Christmas and sons dad

If your kids are so concerned about their father having a lonely Christmas they can hit M and S and take Christmas to him. No way would I be entertaining this idea!
And if they all go in the huff that is their problem... it would not be mine.

When my husband and I divorced both of us remarried, I had another child with my second husband, he just had stepchildren. Most Christmases and Easters were spent all together, I got on with my ex husband's new family and he got on well with my new family too. But this only works if everybody is on board with it, it simply won't work if even one person is unhappy with the situation. Your loyalty should be with your new husband but I do find it difficult to understand what his problem is. Maybe you could try a sit down conversation asking why he is unhappy with your ex coming.

Ex husband over current husband - can't see why there is any question. If son wants to see his dad - up to him to sort that out. Only reason to get ex & current together would be for a family drama - perhaps best avoided.

The thought of having to spend Christmas with my husband and ex husband sounds horrendous - tell your son you and your husband have decided to have a quiet Christmas on your own- it is only one day after all- I agree with the other posts your son is old enough to make his own arrangements!!

It is supposed to be the season of goodwill - my ex spent Christmas with my new husband and me - it was only for a few hours and everyone managed to be civilised for the sake of my son. It wasn't that easy but now that they are both dead I am very glad that we managed it. My son would have hated his father to be alone for Christmas. We scooped up a couple of other people who were on their own which diluted the situation.

What's your husband got against your ex? Would your ex feel comfortable coming to you when you're now married to someone else?

Your house - your decision ! Your son can choose where he spends Christmas. Either without his dad at yours, with his dad somewhere else, or on his own. He's 26. Why is your daughter making you feel guilty? Whe doesn't she have her father over for Christmas instead ? Do what you want to do. Don't be blackmailed, bullied by any of your family, and that includes your present husband.

Trouble is I know that my son will just be sitting there while my ex is either asleep or watching tv which is the hard bit. And my ex will make NO effort to have a good day . Yes I know my son is 26 but still feel for him.

His choice not for you to worry about. Your son is welcome at yours but not with his dad in toe. End of.

Well I think your husband comes first his feelings, your sons dad is an ex there’s no way I would be inviting him, it’s ludicrous. Not your problem, and your son should realise this.

Your home and your husbands . You shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable in your home….your son has no say and cannot tell you who to invite . He needs to grow up at 26.

Nanny56
I’d definitely say no, I wouldn’t give any reason, seems your husband is going to get the blame for your ex not being invite. Tell your kids from the ex, I’m saying no as I don’t want to spend Christmas with him. Feel free to invite to your place, he’s no invited to my house!

I do think sometimes we need to ‘bite the bullet’ and this is one of those times. Yes I’d invite an ex particularly if my son asked. It’s only a few hours. Be the bigger person and pamper everyone. You are a mum and please be the bigger person. If your present husband is worth anything, he too will rise to the occasion and at least manage to be pleasant.

your son is an adult and you have been divorced many years so why should you invite your ex if your son wants to spend it with his dad then tell him so and just enjoy your Christmas with your husband

DaisyL

It is supposed to be the season of goodwill - my ex spent Christmas with my new husband and me - it was only for a few hours and everyone managed to be civilised for the sake of my son. It wasn't that easy but now that they are both dead I am very glad that we managed it. My son would have hated his father to be alone for Christmas. We scooped up a couple of other people who were on their own which diluted the situation.

The season of goodwill DaisyL??!! What a ridiculous comment. What about the season of goodwill towards Nanny56’s husband of the past 12 years?

O.M.G.no - does your son have his own place? Why not have his dad to lunch there, or maybe he could see if his dad(with or without son) could go to dads family? Or some of them come to his? I know that means son wont then be at yours christmas day lunch but maybe he could come (minus dad) to boxing day lunch instead? What about twin sister? Is she boycotting you as well or just giving her twin support but but still at yours at christmas lunch? Maybe she could have lunch then pop to dads/brothers for rest of day? Its really not up to you to sort your ex's christmas for him nor your adult childrens- what if you said yes & he meets a new 'girlfriend' by then and lets your twins down anyway at last minute? Unless you ALL get along well(&it doesnt sound like you do) then i would say no and maybe you & your current hubby could even go out to lunch or go to his family and let twins have lunch with their dad? Its just one christmas, just one day.Why should you bail your ex out?- i doubt he wants to come anyway.🤔

Your son is being really unfair…your ex is not your responsibility and if your son doesn’t understand that then he’s a spoiled brat. Your responsibility now is to stand united with your husband and if your son has a rubbish Christmas it’s too bad.

Absolutely no way would I invite him. Why should your husband have to put up with your previous bed partner on Christmas Day? (I’m trying to imagine how I’d feel if my husband asked if an ex wife could join us for Christmas!! It’s unthinkable!) If your children are so concerned, they can take him out for lunch - they should not expect you to feed him!

Why not suggest your son also has a lie-in till 11 and then hav lunch with his dad if he falls asleep etc he could leave him a note saying he got off & left his dad to rest or wake him & say "im off now dad, ill see you (whatever day) you get some rest" and then son can come to yours & have a nice time with you all.

I would suggest that your son and possibly also your daughter are close to using family blackmail and think that they have the right to dictate how your christmas will be , good or bad. Well they need to grow up mentally as well as physically. Dont dream of letting them blackmail you like this because you can bet your bottom dollar that they will continue with this disgraceful behaviour in years to come. if you let them dominate your christmas this year, They have no right to try and spoil your day like this and it is absolutely totally the opposite attitude to the way anyone should be celebrating Christmas. So personally I think you should be happy to be with a lovely husband and to share your day together and they can go and do as they want. You can calmly say you hope to see your children sometime over christmas and suggest they give you a ring sometime. Give as little response as possible, neither upset nor angry, just statement of fact and then do your best to stick to it and enjoy your own christmas and hope that your son may make a new years resolution not to try and force others to do what he wants rather than what they wish to do!! In fact I would also look and see if there is somewhere after christmas before new year, where you and your husband might like to go, whether it is to make up a lovely picnic and go and visit somewhere that was special to you both, or go to somewhere you have never been before, and make your own new memories. So you will have a lovely day, will not be around or available (and on no account answer the phone to either of them!) and oh that may quite surprise them to find you are not sitting there feeling miserable in any way so they can put that in their pipes and smoke it (oh thats something else they cant don!! Hope you have a very happy christmas with your husband and start the new year as you mean to go on, NOT being dictated to by your children. Good Luck

Im sensing a back story too- maybe a dad who likes a few drinks too many over christmas & thats why your current hubby doesnt want him round.(also could explain why the string of women?) I may be wrong- but theres a story somewhere.

I agree with Dragonfly - I bet the ex doesn’t even want to come. It’s strange that the Adult (?) Son is creating this drama.

Your husband comes first. Your kids have the option of coming at various times to have some Christmas cheer.

If your son shows up without his dad, he may be mopey and try to lay some guilt on you. Forget THAT!

I understand both sides, what a tricky situation.

Can you offer your son a compromise? Have brunch with Dad and come to yours after or stay at yours and then take Dad out for dinner?
Your son is old enough to understand that while you may not harbor any bad feelings towards each other, you are ex spouses and while you get on ok you don't want to spend time with each other.
BTW, what does your ex say about the suggestion? Maybe he wouldn't want to come to your place either and maybe he could talk to your son.

I think everyone, including most on this forum, are being very dramatic. It’s not “emotional blackmail” for a son to refuse to let his father be on his own. It’s actually the right thing for him to do. Why are your feelings more important than his for his dad? It will not break your heart if your son doesn’t spend the holiday with you. Will you react the same way if he wants to stay home with his nuclear family for Christmas if he gets married and has his own children?

Stand by your husband. Your son won’t die if he doesn’t get what he wants. When he has a spouse of his own he will understand why you can’t go against your husband. Life will go on for all involved. First world problems indeed

One of the things that has occurred to me is by saying that you don't mind but your husband does, you have rather put your husband in the firing line of your children. In future when these things come up, maybe it would be better to say you'll discuss it and get back to them. Then if it is a "no" then you can say, "We've agreed that." You have inadvertently allowed your children to triangulate you.

This son is 26 for heavens sake!
He does not need his mum to “make a fuss of him” either on Christmas Day or Boxing Day!

Trouble is I know that my son will just be sitting there while my ex is either asleep or watching tv which is the hard bit. And my ex will make NO effort to have a good day
Oh dear.
Those apron strings needed cutting a long time ago but I am sensing a doting mum and entitled man child.
So what if the ex watches TV all day ? If son doesn’t like it, he can go elsewhere or organise something himself.
Stop molly coddling him OP.