not come up north very often. Nothing to dislike about them except they seem to give preference to GSs from DIL's sibling.

FindingNemo15 Fri 15-Sep-23 08:36:54

Both sets from DDs two marriages - totally different. Nothing in common at all.

Doodledog Fri 15-Sep-23 08:57:38

We only have one set of ILs. We met at the wedding, and they seem very nice, but we don't see them, as they live miles away. They are younger than us, and I don't think we have lot in common, but that's ok, as it's not a close relationship.

Our son arranged a Big Night Out in the spring for all of us (he and DIL, the ILs and us). I couldn't attend because of illness, but Mr D went, and said it was a great night. My own parents and ILs rarely saw one another, and that seemed natural as doing so would have had to be by arrangement because of the distance.

My ILs made a good job of bringing up their daughter, who makes our son happy, so I like them for that grin

kittylester Fri 15-Sep-23 09:22:47

Calli well I am!!! grin Though not as bad as DS2's MIL.

Bella23 Fri 15-Sep-23 12:22:37

As different as chalk and cheese.

kircubbin2000 Fri 15-Sep-23 16:27:52

At my daughter's wedding the drunk best man confided in me. He said 'you know J has had girlfriends before but when we met S we told him strongly that he couldn't let this one escape!'

annodomini Fri 15-Sep-23 16:51:10

One pair of in-laws are now deceased. I liked them very much and was really upset when first she and, later he, became very ill and died. Another son's MiL lives far away so I don't see her often. When we do meet, we don't appear to have much in common except our mutual grandsons.

Juggernaut Fri 15-Sep-23 18:22:00

We have an only child, so only one set of 'other' in laws.
They are nothing at all like us, in any way, and we're sure that they dislike us just as much as we dislike them!

LauraNorderr Fri 15-Sep-23 21:00:58

‘DS2’s wife had a mil who was a nightmare ‘

Don’t be so hard on yourself Kitty 😂

Callistemon21 Fri 15-Sep-23 21:54:44


Calli well I am!!! grin Though not as bad as DS2's MIL.

Who - me?
I didn't say anything!!

I've had practice 🤐