Are you too scared to post what you really think?

I’ve seen many posts over the years that I believe were nasty towards others. Sometimes I will report it if I think it bad enough and personally attacking the poster, but if I’m attacked, I don’t usually do anything (except that time I was bullied) as I think let it stand so others can see.
Bad things have been said to me, simply because I have expressed a different view. Argument yes, personal attacks should be a no. But they’re not for some posters on this site. I’m glad I don’t know them in real life.

On the other hand, there are some lovely posters I’d love to know in real life.

Someone indulged in personal invective on a thread I started recently. I just ignored it, but remember who it was and think very much the less of them for it.

Monica I think we always remember those who attack us personally.

maddyone I am not sure. I think people have laid into me before, but I have forgotten one. This one has stuck because it was very personal and based on my responses to another quite old thread so that I got the impression that they had been researching my past threads to find some quite irrelevant personal information that they could adapt to their purposes.

It struck me as a completely OTT response by someone who had clearly taken a deep personal dislike of me.

I haven't lost any sleep over it. It was just that, in all the years I have been on GN. I have never known anyone go to such lengths to abuse someone.

I’m sorry that you experienced that Monica because it is deeply unpleasant. I think that’s why some posters won’t post their full views, or post at all on contentious threads.

I have been reading many of the comments on Gransnet before I decided to join and I must say that in many cases it does make you think twice about replying to comments that have been made on the forums because of a few people who take great pleasure in being harsh and critical when replying to someones comments for no reason whatsoever, therefore I have decided to totally ignore these people. I have written their usernames on a list and have decided to never read their comments.

If they have nothing positive to say then they should say nothing, people on the forums need support or answers without these people giving nasty replies.

maddyone

Monica I think we always remember those who attack us personally.

Absolutely.

maddyone

On the other hand, there are some lovely posters I’d love to know in real life.

Most definitely.

The ones who are funny, quick-witted, kind, helpful, interesting, practical, generous, sympathetic etc. etc.

PoorJenny

I have been reading many of the comments on Gransnet before I decided to join and I must say that in many cases it does make you think twice about replying to comments that have been made on the forums because of a few people who take great pleasure in being harsh and critical when replying to someones comments for no reason whatsoever, therefore I have decided to totally ignore these people. I have written their usernames on a list and have decided to never read their comments.

If they have nothing positive to say then they should say nothing, people on the forums need support or answers without these people giving nasty replies.

The problem is; how do you define a nasty reply? We have people starting threads, essentially asking us to support or endorse truly selfish and self centred behaviour. A lot of the threads are AIBU threads. (Am I being unreasonable) and sometimes the answer will be 'Yes, you are being unreasonable' followed by the reason that person thinks that' Is that a nasty reply?

GN is a discussion forum and as with any discussion posters must accept that at times other people will not agree with then - and tell them so, but to do so is not nasty. It is how you disagree that defines whether a reply is nasty or not.

I can’t believe that you have written a list of posters whose comments you will never read PoorJenny. That’s rather like saying you will only ever read a certain newspaper which tends to endorse your own views.

I am not afraid to post what I think but after years I still feel an outsider and that there is an inner circle who are the ‘queen bees’ who dominate discussions. However, I am content to be a fringe member.

Yes Gin I agree with that.

I have found in the many years of life I've lived that wherever you go and whatever you join or take part in, there are always 'queen bees' and that fact has put me off many times from fully fitting in. I'm not a queen bee and therefore feel dominated instead of listened to. I mostly read rather than post.

I'm not a queen bee. Though I am a bit of a chatterbox on here, I am quiet in real life. Just dive in Gin, J&J, and * Marg75*, someone will listen to you and pick up on an interesting point you offer.

I don’t know about ‘queen bees’, but remember years ago one poster declared that some thought themselves ‘Gransnet royalty’.

Considering how Royalty discussions can get quite heated, I thought this was apt.

👑

😂

Germanshepherdsmum

I can’t believe that you have written a list of posters whose comments you will never read PoorJenny. That’s rather like saying you will only ever read a certain newspaper which tends to endorse your own views.

I agree with PoorJenny! I've tried twice to make a comment on here saying that it's not about a differing of opinions, which is perfectly fine and a necessary part of life, it's the way those differences of opinions are stated - and nastiness should never be a part of disagreeing with someone, and barely anyone has commented on that, just a continuation of 'people need to accept differing opinions'. I too avoid threads once I see certain people have joined in because I know how nasty they can be - nothing to do with a difference of opinion!
And I agree with Gin and Marg75 - there are very definitely queen bees on here who answer each each other constantly but choose to mostly ignore those 'outsiders'. As in life, this platform is far from inclusive! Some people on here seem to think because they themselves are a strong character, outspoken, don't upset easily, etc etc, that everyone should be like them! Why can't they accept that we are all different with different levels of confidence, etc and not 'have a go' at those they consider 'weaker'! And I say again, you have no idea what some people may have been through in life and what they've had to cope with, so nasty snipes are extremely unkind and so unnecessary.

you have no idea what some people may have been through in life and what they have to cope with, so nasty swipes are extremely unkind and unnecessary

This is of course a true statement. Labelling some regular posters as Queen Beas can also be considered unkind, as can assuming that they don't get upset easily and think everyone should be like them.

🐝 🐝 🐝 buzzz. Sorry- too much red wine ?

Joseann I have found that most things I post are ignored completely.

That’s the case for the majority JamesandJon33. The exceptions are where views are strong and polarised like on politics/gender for example, there a discussion/row is more likely in my experience

JamesandJon33 My thoughts entirely.

Iam64

*you have no idea what some people may have been through in life and what they have to cope with, so nasty swipes are extremely unkind and unnecessary*

This is of course a true statement. Labelling some regular posters as Queen Beas can also be considered unkind, as can assuming that they don't get upset easily and think everyone should be like them.

Yes, I agree with this.