When is a budget wedding not a budget wedding?

The bride must be a very trusting and self confident person. I'd worry that the bridesmaids didn't do something they were supposed to, or had a few drinks and copped off with someone, so nothing got done.

NotSpaghetti

Thinking of that keepingquiet I did go to a community hall wedding some years ago.
Everyone in the family and close friends brought the food, a friend made the cake, many of us stayed behind to tidy up and a few went back the next morning to do a "clean" in the daylight.

It was a really joyful event and it was a privilege to share that day with them.

It depends what your priorities are. As I said it is now a global industry- almost all wedding dresses are made in China. There is too much at stake for investors to let go and people don't realise they can have lovely weddings as the one you described above, for very little.
It is all about the bling. I blame Princess Diana- it was all very low key until she married Prince Charles! Haha- only joking but I do think the whole Royal Wedding thing sparked it off.

Cabbie21 describes my ideal wedding. A simple church ceremony or registry office. Reception at a village hall or other function room with friends and family contributing - sounds great. I don’t understand all this bridezilla behaviour at all and it is very selfish behaviour.

Have I got this right?
The bridesmaids are expected to set up the Reception, presumably decorations, organising of furniture and laying of tables before the wedding day, then return the day after the wedding and clear everything away, and provide their own transport for the privilege of doing so.
What are the caterers doing? Who is the washing up, packing away and return of china, linen etc ?
Not on, and the bride needs telling.

who is doing washing up etc?

Carenza123

Cabbie21 describes my ideal wedding. A simple church ceremony or registry office. Reception at a village hall or other function room with friends and family contributing - sounds great. I don’t understand all this bridezilla behaviour at all and it is very selfish behaviour.

Exactly the wedding DS and DDil had. Married in the church she worshiped in, she put her bouquet on her fathers grave afterwards. Reception in a village hall, family and friends setting the venue up and decorating and returning the following day to clear up.

They had a performance poet (a friend) as the master of cermonies. We rented a large house for the long weekend and provided bed and spread for a collection of people, which varied from night to night, including the best man and family, relations and friends.

They have been married over 20 years now.

eazybee

Have I got this right?
The bridesmaids are expected to set up the Reception, presumably decorations, organising of furniture and laying of tables before the wedding day, then return the day after the wedding and clear everything away, and provide their own transport for the privilege of doing so.
What are the caterers doing? Who is the washing up, packing away and return of china, linen etc ?
Not on, and the bride needs telling.

Yup!
I don't know the details but I gather that there will be a pizza van and the four BMs (there were five but one dropped out - I can't imagine why) are expected to serve pizzas and drinks. I don't know what other food will be available. And yes, they will be setting up tables etc. and clearing away.
Yes, I agree the bride should be told. I believe the fifth (ex)bridesmaid tried but let's just say the bride played the victim card.

Unbelievably it's 27 years since my daughter got married. She was in London and came back down to Cornwall to ask if we could organise a wedding for her in two months. Her fiance was divorced so we were a bit limited, but we sorted a church blessing after register office.and a nightclub she had worked for provided a room for the reception (which they decorated with daffodils) She came down one weekend and we went to look for a dress. Found a beautiful cream dress in Monsoon for £90, no bridesmaids so that was one less thing to worry about. I made the cake and her brother and I produced a buffet lunch. The only near disaster was her hair. Our village hairdresser refused to do it because she couldn't do a trial run. I managed to book one of the hairdressers in town but, when she turned up on the morning of the wedding they had lost the booking! Fortunately they managed to squeeze her in and she looked lovely. It was all done on the tiniest of shoe strings but everyone had a great time and as \\\\\\\\\\\\\\i said it's lasted 27 years so far.

I suppose, CrazyH, at least there were no bridesmaid complaints!

Waiting on guests and clearing up afterwards is not a traditional bridesmaid duty. Their duties are limited to the care of the bride and the MiL. Waitstaff should be hired and clean up can be volunteered by someone else, groomsmen?

So do the groomsmen have jobs to do as well ?
I don’t think the prep and clearing up should be a BM duty . How will they have the time to set up and decorate the room and then get changed , do hair and make up etc and attend to the bride . Also serving drinks and food is not imo a BM job .
I’ve been to budget weddings and the guests went to the bar for their drinks and queued up for their food .
As the BM buying their dresses and shoes , that’s quite common now . The bride decides on a colour and the BM buy or hire their dresses . It saves the problem of a style not suiting some of the BM .
My DD is a BM this summer and the colour is a coppery brown . She’s found a dress at Zara and the BM have a WhatsApp group where they put photos of their dresses .

Run child run. Run away and don't worry about some misplaced loyalty. You won't be thanked either way.

The bride is not a close friend but she and my daughter go back a long way so my daughter feels obliged to go through with it. I gather they no longer have much in common.

They will have even less in common after this fiasco.
Tell your daughter to bail out now, while she still can 😣

We recently had a family wedding and the bride put on so many lovely thoughtful treats for her bridesmaids and page boys.
She wanted them all to enjoy her special day with her, and they did 🥰

Bumface your daughter sounds like a lovely person.

As part of the bridesmaids duties, I wonder if they should find a pizza server then ask the mother if she would kindly budget for this. As part of the BMs duties, could they recruit and organize the groomsmen with a list of clean up duties? That way, they would still be gracefully taking care of things. The bride needs help alright.

M0nica

One thing I have noticed as I have gone through life is that, with a few exceptions, there is an inverse relationship between the cost of the wedding and the durability of the ensuing marriage.

Very well put MOnica!😁

If your daughter puts her foot down and says 'no' (and I think she should) Bumface. Then that will be 2 of the 5 bridesmaids that will have pulled out and at that point the other 3 may have a re think, and make Bridezilla do the same.

When I married the first time, it was a few close guests, register office, and a few friends back at the house for drinks afterwards. And a very nice, colourful long gypsy style dress for me that wasn't very expensive. Hubby bought an off the peg suit that he could wear for work after. Second marriage (now of 40+ years) was much the same. All I wanted. Couldn't bear all the expense and fuss of a big fancy wedding!

NotSpaghetti

Thinking of that keepingquiet I did go to a community hall wedding some years ago.
Everyone in the family and close friends brought the food, a friend made the cake, many of us stayed behind to tidy up and a few went back the next morning to do a "clean" in the daylight.

It was a really joyful event and it was a privilege to share that day with them.

We went to a really joyful community hall wedding too. The main part of the meal was catered (lovely cold meats) but the salads, side dishes and dessert were brought in. Quite a few of us went in the next day for the clean up.

I went to a budget wedding once, the bride wore a vintage dress, the groom nicely pressed shirt and trousers he already owned. No bridesmaids or anything but all her friends and workmates went along. She hired a hall and when we arrived we set about putting together a lovely meal from the boxes of supermarket shopping she had done earlier that day while she was at the registry office. The band played for free as they were friends and everyone brought a bottle. It was the best wedding I've ever been to, everyone pulled together and got to know each other. We stopped on to clear away afterwards as well. Presents were not expensive, nobody felt they were financially stressed. Her family could probably have paid for something very lavish but it would have excluded so many of her friends, particularly those from work. Years later, I remember that wedding, what I wore, her dress, so many details....

Absolutely what a cheek to expect so much from her bridesmaids

Totally agree every expensive wedding we’ve attended has failed where as the ones done a budget have endured my own and my brothers included

One of my favourites was in the church where the couple lived. They bought in wonderful catering and wines. It was very relaxed and stylish..
another one was in a little village hall which we all decorated with flowers and we all brought home made food contributions...The bands were all friends and one included the groom.. This was a really budget wedding and full of joy and friendship..
they were both magical days and the couples are still together nearly 40 years later

Hi yes quite common for bridesmaids to buy dresses etc nowadays my oldest when he got married him and wife paid for everything and my youngest getting married in 6 weeks small wedding everything is include no bridesmaids and no I definitely not cleaning up and if bridesmaids expect to clean what are the ushers doing. Not sure why they all agree to pay out expensive hen party they is a word call no. You know what they say give someone an inch and they will take a mile

Is it unusual - or just unusual in the modern era?

My parents married during rationing and used to speak of their church hall reception - family, friends and bridal party (including bridesmaids and best man) got together to set up the hall and clear up afterwards. The family made the food and clothes and all of the food/clothing had to come from their ration coupons that took months of saving up ...

It was normal then that people pitched in - but not now?

A budget wedding is not a budget wedding when...it's my daughter's!