Random old bloke telling me to ‘Cheer up!’ 😩

Well said TerriBull.

Don't apologise for being a dog-with-a-bone. It is the subject of this thread and the OP. If anyone finds it OTT, they can scroll on or comment accordingly!

According to my OH who is Swedish by birth (now naturalised to citizenship of the UK) - we Brits are a friendly people. Where he originates, greeting a complete stranger in passing would render them almost like a rabbit caught in the headlights - though this might be a local thing. He loves the way we chat to random strangers at the drop of a hat.

And he thinks women are particularly sociable, with each other. And I think he's right.

But do women randomly greet each other as strangers by one telling the other to "cheer up" or "give us a smile"? No, we don't. And neither do men do it to each other.

It's something men do to women. We have been conditioned historically to please, and that is what they are demanding from us, either consciously or unconsciously, that we please them by looking appreciative of their attention. And it doesn't occur to such simpletons that you might be looking miserable because you've just experienced a devastating event - because they don't regard women as equals.

He was probably just being “funny”, or so he thought. Just making conversation. I’d have stopped and smiled and asked him what he meant.

Not everyone would consider someone they don't know, male or female saying to them 'cheer up' inappropriate TerriBull. I wouldn't, and haven't when it's been said to me, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't react/respond accordingly if something I felt inappropriate was said. I certainly wouldn't smile.

Smileless2012

Not everyone would consider someone they don't know, male or female saying to them 'cheer up' inappropriate TerriBull. I wouldn't, and haven't when it's been said to me, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't react/respond accordingly if something I felt inappropriate was said. I certainly wouldn't smile.

I certainly wouldn't smile.

... says Smileless2012

I know everything can't be related to early dementia, but 2 elderly aunts of mine frequently repeated phrases they would have said years ago without actually realizing what they were saying. They were both in the early stages of dementia. So possibly he could have said "lovely day" or its nice out" but he happened to say something he has heard and said for years and years. Yes annoying. I think I would have felt like replying. "Thank you that's nice of you." Or something equally vague like as someone said above. "No worries". Or even that dratted "bless". Otherwise let it go over your head I don't think you will change him.

What a miserable world it would be if we were all to label an elderly man who made a clumsy remark to a passing woman, an old git and an arse. I think most women, apart from the perpetually offended, would recognise that no harm was intended.

Still interested in whether young men do this, "give us a smile then".

In a way, its a shame it cant be explained to him- if he'd smiled and said "'good morning" he might have got the acknowledgement he wanted.

Yes Wyllow young men do say it and young women, often to each other, it’s usually when they’re joshing about, it’s not an unkind remark and treated in a similar way to the phrase ‘someone’s tired*.
I’m quite surprised so many find the cheer up comment so slighting, page 5, maybe I’m thick skinned, but I jest back if such comments are made to me

Spot on Wyllow3. A good morning with a smile would have been perfect and OP would probably have said the same back.
I don't know whether young men...apart from builders on a building site... would say the same. But, as we complain we are invisible to the young , probably not.

Well done one you Witzend 👍
It's only happened to me once (so far),
a random old bloke ( I was 29 at the time) told me to 'Cheer up, it might never happen'
Except it had, my Mum had just died!
I wish had said something, but the words couldn't come without me bursting into tears 😭 .

Imho, it's always an old bloke.
A younger person or a woman wouldn't be so condescending

Witzend

Calendargirl

Sounds a bit harsh, don’t think I would have bothered saying anything, just given him an extra cheery smile the second day.

I dare say that would only have encouraged him to repeat it to someone else.
Personally I think people who make such remarks to complete strangers are a complete PITA. For all he knew I might have just had some very bad news - or for that matter been worried sick about dd, who is (yet again) in Ukraine for work.

I absolutely agree. I also have what they call an RBF. It's my face regardless of how happy I am, I can't go around grinning like a Cheshire cat just to show I'm happy.. but I can't tell you how many people have said to me ''Cheer up it may never happen''... for all they know ..it may JUST HAVE happened.... arrggh.... and very often when people say this to me.. I go from being in a good mood to be in a bad one because of their comments

Jaxjacky

Yes Wyllow young men do say it and young women, often to each other, it’s usually when they’re joshing about, it’s not an unkind remark and treated in a similar way to the phrase ‘someone’s tired*.
I’m quite surprised so many find the cheer up comment so slighting, page 5, maybe I’m thick skinned, but I jest back if such comments are made to me

Ask yourself this question.

Do you think the man in the OP would have made such a comment to, say, a woman who was a well-known local dignitary in the community; a woman whose husband was perhaps president of the local xx whatever club or society / association?

I very much doubt it. Because he would know it would not go down well - because it's a personal remark and disrespectful.

So why is it OK to say it to any other woman, that he isn't familiar with?

I don't think it was a personal and disrespectful remark Dickens and the only way we could possibly know if he'd intended it to be would be to ask him wouldn't it.

I agree with you Delila. This man has been described as an 'old git' and 'an arse' which is hardly proportionate to saying 'cheer up' to someone.

Quite Smileless.

Surely most of us are capable of discerning when a comment is a friendly one and of giving, in particular, elderly men a little leeway. Many of them won’t be up to date with modern sensibilities.

I can imagine he would be horrified to find he had caused offence.

He did get a random stranger to chat with him the next day, even though it was correcting his bad behavior. I wonder if he is going to say "Good Morning" next time and wouldn't that be an improvement.

Well done Witzend! There’s nothing wrong with, and a lot to be said for, speaking to a stranger and (as others have said) starting with a remark about the weather. If someone looks sad, asking if they are all right might be helpful.

My late DM didn’t like it when anyone said “Have a nice day” to her, and said that her reply was “Thank you, but I have other plans”. I don’t know if she ever actually said it.

Yes Dickens he probably would, it’s probably a stock phrase he uses to people passing, he may vary it occasionally, but some people tend to use their limited repertoire of such phrases out of habit.

Jaxjacky

Yes Dickens he probably would, it’s probably a stock phrase he uses to people passing, he may vary it occasionally, but some people tend to use their limited repertoire of such phrases out of habit.

Well I won't argue with you, though obviously, I disagree.

I doubt whether the man concerned would have made such a comment to anyone in a formal setting, including female dignitaries, etc.

If the well-known, female, local dignitary, passing by in this particular scenario happened to be me I wouldn’t give it another thought, and I know a few local elderly country men who wouldn’t feel restrained by my status.

I expect inappropriate comments like this will naturally die a death with the passage of time.

I also have a "not very happy face", more of a "serious one and I've been on the receiving end of many a
"Cheer up love, it might never happen" idiots over the years (all men who obviously thought I should be drooling and salivating at the mere sight of them, how dare I look miserable in their presence!).

I was so annoyed one day that I rounded on the chap in question and said "I'm afraid it has already happened, I've just been told my whole family has had a dreadful accident, they probably won't make it".

Dreadful if me I know, I hope I had crossed my fingers while telling such an awful untruth but I couldn't help myself.

The chap apologised and I flounced off.

Well said Dickens.

E thankful you don’t have anything to worry about, apart from being a bit unfriendly!

flappergirl

Good for you Witzend. I agree with everything Dickens said too.

It's something men used to do a lot and also started when I was around 12. Bus conductors were a favourite but just random men in the street as I walked to school saying "cheer up love, it may never happen". It continued throughout my 20's and 30's.

It's a manifestation of men's perceived ownership of women. The idea that they can make what is essentially a personal and intrusive remark to a stranger is part of their male entitlement. It used to make me so embarrassed and angry.

I never heard a man say it to another man.

There’s a thing called ‘negging’, which is a man saying something negative or insulting to a woman to attract her attention. Thinking back, I suffered from this a lot when I was on my 20s, and relatively pretty. Men at work that I hardly knew would comment unfavourably on my clothes or general appearance! Have to say, I never felt drawn to get to know any of them better!

He was rude and got a sharp reaction. Hopefully it’s taught him to moderate his speech. I know people who would have sworn at him. I bet he would not speak to a man this way . He has no insight in to your life so he should have just said hello if he needed to speak. I had a heartbreaking week last week so I would have stood and sobbed.

Well, started with a small rage against a man telling a woman, a complete stranger, what to she should do ....
Further raged by posters excusing him - old, dementia etc. Honestly, a complete stranger tells you to cheer up and you'd reward him with a smile? Ugh.

It's rude, rude and rude.

There's a difference to a shop assistant acknowledging you with a "have a good day" - that's only polite, surely? I know sometimes that is the only person that's spoken to me all day -