Christmas and sons dad

Having your ex round could lead to a totally embarrassing situation and be awkward all round, spoiling Christmas for everyone. Surely your ds and dd can see that! Can’t ex make his own arrangements without trying to guilt trip his son? coming to you is not an option.

My husband years ago, nagged me to invite his ex for Christmas because he wanted his daughter to come. He’d been divorced for over 25 years, in the end I agreed but never again. My Christmas was ruined, she wasn’t the sort to be my friend or that I could have a conversation with and I ended up doing all the work. I refused to do it again. My advise would be to say no your life is with your husband now you’re not responsible for your ex.

25Avalon

Having your ex round could lead to a totally embarrassing situation and be awkward all round, spoiling Christmas for everyone. Surely your ds and dd can see that! Can’t ex make his own arrangements without trying to guilt trip his son? coming to you is not an option.

What can’t a son spend time with his father on Christmas? Why should a father be on his own while a mother is surrounded by her husband and children? There is nothing wrong with a grown man not spending every single Christmas with mummy. If the situation were reversed, would anyone be accusing a mother of guilt tripping her son? Perhaps the son is being self-centered in trying to force his dad on the OP and her husband because he learned this selfish behavior. All involved can do with a bit more generosity of spirit and start thinking about others. Son should go to his dad’s. Op has her husband. No one should be made to feel guilty about spending time with family on Christmas.

RosiesMaw

This son is 26 for heavens sake!
He does not need his mum to “make a fuss of him” either on Christmas Day or Boxing Day!

Trouble is I know that my son will just be sitting there while my ex is either asleep or watching tv which is the hard bit. And my ex will make NO effort to have a good day
Oh dear.
Those apron strings needed cutting a long time ago but I am sensing a doting mum and entitled man child.
So what if the ex watches TV all day ? If son doesn’t like it, he can go elsewhere or organise something himself.
Stop molly coddling him OP.

This with bells on! Son is an adult. Give your answer and drop the issue.

Don't give in to emotional blackmail. It would cause nothing but trouble and leave you open to being blackmailed over and over again. What about other family events and next Christmas? You'd be expected to have him for those too. Believe me you'd be opening a proper can of worms and damage your relationship with your husband.

Why do you have to entertain your ex because he's on his own? How is that your problem? 'Ex' is the operative word here. If you didn't have children together, you would probably have never seen him again. Don't be bullied by your son and tell him that!!

Hi
My Partners son asked partner if We would go to his on Xmas day and how did he feel about his Mum going .. He said No.
I don’t feel it’s in to put Your partner in this position ..,Your son isn’t a little boy 🙁🙂

Your AC sounds like Everyonehatesmaureen Spoilt!

I’ve been divorced twelve years and I can’t imagine spending time with my ex at the holidays. It’s supposed to be enjoyable!!

The cast of this particular Christmas Panto are all reading from their own scripts.

We seem to have a Sad Sack, not one but two Selfish Siblings, and a Pushover. The poor Grinch is merely an understudy.

You could have put an end to this non-drama immediately by not involving your DH., and announcing that Christmas would take place at yours, as usual, Siblings welcome but you’ll be happy whatever they decide……though the presence of the Sad Sack is totally non-negotiable. Why should DH be involved and have to adapt your Christmas because SSack may (predictably) choose to have a rubbish Christmas? Your kids are more than old enough to do their thing and not aim to spoil yours, and as it’s been suggested already, they can organise their own Yuletide shindig and get Sad Sack involved/take Christmas to him/arrange a completely different event/leave him to sleep etc.,

Who cares? Well, you it seems and far too much - as The Pushover! Bet you’re a very nice person, kind-hearted to a fault, and a people pleaser.
Well, this is one occasion where you only need to please the chap you’re with. Indulge him, not let everyone hold him responsible because you couldn’t immediately hold the line. Everyone will benefit and important lessons will be learned.

Make sure you and your non-Grinch have a super time….and please remember - your firm decision now will help everyone else to make sensible arrangements.

From reading replies, I see there are 2 x 26year old adults that want to entertain their father over Christmas, and since they normally go to yours, the easy answer is to have their Dad over as well.

I'm hoping that they both don't live with you. Certainly one of them can entertain their father at Christmas at their own house during the day, then leave him there while thy have dinner at yours. Christmas doesn't need to be an all day affair at one house.

NO NO NO. Your loyalty now is to your husband. Absolutely.

Who would want their partners ex there at Christmas as ‘spectre at the feast’ ? Support your hubby your son may become more emotionally literate as he grows older. Oh dear this should be a happy time but it so often isn’t! Happy Christmas!

Grandmafrench sums it up admirably. Your loyalty lies with your current partner.

Is it too late to book a hotel for your husband and yourself?

Son is entitled.

Very good advice here : don't give in to this emotional blackmail .
It's your house , your husband and your decision .
Don't pander or try to appease your son .
Don't apologise for your decision .
Let one of your ex -husband's girlfriends or your twins have him for Christmas .
He can't be that popular if no one wants him !