Random old bloke telling me to ‘Cheer up!’ 😩

I'd look to the sky.

Good for you. It’s bloody infuriating when random men (and it’s always men) feel it’s okay to tell women how to be.

I also think it is rude and unnecessary. It makes you feel self conscious.
I think it may be a chat up line or their idea of a joke to catch your attention.
Men used to say cheer up it may never happen often when I was young.

Men of a certain age perhaps?

I did chat to some strangers recently. We were sitting at adjacent tables outside a café.
It turns out they are from Ukraine and have been living here for 18months. Their child was about 18 months. They said they were missing their families but don't miss the war.

Witzend

Grandmabatty

I would reckon he only says it to women. I have never been told to cheer up by a woman. It is very annoying to be told to cheer up by some random man. As you say, you might have had bad news or been unwell.

Exactly - I would bet anything you like that he’d never have said it to a man!

^ I would bet anything you like that he’d never have said it to a man!^

Sure as heck he wouldn't have done.

It used to be a 'thing' way back when I was young. "Cheer up Love" was frequently directed at women. A Bus Conductor (tells you how long ago it was) once said to me as I got on to the bus, "give us a smile then, Love" I stopped in my tracks, looked him directly in the face and asked, "why?". He muttered something about "just being friendly, like". No, he wasn't just-being-friendly. He was part of that culture where men felt they had the right to a woman's attention; where women were supposed to look passive and pleased and men should be allowed to approach them if they felt like it.

So no, he wouldn't say it to a man - nor would he dare say it to a woman if she was a high-profile figure. It's just men's 'ownership' of women that still lingers in some men's minds. You're supposed to look pleased to see them.

... would he have said it to a woman out with her husband - or even to the husband himself?

Gwyllt

I think it was Michael Mosley in his program “Just one thing “ that said saying something to a stranger is good for both parties. Perhaps that was what he was doing During Covid walking into the village to the post box it made my day when someone new spoke to me. Got to know a lot of people.

As a dog walker, I have a lot of random conversations with people I don't know. I hope I try to say positive things. Frequently that's about the weather or their dog...
Saying something positive to a stranger is good for both parties.

He's a dinosaur, Witzend.

Got to feel sorry for them really 😁

I choose my arguments carefully now, some random old fella saying cheer up love would be water if a ducks back.
So much more to take seriously. I honestly could not be bothered with it.

We need to be mindful of how much women, particularly now more than ever, have to put up with unwanted attention from men. Remarks from grown men of "the cheer up, give us a smile darlin'" started for me around 12 and went on and on certainly throughout my 20s. In some contexts it's predatory, but it is never less than rude, personal and patronising. Witzend was right to point out that man's unacceptable comment.

rafichagran

I choose my arguments carefully now, some random old fella saying cheer up love would be water if a ducks back.
So much more to take seriously. I honestly could not be bothered with it.

I quite agree.

I’d have just laughed and said I’m fine thanks.

I too would have found it rude if anyone, man or woman, had told me to cheer up.

It is at best inconsiderate, like all those people I had to phone in the aftermath of my husband's death, who politely condoled with me, only about 2 minutes later to end the phone conversation by saying, "Have a nice day now.!"

How could they be so crass? How can any newly bereaved person be expected to "have a nice day"?

I would have justreplied thank you I’m fine.

Well done you for telling him! Honestly why do they say that? It’s as if they think we should look cheerful for their benefit! A cheery greeting would be much better.

It reminds me a bit of an elderly customer who threw a fit because my friend called him Young Man when she served him. After he walked she said "Right, it'll be miserable old git next time"

Good for you Witzend. I agree with everything Dickens said too.

It's something men used to do a lot and also started when I was around 12. Bus conductors were a favourite but just random men in the street as I walked to school saying "cheer up love, it may never happen". It continued throughout my 20's and 30's.

It's a manifestation of men's perceived ownership of women. The idea that they can make what is essentially a personal and intrusive remark to a stranger is part of their male entitlement. It used to make me so embarrassed and angry.

I never heard a man say it to another man.

Well done @Witzend, and bravo for confronting him the next day.
I too find it very annoying when random men say things like this to me. I am not as polite as you were.

Jaxjacky

I’d have just laughed and said I’m fine thanks.

And then he’d think it’d be fine to say it to the next woman he doesn’t know from Eve, who isn’t wearing the sunny smile he thinks she ought to.

GrannyRose15

Poor man was wanting to start a conversation. We aren’t all experts at it you know and a lot of us can be a bit clumsy. Would you rather no one spoke to you? I know I’ve had some lovely conversations with strangers stating with inauspicious beginnings. Give the man a bit of slack.

He wasn’t wanting to start a conversation. At that time in the morning it would have been pretty clear that I was accompanying - at a fast pace - a 4 year old on her bike to the nearby pre school - his residential road is close by.

Thank you, everybody who’s supported me for confronting (politely enough) the tedious old git.

I'm amazed that some women think that men insulting women is acceptable.

I never heard a man say it to another man.
Me neither, flappergirl.

GrannyRose15

Poor man was wanting to start a conversation. We aren’t all experts at it you know and a lot of us can be a bit clumsy. Would you rather no one spoke to you? I know I’ve had some lovely conversations with strangers stating with inauspicious beginnings. Give the man a bit of slack.

... what's wrong "Good Morning" if the "poor man" wanted to start a conversation?

It is polite and civilised.

I think you might be missing the point - which is that telling someone to "cheer up" is rather rude, and something he most certainly would not say to another man.

If you want to start a conversation with a complete stranger, you don't do it by making personal remarks which are demeaning.

Women don't owe men a smiling face as they walk past them.

Callistemon21

I'm amazed that some women think that men insulting women is acceptable.

I never heard a man say it to another man.
Me neither, flappergirl.

I'm amazed that some women think that men insulting women is acceptable.

It's conditioning.

It's not that long ago we were 'taught' to be pleasant and passive around men.

medium.com/the-no%C3%B6sphere/women-should-not-set-themselves-on-fire-to-keep-others-warm-ff44bafd1220

... because we'd be so much prettier if we smiled...

This painting of "The Irritating Gentleman" perfectly encapsulates what this is about.

Some people are just awkward with their "hellos" but I think that comment thrown at me by a stranger would have hurt my feelings. Was that his intent? I would have remained silent. I would have responded in my head, "Cheer. Up yours". Witzend your response - though very direct - was appropriate and actually helpful to set his manners straight.

Macadia

Some people are just awkward with their "hellos" but I think that comment thrown at me by a stranger would have hurt my feelings. Was that his intent? I would have remained silent. I would have responded in my head, "Cheer. Up yours". Witzend your response - though very direct - was appropriate and actually helpful to set his manners straight.

I've not heard random women say to other random women "cheer up" - nor men, to each other (unless they are familiar and it's a joke between friends).

This is entirely something that men say to women they don't know because it's a hangover from the days when women were passive creatures, expected to make men feel comfortable around them, and cauterise their own personality in order to please.

"Give us a smile, then"... "cheer up, love" - all superficially 'harmless' but because we didn't object, allowed men to become more personal and explicit in their unwanted attention... hence the cat-calling, whistling, and vulgar and sometimes abusive comments from builders on-site, car and van drivers, and just random men passing by.

It should be viewed for what it is. Archaic impertinence from men who still see women as adornments to their lives and who expect us to make them feel good about themselves when they are around us.

I've heard men say this to men. Definitely in a pub - and once on a bus - but the bus time sticks with me as they were friends and were very funny - I don't think this bus incident counts as they weren't strangers.

I've never heard women say it to strangers - and I'm not sure I've heard it for years anyway. I think it's an "older person's" statement. Well, older than me anyway!

I’m normally very smiley, the number of photos of me looking miserable on Facebook, etc, was my first clue that I might be depressed!