Feeling guilty if I relax

I totally understand where you are coming from. I used to arrange to have coffee when the book of the week was on, which "allowed" me to sit and listen and not feel guilty. (That has now moved to the stupid time of 1145am so it is no use ) Anyway I found , or myself comparing what I used to do in the time etc and feeling guilty. So now I try to just live in this day and do what I can. I have a very bad back and was getting frustrated by making plans to do x y z in the morning and feeling upset when I wasnt able to accomplish things. Seems odd that after all these years of planning I am trying NOT to plan or to keep the plans down very minimal such as pay a specific bill etc. Also perhaps you might try and do things at a different time so that you do not have that plan of the day in your mind to compare with. One of the best things I use is the weather now. If we have a lovely sunny day I try to get outside , whether that is just going into the garden, having a short walk or going out. Especially after the miserable weather we have had it is good to make the most of the decent weather. Another slightly odd idea , which might help is do you have a middle name? So if you are called Margaret Anne , you might use the Anne to say to yourself well Margaret would do whatever but Anne is going out!! Whatever works to let you feel comfortable and hopefully in time you wont need it. Happy lounging about!!

I should add that I don’t think ‘being busy’ is a virtue.

I know exactly what you mean. I have a friend who reads loads of books and she said that she reads for ten minutes at a time, does a bit of ‘work’ and then rewards herself with reading, watching tv etc. She admitted to watching something on a Saturday morning! I now give myself permission to do a bit of knitting, reading, crochet etc in between cooking from scratch etc. I think it comes from my childhood when being bored with nothing to do was not an option!

I've felt like this much of my life. I always had to do every last thing that was outstanding and then finally the feeling of terrible doom passed.
It was only talking to my stepson about his mental health issues, that I finally realised that feeling of doom is actually anxiety.
I've never had any treatment for it, because realising what it is I can now tell that feeling to b..... off! The sky won't fall in, it's just my brain caught in the loop. I'm getting better at, and if all else fails I remind myself of the poem, "Dust if you must" ( you'll find it on the internet if you don't already know it!)

Resting isn’t something that you have earned- it’s something you need.
We all need to rest and relax at some point every day. Please don’t feel guilty. I was 70 in February, I work 2 afternoons a week, I also spend 2 days a week on Nanny day care, rest of the week is mine to do what I wish. DH works 2 days a week, one of which is one my days off which suits me perfectly. We have the weekend together to do as we please! If I choose to spend 2 or 3 hours watching tv or crosswords etc I never feel guilty. Housework can definitely wait!! Never feel guilty for resting.
It’s the next stage in our lives- enjoy it!

PLEASE PLEASE enjoy your leisure because you deserve it. However, in saying that I’m smiling because I feel exactly the same. I had to work 7 days a week at one time to keep afloat (15% mortgage rate!) my sons were at university and I was a divorced single parent. At the time I was a health visitor Monday to Friday and worked in a nursing home at weekends. I’m fine and dandy now but can’t leave the need to be constantly productive behind.
Every day I say to my beloved partner ( he has dementia) “what have I achieved today?” and I list such things as “laundry completed tick- meal prepared tick- bed linen changed tick”
Am I mad? I must be! For goodness sake get me some counselling🤣

As far as I know, no one ever died thinnking "I wish I had irorned tose pyjamas/teatowels" or "That cupboard needed cleaning, shame on me!"
Enjoy what is left of you life. That book is more important than any dust...

Do you have the voice or vision of a person that you know saying something like, dont waste time or something?

Wondering why the op has not been back in two days.

I left school when I was 15...started work in a factory the following week, only had time off when my children were born, when they were at school I was back to part time work, then fulltime ,up at 6 am I retired when I was 59 , that's when the guilty feeling started, I felt guilty if I wasn't getting up early, I should be doing this or that. i'm now almost 80,and I don't have the strength to do the things I took for granted, I have a lot of me time now so Welsh Chrissy,don't feel guilty you've worked long enough ,and you've earned your me time...enjoy it

Did the dishes = 2 hours reading reward. Threw washing in machine= 1 hours afternoon nap. Went shopping = cuppa, hobnob and radio for afternoon. Visited husband, = favourite book, large G&T or two. Pulled up weeds, = afternoon tea in garden reading magazines or book. Ironing = more gin! Dusting!! Nah read, then recite ' dust if you must' in your best Pam Ayres voice, with a gin.!

Also there's alot to be said for thinking/planning time. I find I think better in my favourite chair resting my legs than I do rushing around. Great thinkers are still needed these days even if we have AI now!

It is very hard. I moved from a city job 30 years ago to run a farm, and for years just doing anything during the day felt so wrong. On some level it still does and I still feel that there’s something “useful” I could be doing. Just had to accept that I’m not good at relaxing - unless I’m totally away on holiday in a different environment.

babsinthewood

I've felt like this much of my life. I always had to do every last thing that was outstanding and then finally the feeling of terrible doom passed.
It was only talking to my stepson about his mental health issues, that I finally realised that feeling of doom is actually anxiety.
I've never had any treatment for it, because realising what it is I can now tell that feeling to b..... off! The sky won't fall in, it's just my brain caught in the loop. I'm getting better at, and if all else fails I remind myself of the poem, "Dust if you must" ( you'll find it on the internet if you don't already know it!)

I was just reading this the other day

I totally sympathise with you.
When O was having counselling, my lovely counsellor Katie said “you’re not doing nothing” it is “self preservation”! Looking after yourself - which is so very important.
Yes my 3 daughters criticise me - but I’ve learnt not to care. It is my time.
I love daytime tv better than evening tv.
I don’t like shopping
All my old work friends are too I’ll or gone to meet up with
I don’t like ‘small’ chat
I just like my own company!
What is wrong with that?
Enjoy your books, your sitting doing nothing - you are totally entitled to 😘👍

Why don’t you tell yourself that the morning is the time for doing jobs and the rest of the time is for doing what you please?

Enjoy the time off. You have earned it! It sounds like you are still fairly busy anyway, so don't feel guilty. I really need to do more at home to get my decluttering happening but can often waste a whole day. At the moment I'm resting an injured leg so don't feel guilty just sitting in front of the TV, but normally I do feel guilty, and with good reason. Sadly I could procrastinate for England!

Me too jocork🤣

I really like the phrase ‘life is not a rehearsal’ - good for making me think about what I need/want to do…

Thank you everyone for your kind messages. I think I will try to think does that really need doing before I do a job. I think you may have all succeeded in making me realise that relaxing is also important and I shouldn’t feel guilty . Today is the day I try to change and reprogramme my brain into enjoying and appreciating the time I have to relax.

Doing nothing is doing something. It is important for your well-being and keeps balance in your life.

Well done welshchrissy and good luck for the future.

Oh my goodness you make me feel guilty! I worked until I was 70 but still feel bad if I just sit and read or watch TV or more usually Netflix.

Good luck, welshchrissy!

The one positive during Covid lockdowns was being forced to stay at home and not rush around being " busy!" I read more books then than ever before, and didn't feel at all guilty. Now however the guilt has returned!

Point missed here! Welshchrissy doesn’t need to know how to relax - she is asking how she can relax without feeling guilty!