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The other in laws .Are you alike or different.?

(59 Posts)
kircubbin2000 Thu 14-Sep-23 16:27:23

Just thinking about the 2 we see most often. They live nearby and we meet at Christmas and birthdays.Both dress casually and are usually found at home, watching football, shopping or visiting friends. Easy to get on with although not that much in common apart from the children.
Gran and grandad 2 ,very different. Educated and very busy in their clubs and business life. London based and found at the theatre, on their boat ,at a grand banquet as he is top man in his club.I feel a bit intimidated by her and she has the kids well under control. Nice couple.
Gran and Grandad 3.
Another nice couple but I'm glad they live abroad. Very formal, designer dressed,kids must succeed at the top schools.Importance given to wealth and position. Not casual at all.Don't speak English.

Isn't it nice the children have met nice partners.

pinkprincess Fri 15-Sep-23 23:10:51

I cannot mention anything about DS's two sets of in laws as it would ''out'' me in not a nice way.
As for my own in laws, I never knew my FIL as he had died before I met DH. My MIL was a nightmare, her one redeeming feature was she was loved by my DC, they always were happy to see her, she was very kind to them.

Witzend Sat 16-Sep-23 10:58:14

DD’s lovely MiL is nothing like me* - she’s one of those people who never sit down - always busy doing something useful.

I don’t mind admitting to being a thoroughly lazy baggage - one reason I enjoy knitting is that it’s a sitting-down job. Plus of course it does eventually produce something, though nowadays I only make things that are actively wanted or needed.

HeavenLeigh Sat 16-Sep-23 11:20:06

As different as chalk and cheese here

Gundy Sat 16-Sep-23 11:26:15

I think it’s best to just be civil and respectful towards the other in-laws. If you’re not fond of them and think they are kooks or weird, they’re sitting there thinking the same of you!

In a few hours it will all be over and you can go home. Just be nice for the sake of the kids.
USA Gundy

Jane43 Sat 16-Sep-23 11:42:52

DS1 has been married to his second wife for 25 years, DIL’s parents were divorced when they married and DIL was closer to her father than her mother so we saw more of him, he was a lovely man and sadly died 4 years ago. DIL’s mother died recently but had very little contact with DIL and her grandchildren for about 10 years, the younger grandchildren didn’t really know her. DS2 has been married for 31 years, his MIL and FIL were married for 62 years when his FIL died in January. Over the years we have become close to DIL’s family and are always invited to family celebrations, we feel lucky to have them in our lives.

GrammaH Sat 16-Sep-23 11:44:10

DS's in laws are a lovely couple, a bit younger than us. They have 4 other GC apart from our mutual 2 & they are very hands on with them. They are very easy going & dress extremely casually which seemed strange at first when they arrived at DS's 21st many years ago in T shirts & jeans & we were all formally dressed as it was a smart venue. It was the first time we'd met them & we were a bit taken aback. However, they are very friendly & extremely kind although we don't see them very often. Our ex in laws - parents of DD's ex - were very hard work. He definitely had a very inflated ego, thought he was the bee's knees & that our DD wasn't good enough. His wife was in his shadow, it was quite sad really. He made a fuss about the wedding & made both bride & groom very anxious beforehand as he wanted a bigger marquee as he thought his friends wouldn't appreciate the one we'd chosen. He wanted prosecco not the Pimms the couple had chosen & supplied his own. Not a very nice man at all. We miss his son who was a lovely chap but definitely not his father!

GrammarGrandma Sat 16-Sep-23 11:51:15

We have three daughters and three lots, two of in-laws, one of out-laws. Educational levels all the same. Outlaws very pleasant and politically aligned with us but are interested in maths and sciences rather than humanities and the arts like us. We get on fine. 2nd daughter's in-laws we are closest to, really lovely people and totally in accord over Europe. 3rd daughter's in-laws also lovely people but the opposite to us politically and on Europe. We get on fine if we steer clear of those topics. We are lucky.

hicaz46 Sat 16-Sep-23 12:00:39

One set are my ex husband and his now wife. We have spent time with them even occasionally staying with them and see them at family events. Second set are lovely, different from my partner and we have also stayed with them. Again see at family get togethers. Sons in laws we don’t see so much but always friendly when we do. Lucky to get on with them all.

ParlorGames Sat 16-Sep-23 12:06:12

Other than the grandchildren I have nothing in common with 'the in-laws'. We exchange Christmas cards and chat if we meet at family events, other than that we just don't mix bur we all know that should we need help and support we only have to ask.

Nannashirlz Sat 16-Sep-23 12:30:39

My sons first wife’s family got on really well. His 2nd well her dad and his partner get on well with her mum well not even dil gets on with her and her 2nd hubby 🤣 she is a me me me lol and my other sons inlaws dad is quiet stays home her mum we go to day outs with grandson and step grandson together with my son and her daughter. It doesn’t matter if you get on or not it’s if you can be friendly in front of your grandkids when need to be.

cupcake1 Sat 16-Sep-23 12:33:27

DD’s partner is South African his parents have never visited the U.K. and his mum died last year. We never got to meet either of them. DS1 wife’s parents are lovely we see them birthdays Christmas etc and although not like us and a bit older have the same values and morals and we get on really well. DS2 partner has lost both parents who we unfortunately never met.

jocork Sat 16-Sep-23 13:02:49

My DiL is from a lovely family and I get on well with her parents. I'm probably closer to them than some members of my own family as we have more in common. During the week before our offspring's wedding we stayed together in the house they were going to be living in - the couple were still living in their previous homes - so I got to know them fairly well while busy sewing bunting and picking flowers for bouquets amongst other wedding preparations. On the last night DiL came to stay in the house with her parents and I'd planned to sleep at the home of a friend of my DD but one of their relatives couldn't come last minute so I was gifted a hotel room which had already been paid for! As a result I met other members of the family too. It's lovely feeling fully part of the family!

Bluedaisy Sat 16-Sep-23 13:15:22

It must be so nice to have lovely in laws as quite a few of you have. We only have one DS and always hoped he’d meet a lovely girl with a lovely family as many of our family have sadly passed now and it would of been great for him to have had BIL’s / DSIL’s etc one day when we pass on. If DS stays with his wife they will sadly be mostly alone. DS in laws are the vilest people I’ve ever had the misfortune to meet. The mother is a fully blown narcissistic sociopath and the husband, her other daughter and son in law are enablers! I tried to get on with them at the first couple of meetings but apparently she doesn’t like anyone else in her life only her own children and their partners and grandchildren. She’s obsessed with controlling them. She blew off her other daughter in law’s husbands mother, poor woman has never met her 4 grandchildren. She blew off her own MIL & FIL and brother & sister in law, her own sister and family and did her upmost to get rid of myself & husband out of our sons life! Unfortunately for her she met her match with me as I saw through the whole family upon first meeting them. I firmly told my son that there was no way she was coming between us & him. We had some awful times over the years caused by her and her husband and I will never talk to them again as long as I live. Fortunately my DIL realised she was a narcissist years ago and couldn’t stand her own family either and hadn’t spoke to them for many years due to their behaviour. The one I feel sorry for is my DGS but at least he’s not influenced by their vile ways I suppose.

4allweknow Sat 16-Sep-23 13:44:19

GP 1 not really GPs as DD and SiL no children. Inlaws very down to earth and have since separated. Have never had much contact as live quite a bit away.
2nd GPs. Only one parent left. Both however well educated with no frills. Rather too keen on nationality for me but have a fair relationship with the remaining one when we meet, which is occasionally.
3rd In laws. Very, very well off. However, they worked for it all and the wealth is in the background albeit no expense spared when doing anything eg renovations to recent house purchase (with orchard). No frills attitude and very welcoming. Again distance means few meet ups.
Real mix of characters and backgrounds in family now.

Madmeg Sat 16-Sep-23 15:06:58

We have two DDs and two SILs. The elder and family live about 25 miles away and we see them a couple of times a month. Her In-laws live round the corner and see a lot more of them. We meet all together 3-4 times a year especially at Christmas and birthdays. We get along fine. Not saying best friends but they are a very polite couple and have a fascinating knack of remembering everything you have ever told them, so conversation flows easily. They love the GC as we do. Sadly their DD died in her thirties, married but no children, so we are pleased they have our GC. Our younger DD lives 200 miles away and SIL's parents another hundred, so we have only met them twice!! We got on okay. Younger pair have no children - just starting with IVF. All the in-laws are similar ages, similar lifestyles, similar outlook on life. We consider ourselves very lucky.

Norah Sat 16-Sep-23 15:16:55

Chalk and Cheese. We're always polite and reticent.

Yiayia4 Sat 16-Sep-23 15:29:50

We get on at family occasions but have nothing in common with any of them.We have a totally different lifestyle and try and try and enjoy life as much as possible.I don’t think they approve of us.!

grandtanteJE65 Sat 16-Sep-23 16:04:00

DIL is estranged from her parents, so I have no idea what they are like, having never met them.

From what she says, which is very little, we are totally different from them, and I suspect we would not get on at all if we ever should meet.

seadragon Sat 16-Sep-23 16:13:44

Neither DD nor DS have married although we have 2 DGS's and one DGD. We found it odd that eldest DGS's DM only invited us round a couple of times in 18 years and never introduced us to meet her DF - (nor did DS's next partner in 7 years). DGD's DF was not interested and made no contact or contribution and younger DGS's DF's family have frequent huge family gatherings which we find overwhelming. Fortunately we live many hundreds of miles apart and the pandemic also meant our visits to the area were few and far between.... They also have very different values, priorities and aspirations and are all business people whereas our side are all public servants, mainly in Health & Social Care.... We are all also Scottish and they are all English. These differences have led to many distressing fallings out and DD decided to separate from DGD's dad 5 years ago. It is now looking like she may move back to Scotland with DGD although this will mean leaving DGS with his DF....

annsixty Sat 16-Sep-23 16:13:53

Both my AC have broken marriages but when they were each together with former spouses we had nothing at all in common with one set and very little with the others.
However the second set we did meet up with occasionally and politeness ruled and we were fine.
The first set we never met after the wedding.
All four and my H are dead now, I am the last survivor 😗

Greyduster Sat 16-Sep-23 16:42:54

We only met my DiL’s mother at their wedding when sadly she was in the throes of dementia and had no idea what was going on, but she was a very sweet lady even then. Her father had died. I don’t know how well we would have got on - he was a high ranking police officer and we would have moved in different circles, as indeed we did with DD’s in laws. He was a self made man with a number of serious achievements behind him, and considerable influence at our university. We invited them to dinner in order to meet them and had a jolly evening. We met a few times thereafter at their house and ours and they were sociable, easy and kind, but it was not the kind of relationship you would want to foster. Unfortunately he died before my grandson could get to know him which is a shame.

SachaMac Sat 16-Sep-23 17:25:15

I occasionally meet my eldest daughters mil who I have known for years and have more in common with for the occasionally lunch or coffee. I only see the others at birthday parties etc and then it’s just polite (sometimes a little awkward) small talk and then we go out separate ways and don’t meet up again until the next birthday party. Unless you really hit it off and have lots in common it’s probably better that way.

I don’t think in laws mix as much now, not like they did years ago.

HelterSkelter1 Sat 16-Sep-23 17:50:24

I wonder if any of you are the " other in laws". I mean your children are married to other gransnetters children on this thread!!!

Callistemon21 Sat 16-Sep-23 18:16:24


I wonder if any of you are the " other in laws". I mean your children are married to other gransnetters children on this thread!!!

Oh! To see ourselves as others see us!

Romola Sat 16-Sep-23 18:40:11

Wat a funny thought, HelterSkelter! Maybe the world of Gransnet is smaller than we think 🤔 😕 😅
Both our AC married foreigners, but both SiL (Western European cagey I know, sorry) and DiL (Antipodean) chose to live on this landmass. Neither couple lives near us, but we, just me now, keep in close touch.
As for the AC's inlaws, or outlaws as DH used to say, we have stayed with both in their respective countries, and they have stayed with us and we get on fine. Both sets are close to their AC.