Advice on adopted child with same sex parents

My impression is your concern is about same sex male adoption, though I acknowledge primarily you’re concerned about the child
What is your involvement? Adopters are able to access support from the adoption agency at any stage. Are you close enough to actually talk to them rather than gransnet, that’s what’s needed if there really are ‘problems ‘

Sorry sounds like 1,000’s of other parents (adoptive, same sex, male/female or birth parents) juggling work and family life.

I'm not sure the fact that they are same sex makes any difference here. Lots of kids these days go to breakfast and after school clubs it's just the way things are with busy working parents.

Only children often as k for siblings so I wouldn't read too much into that either.

Does the Aunty have any concerns about neglect or abuse? If not I'd leave things alone.

You wouldn't believe how lots of kids are brought up these days.

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Many parents have to work long hours and have to use breakfast clubs and sitters and say to others "i wish you were my mummy. Nothing unusual here.

What is your involvement?

I agree that the sex of the parents is irrelevant, but I can see cause for concern here.This little boy is being made to feel that he comes last on his aprents list of priorities, always being farmed out, onto breakfast clubs, after school activities. I agree this happens to many children, but this child seems also to be last on the list at weekends when both parents should be united in providing him with a warm loving and united background.

My GD had a friend in a similar position when her heterosexual parents divorced. They have shared custody and each spend most of the time trying to leave her with the other parent because they have such busy busy lives they do not have time to nurture a child, and she knows it and has mental health problems as a result.

Primrose - do you have any evidence for the suggestion you’re making that gay/lesbian adopters or parents are more likely to be abusive?
We could name many infants murdered by heterosexual couples -

It sounds like normal family life these days.
Jobs are rarely 9 to 5 with weekends off, they often start early and finish late.

It's the way it is, even if it's not ideal for anyone.

I suppose the upside is that they are not relying on "handouts".

I think your post makes dangerous assumptions and connections Primrose and is not articulately helpful either.

Where do you fit into this scenario OP?
Grandparent? Aunt? Concerned relative?

Primrose53

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This comment is verging on being homophobic. There is nothing in the OP's post to suggest this child is in danger..
I would like to know what the OP's connection is to this child.. it is stated that the child has a granny and an aunt and visits the other GP's regularly.. At age 7 it would IMO be quite natural for the child to wish that his aunt is his mother,and hopefully she is very loving with him. If both his parents have high powered jobs it is also normal for them to have to arrange child care and shared parenting duties. If he is actually neglected and unloved I would hope that the aunt or Grannie would report it.. but it seems a pretty normal scenario of a stressful, time scarce modern life to me.

I agree RosiesMaw a lot of assumptions being made by the Original Poster.

I think the sex of the parents is irrelevant. I've seen quite a few parents who were very career focussed, including a couple who lived in different cities, where the child, who lived with his mother, was left with a student, working as a part time nanny, who sometimes had the child overnight when mum was working.
If the network set up works well, and the child understands who is looking after him, and when, it often provides the child with a lot of stimulation and attention from adults. It does need good organisation.

The OP did say the parents had been having problems. Which made me feel that perhaps they were now regretting adopting the child who is now an additional problem.

So… two working parents potentially having marital problems. Sounds pretty ordinary to me. Shame on you for using this family to take a petty swipe against gay parents.

It is possible at age seven, that this little boy has realised that he has no mum in his life, whereas most other children do have a mum in their life. It is certainly not uncommon for a mum to be missing for a variety of reasons, but it’s possible he’s realised and wonders why. My son and his partner adopted a little two year old boy, who is now eleven. He was always told he is adopted. They explained the lack of a mum in his life by telling him that he does have a mum, but she wasn’t able to look after him when he was a baby, and so he went to a foster family at first, but then they adopted him, and he is now their son forever. They try to ensure that he has female role models in his life, that’s partly where I come in, but I’m his nana anyway. Then there’s his other grandma and four aunties. He has two female cousins as well as two male cousins. On Mother’s Day my son always makes sure he has a card for me, so he can take part in the social ritual of celebrating Mother’s Day, and he always gives me the gift rather than my son giving it to me.
I may be barking completely up the wrong tree here, but that’s what I wondered when I read the OP.
The rest of it all seems like a very normal life for a seven year old.

Who ate you, GrandMareS in relation to this child please?

*Who are you in relation...
Apologies.

I tried asking that upthread too

I wonder why they decided to adopt a child in the first place? Was it a novelty that has now worn off? The kindest thing would be for the child to be taken on by another member of the family who does have time to give him the care he needs.

Curtaintwitcher

I wonder why they decided to adopt a child in the first place? Was it a novelty that has now worn off? The kindest thing would be for the child to be taken on by another member of the family who does have time to give him the care he needs.

How do you teach this conclusion based on little information, which in itself seems aimed at criticising gay afoption

As others have said, there are a lot of children with working parents who attend breakfast and after school clubs, who may not get a lot of time when both parents are together, due to work commitments.

It's not necessarily better or worse where the parents are heterosexual.

Would you have made that comment if the adoptive parents were heterosexual Curtaintwitcher?

Curtaintwitcher

I wonder why they decided to adopt a child in the first place? Was it a novelty that has now worn off? The kindest thing would be for the child to be taken on by another member of the family who does have time to give him the care he needs.

What an appalling comment.

If the parents both had such time-consuming jobs and so little free time when the baby was adopted I’m a little surprised that the adoption was approved. Of course their work commitments may have changed over the years though.