Are you too scared to post what you really think?

It always surprises me how personal things can get here

Go to a bigger forum and they may be insulting to an individual comment... But here people remember stuff about you and use it against you even if it isn't related to the thread

It always surprises me that older women would do that, I thought it was left behind at school until joining online forums

VioletSky You too have had this happen to you.

Sadly so

Imagine being me, finding out you are autistic in your late forties... Suddenly having an explanation for all your quirks:

Having special interests in subjects you will go to great lengths to educate yourself on

Being frankly, abrupt

Having almost no ability to recognise sarcasm

Being very susceptible to assertions about yourself despite logically knowing it isn't true (here that would be being told what I think or mean)

Needing more time and space to be able to process what is being said to you and formulate answers

Having different ways to communicate and express empathy

BUT there is almost no support available to help learn to cope with any of those things as an adult

THEN finally being brave enough to reveal that about yourself to people you hope are emotionally mature enough to make at least some small allowances... Only for them to use it personally against you and treat you like you are somehow less of a person and incapable of participating in forums or life in general at all

Yes it was rubbish for a while but it's helped me become more resilient over time so that's something

And as sad as it is I am far from alone finding this forum a negative place at times

And that's exactly the point I was trying to make, VioletSky!!!
You put it so much better than I could!

..... I was going to send you one of those little bunch of flowers icons, but don't know how to do it! Ha ha!! Sorry! Just assume that's what I did!

I am not posting comments on politics anymore as discussion is not wanted by some, it’s not what’s right it’s who, whatever the circumstances, so best avoided as it gets personal, I did find help by kind posters on a few forums and the support on other threads has been amazing.
If you are prepared to have some negative feed back post what you wish unless it’s aggressive, which I’m sure it wouldn’t be.

CornflowerBlue

With a name like yours, you need to be able to do the flower icon.

Just type the brackets sign [ type flowers then close bracket]

Instructions for the different icons at the bottom of screen.

Hope this helps.

Thank you, Calendargirl. I know I need to use the square brackets, but I couldn't find them!!! I've found them now! Durrr!!!!

I wonder what Queenbees are and who they are thought to be ? I haven’t really connected any group ‘sticking together to abuse or ‘poke’ perhaps that’s on threads I don’t often visit although its always been insinuated that there are cliques I don’t see them

I post a lot but I m not in cahoots with anyone else posting I m completely independant although I have made friends on here

I enjoy reading and posting on GN and come on whenever I’m in spare time, quite a lot of my posts are ignore some answered in agreement some in disagreement but that’s life
I ve never had any bad personal messages and only ever sent supportive ones out

I am a reasonable empathic person but if someone asks about something you can clearly see is wrong what is the point in saying there, there all will be well I do try and put it in a kind way but you can’t always agree with everything written and some is staringly wrong

I no longer see a Queen Bee on GN. (You can only have one at a time, can't you in the insect world?) Usually it is someone who dominates every thread by thinking they are superior with their knowledge. So this person would know, or think they know, everything about science, law, education, food, travel, sport, the royals, fashion etc etc. Then they buzz around trying to influence everyone else by squashing flat any who post interesting comments in disagreement.
Ouch! .
I hope all the reluctant posters will now be attracted to hover more without fear of being stung. Just enjoy! 🐝 🐝 🐝

Calendargirl

CornflowerBlue

With a name like yours, you need to be able to do the flower icon.

Just type the brackets sign [ type flowers then close bracket]

Instructions for the different icons at the bottom of screen.

Hope this helps.

So much quicker and easier to use an emoji!

💐

Make sure the text touches the [......] with no gaps either end or it doesn't work. Same for names in .....

[ flowers]

* * is for names

If you use the Preview button before you post, you'll see if it's worked.

You don't have to agree to respect someone's view point.
I think Germanshepherdsmum and I quite often disagree with each other - but I hope I'm not rude to her and I don't believe she is to me.

The main problem on forums is that some misguided souls get personal in their replies to you if they just disagree with your opinion, seems to be their only way of going about things.

There are a few posters who I think of as ‘Queen Bees’.

Hope no one thinks I am!

Who are they? 🤷‍♀️

I couldn’t possibly comment.

This thread reminds me of one from some years ago. Cliques was the cry at that time

The other problem is that some people think anyone who disagrees with them is being personally nasty and abusive.

AGAA4

JamesandJon33

Joseann I have found that most things I post are ignored completely.

I have been on GN for years and most of my posts aren't answered. It doesn't mean they haven't been read and may have given the reader some pause for thought so I carry on posting and I hope you will too. I read your posts!

I have long felt this, and think it’s a shame that opportunities for an interesting discussion are missed, either by a post being ignored or a snappy reply posted.
Mind you, I do believe that listening to others in real life is fast dying out too, which I’m sure you’ll have found if you’ve ever repeated the same thing ten times to a customer service advisor on the phone! I often get the feeling in a group that some are just so desperate to have their say that they ignore what others have to say, and the same seems to happen on here, which is a shame.
I also notice that a post may start ‘ We took my 5 year old grandson to the GP…..’, then comes, ‘ You need to take him to the GP’, or ‘ What age is she?’
All about listening.

I think GN is a much nicer, kinder place than it was a few years ago.
I first dipped into GN some time ago and I found an interesting chat that had been going a while so I started to read it. Round about page 2 somebody posted all about the colour of her new car (totally off topic, not even an interesting off piste comment). The next few posts were mainly a conversation between about three GNs about cars. They were ignoring others' posts and OP had given up long ago.

I posted my very first comment, explaining I was new and asked why they had gone so far off topic. The reply was something like. "We often wander off into interesting discussions that have nothing to do with the original subject this is the way GN works. I see you are new to GN. If this bothers you, might I suggest that you would be happier on another chat site."

In other words we are the bosses round here so, if you don't like it, buzz off and stay buzzed off. Some of you may remember this delightful women.

I know some topics do wander and there is nothing wrong with that but to hijack a chat to catch up with your mates was something else entirely.

M0nica

The other problem is that some people think anyone who disagrees with them is being personally nasty and abusive.

I agree M0nica, I also think that attempts at irony and humour are often misconstrued. What’s interesting about this thread is that I can tell that many of us may not hit it off with one or several other posters, but if there was a secret vote as to who people feel is a problem poster, there would be many different names in the frame, just as there would in our daily lives - we all hit it off much better with some people than others.

VioletSky

Imagine being me, finding out you are autistic in your late forties... Suddenly having an explanation for all your quirks:

Having special interests in subjects you will go to great lengths to educate yourself on

Being frankly, abrupt

Having almost no ability to recognise sarcasm

Being very susceptible to assertions about yourself despite logically knowing it isn't true (here that would be being told what I think or mean)

Needing more time and space to be able to process what is being said to you and formulate answers

Having different ways to communicate and express empathy

BUT there is almost no support available to help learn to cope with any of those things as an adult

THEN finally being brave enough to reveal that about yourself to people you hope are emotionally mature enough to make at least some small allowances... Only for them to use it personally against you and treat you like you are somehow less of a person and incapable of participating in forums or life in general at all

Yes it was rubbish for a while but it's helped me become more resilient over time so that's something

And as sad as it is I am far from alone finding this forum a negative place at times

I was discussing things with my neurodivergent son. He says that neurodivergent people find it easier to communicate with others who are like them and more difficult to communicate with those who aren't. I did a rough assessment of family and friends and it's mostly true. I did wonder if it's also true with on line communication.
But then my views so often conflict with some posters I'm not sure it's anything to do with that or just with mine being a bit different.